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Let the dream begin, Let your darker side give in...

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tuwang

:: 2014 1 July :: 3.02am

I will start this post by pointing out that I typed in my username and password for woohu without flinching even though it's been saved in my computer for 5 years (just built a new PC). I think that says something.

me references will be in italics. ;)

I will continue by saying that I miss me. I'm not entirely sure I know what me is anymore, but I'm pretty sure I miss it. As a disclaimer I will say that none of this is meant to be sad or foreboding in three at all. Just a rant.

I have this notion that any sense of self I had is gone with all the hobbies I used to have.

I understand that being 27 it is a totally normal thing to be unsure of direction and/or choice, what the fuck am I doing?

I had all these plans to do these big things (that weren't one-hundred percent attainable) and now here I am, a cog in the machine.

If I'm going to live in these conditions, I wish I was a teacher at least. At least then I might have the comfort of knowing I'm doing something for the future and our youth whether or not they give a shit (and usually I can't blame them if not).

I reflect sometimes and honestly feel like it's deserved. I've done many things that have warranted my conundrum. So self deprecating I is.

But then there's the other side. Considering I'm with a mother who's in a perpetual mental breakdown and a father who will hate you if the wind changes direction: I'm alive, I eat, I drink, I'm typing on a computer; things can't be that bad.

I almost blame my raising. The raising involving America being the best and being privileged just to be involved. I don't think it's the same anymore. We're not the best. I will soon be a part of a motion picture that someone in Sweden will watch and say "man, I'm glad I live here and not there regardless of how entertaining this drama is". Does that make sense? Basically I have a notion that we will soon be portrayed as less than first world. Not that less than first world is less than anything but... whatever this isn't the point.

My point is all I do is reminisce. I reminisce about times when I didn't have to think so much. I reminisce about the people who made thinking optional at most. I reminisce about love gone, love I wasted, love I should have valued. I was so carefree I felt like love was water; the most abundant of resources.

Now I'm aware; and too much so. I have a perspective of things I've done, things I'm doing, and things I will do. This is equal parts frustrating and enlightening. Equal parts "I want to apologize to everyone" and "want to stand my ground". If I hadn't made the shitty choices I've made in the past, I wouldn't be so enlightened but I wish I could go back and at the least prevent them or remake them.

I've been told by some of the people I love most that I'm not good enough for anything that is normal a lot of my life, when I was young and still today, and this has been the basis of my relationships since I was a tweenager (this is the only word in this post with a red scribble underneath it as I'm typing and I'm proud of that). I shouldn't have said that because now another mistake will be pointed out.

With this said, All i want is to know what I want. I want to know what is wantable. Is there something I should want? Want want want. Need Need Need.

That is all for tonight. Again, just a rant. Have a good night.

1 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


tuwang

:: 2014 6 June :: 12.09pm

Hi woohu. How have you been?

3 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


andrea

:: 2012 29 November :: 7.39pm

I've found that I seem to have the same cycle of problems and issues on an almost annual basis. It's so bad it's almost at the point of predictability. Unfortunately, I've also found that many of these dilemmas have a common thread.

Not this year. Not. this. fucking. year. Oh no.
It's gonna be different. It's gonna be great.

The year of solidarity.
It's happening and I have to say it's already going so well.

1 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


tuwang

:: 2012 26 November :: 2.28am

so here I am

constantly basing my life on other people. Need to focus on myself.

Can't do that... hate myself. Help me.

2 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


tuwang

:: 2012 26 March :: 1.31pm

strange argument last night.

Over the smallest thing too. Not really relationship-ending by any stretch of the imagination, but strange.

Did pass that dreaded 6 month mark, which may seem like nothing to you, but means a lot to me for many reasons. So here's to that.

1 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 24 February :: 10.13pm

I cannot wait for spring! Why? cause that is when construction on our new apartment begins. I will finally be able to paint, put down carpet, help mom build a bathroom with a rainfall shower and a kitchen area. Not to mention the our own front door complete with lock. I am so excited and so tired of this basement!!!

3 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 2 February :: 9.45pm

My mom took me tanning for 10mins today. She thought it would help with my seasonal depression. Nope. I'm burnt. My back is on fire and I just want to go lay in the snow.

Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 29 January :: 10.18pm

My poor lillyAna has an upper respiratory infection. His eyes are all goopy and swollen. It's pure torture to watch knowing the only thing I can do is keep him warm and keep his eyes clean. The general rule is if it doesn't clear up in 5 days then take him to the vet. I don't know if I can wait that long. He really isn't acting sick other then the goopy eyes. He still spent all afternoon playing with toys and eating twice his body weight. It just looks really nasty. I'm just at a loss.

Oh. for anyone confused by this post, LillyAna is my moms gender confused cat.

Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 22 January :: 4.05pm

Why do I have to mediate between a grown man and a nine year old over whose turn it in on the computer? Get a job, Buy your own, Problem solved!

Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 19 January :: 7.34pm

Thought work would help with my cabin fever. Nope. I need to get out.

1 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 17 January :: 11.44pm

starting to get cabin fever. Its making me really short tempered. I have even less tolerance for Chase's poor "cinderfella" attitude and Derek's back-sass. This could be bad.


I am actually excited for work Thursday.

2 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


pop-tart

:: 2012 16 January :: 9.20pm

Remembered My Password.
Yeah... I need to start using this again. I don't know how much I will post but its nice to see whats going on is some of my favorite peoples lives... Mainly Raych, Beave, and Jordan. lol According to my friends list they are the only ones who still update. Love your faces.

10 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


tuwang

:: 2012 8 January :: 11.56pm

Things are good. I spent my birthday with the girl and a few select others... pretty much just the girl though. We did a lot of dancing with each other, both metaphorically and literally. We drank champagne. We kissed at midnight. It was nice. It was also oddly adult which kind of freaks me out.

the only thing I need is a new job. Really... that's it. I like where I live and my new room mates and everything. Just the job...

I'm really coming to grips with myself and I like it.

1 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


tuwang

:: 2012 2 January :: 11.45am

2012 bucket list:

[] get a new job
[] quit outback
[] get a real phone
[] get a new car
[] have more than 5000 in an untouchable account, preferably one with high returns
[] break that 6 month relationship mark that seems to constantly elude me
[] don't stab anyone
[] work out more
[] Go back to MI to visit
[] Get a credit card
[] Go to a wizards, capitals, and nationals game (not redskins, the suck and it's impossible to get tickets)

2 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...


tuwang

:: 2011 30 December :: 4.06pm

guess who got the phone interview?

1 Saved me from my Solitude | Love me, That's all I ask of you...

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