2014 25 October :: 10.16 am
I tend to be very hesitant about claiming good things have happened. I've had so many amazing interviews that never panned out that my general reaction to positive things is that life is just trying to play a trick on me.
2014 6 March :: 6.39 pm
Cancer update: Still sucks. Dont get it.
Mortality is an odd concept. When faced with someone you love keeling over it looms large in your mind. It changes alot of how you feel about your own life.
When the protagonist of that story rolls off her death bed and decides to keep living its really a bit jarring. I'm not complaining, its wonderful, but to a certain extent I was very ready to deal with Gloria's death. A lot of mental turmoil goes into preparing for that. For the time being, though, I can continue pretending everyone will continue living forever.
I just realized something while I was typing this. Now I know which of my parents I get my procrastination streak from.
Ahhaha... Dont judge; She'd laugh.
4 \\\\ |
2013 20 March :: 2.13 am
Don't get cancer.
2013 9 March :: 1.01 am
Generally, when people have stage four cancer they freak out a little bit. They emotion dump. Something.
Aside from beating it back as best as possible, my mother seems to be generally more concerned with other people freaking out. I think the fact that she has described chemo as "sort of fun" and stage IV cancer as "One of the worse ones, I'm not sure, I don't think it goes to V" kind of highlights why she's one of the few people in life I'd rather not have die of cancer right now.
She's always been intensely unconcerned with what the world thinks is important. She had kids, grew some gardens, and now she's likely dieing. Why the hell is everyone so concerned with this?
The way you act, the way you live, the way you die is all up for scrutiny. Its nice to see someone saying to hell with it and just enjoying the ride.
Its just not so nice when its your mother. I cant tell If I can pull off her particular brand of life philosophy right this instant.
2 \\\\ |
2013 28 February :: 8.45 pm
I'm beginning to think that what you give up on in life is far more defining than what you acquire, or what you have lost.
What you acquire is rarely tied to any rational explanation. What you lose is even more random. What we give up intentionally is perhaps the one choice we can say is our own. Less influenced by things outside of our intentions.
I imagine we mostly lump giving up on a thing with a loss of a thing. Perhaps I'm splitting hairs best left whole, perhaps not. Its interesting to look at things from my life and decide which was which. What did I cast aside, and what has life cast aside without my input?
Sometimes life removes something important and you realize just how long its been since you cast it aside with disinterest and apathy. Even if the day before you wouldn't have described it in such a way.
Family is like that. You get a call and the word "cancer" makes you think about how little you've kept in touch.
2013 20 February :: 9.07 pm
Seems about as good a point in time to give up on life as any.
edit- Touche. Very funny life. Very funny.
2013 25 January :: 12.13 am
Don't have the friends in this city to pull off being an alcoholic.
Say what you will about em, at least they find a way to keep themselves busy.
3 \\\\ |
2012 9 November :: 2.27 am
I hate Ayn Rand
I have to avoid pointing out on facebook that the concept of going Galt doesn't work if your profession is a register jockey.
Congratulations, you removed yourself from society. We sure will miss you. How the hell will we ever find someone to work the register at 7-11?! By gods the gears of industry are falling down about us as we speak.
2012 7 November :: 2.25 am
(a week ago)
1. Hurricane sandy was sent by god, because of the homo-gays.
2. Obama only won because of hurricane sandy.
2012 29 October :: 8.15 pm
159v 154q or 590v 690q
If I wanted to get into a good program in the humanities my GRE score would be awesome.
On the other hand a 690 is like the bare minimum for anything I actually want to do in the sciences. Although for biology they might focus on the high verbal scores to offset the lower quant. scores.
They say a GRE score is not important if you have lots of other crap to balance it out. But then, my GPA is average (3.1) and I can only think of 1 person to even ask for a letter.
That being said, I've never really considered getting a degree in the humanities. I imagine I could get into anything that doesn't have a strict connection to undergrad crap.
I'm supposed to be a mad scientist, that was my dam calling.
I suppose I can just be an alcoholic.
6 \\\\ |
2012 21 October :: 6.33 pm
For being a college town this place seems very desolate most of the time.
In the past summer break always started to get very very old near the end. So much that I generally ended up waiting for school to start.
Summer break ended like 7 weeks ago, and I'm still stuck waiting to leave this god forsaken place and find purpose in life.
2012 26 August :: 5.07 am
I really honestly wish I would have been checking out my hair in the mirror or daydreaming or fiddling with the radio for the 1/10th of a second it would have taken to run that idiotic drunken fuck over.
Then I could just smile at this everyday drunk fuck fratboy bullshit and smile to myself. "I win drunk frat boys. I win".
As it is, it makes me want to strangle one of them at random.
Jesus, their still drunk. Its been like five days?
2012 11 August :: 4.16 pm
Birthers make me angry, apparently.
2012 8 August :: 12.54 am
Netflix is going to destroy me for about 1 month.
Well... exactly 1 month anyway.
2012 5 August :: 10.08 pm
Its.... nice outside?
When did summer start winding down? Its not supposed to do that for like, a year or two.