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2003 4 August :: 2.39 am
:: Mood: groggy
its so much fun, my mom and i have been going paint-crazy. we're painting out whole house (the inside, not the outside) first we just went one day to get paint and we painted all the hallways (and there are a lot of them) this orangey yellowy color. it makes me feel like im walking through a hallway of butter (actually it looks more like orange sherbert or a peach smoothie, but thats not what it feels like). next we're painting hte dining room this really light seafoam greeny/bluey color and the laundry room's gonna be bright lime green hahaha. my brother's bathroom will be dark red and the living room- we havent decided yet.
the rest of the day i float around my pool on this big orange flower floaty thing listening to the far-off thunder rumble until my mom comes out and tells me to get out (she thinks ill get struck by lightning or soemthing when the storms really far away i dont kno shes weird) and tomorrow im making some amazing brownies i got the recipe for (hence yesterday's wierd incomprehensible entry)well im goin to sleep. gnite.
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2003 3 August :: 1.14 am
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: at last- ella fitzgerald
watermelon bubblegum
no complete thoughts... just brownies and thunder on a sunny day.
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2003 27 July :: 9.34 pm
:: Mood: content
sorry i havent written in a while...
"The criminal and the soldier at least have the virtue of being against something or for something in a world where many people have learned to accept a kind of grey nothingness, to strike an unreal series of poses in order to be considered normal...it's difficult to say who is engaged in the greater conspiracy -the criminal, the soldier, or us."
-Stanley Kubrick
sorry i havent written in a long while- but im back from my 3 weeks of camp and it was loads of fun! ^_^ anways, not much else to say....
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2003 27 June :: 4.58 pm
:: Mood: rejuvenated
:: Music: all my mix CD's i just made yesterday! wahooo
im the dandelion queen!
lovely lovely days.. summer days...
the dandelions are in bloom and i love to go out by the lake and sit in the feild of them and make dandelion-chain crowns and necklaces and stuff. flowers are so happy its like just because theyre happy little yellow specks in the grass, you can sit out on the swing forever looking at the world. because if all the flowers are there, it cant be so bad, rite? its fun to just sit there, swinging back and forth while patrick rolls in something in the grass and think. or "ponder" haha. i think about things from red hibiscus flowers to mint chocolate chip icies to the grand canyon to my shoes. i think about love, nature, why the sky is blue, turtles, crickets, old friends, new friends, music, and "what if"s. definately one of those perfect moments... thats wut happens on a lovely summer day...
p.s. i leave for camp in 2 days (sunday) write to me!
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2003 22 June :: 2.51 am
:: Mood: weeeee
:: Music: the ataris- in this diary
i love dinosaurs.
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2003 20 June :: 1.00 am
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: more commercial jingles- i always sing along
p.s. leave me a comment! pleeeeeeeease!
p.p.s. write to me at camp starting june 29 and ending july 19:
ME
c/o Camp Highlander
42 Dalton Rd.
Horse Shoe, NC 28742
^^i have it memorized ;-)^^
p.p.p.s. PAUL WALKER IS HOTTT! :-*
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2003 20 June :: 12.54 am
:: Mood: crafty
MARTHA STEWART TIME!
ok, at times like these, when ur desperate for something to do and are geting almost sick of the tv, onecan resort to becoming.... CRAFTY! ok, so for my first martha-inpired project, i took my new black trunk my mom had just bought me for camp, and decided it needed something. after laboring for hours, tediously cutting out white circles from contact paper with a straight edge razor blade and sticking them to the trunk, i had a POLKA DOTTED trunk. it is REALLY REALLY spiffy! hehehe. ok, so next i get out my hemp and my bead box and make a couple necklaces! theyre really pretty! yay! im still working on that and next im gonna make some more nifty belts like lauren and i did a couple weeks ago with that multicolored sheep fabric hahaha- baaaaaaa!
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2003 20 June :: 12.17 am
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: that song from the new kit kat commercials:
POPsickles
'want to hear an amusing annecdote?' i ask a friend shortly after i arrive back home from a rollerblading venture wednesday afternoon. 'um, ok', they respond, obviously unawar of the horrible story that lay in front of them. 'well,' i begin, 'it all started innocently enough, i just wanted to go rollerblading, u kno, for a little excercise. little did i kno what was in store for me. i was just goin along for a while, and then, reaching about the halfway point on my second lap (around my community, which is a big circle) i decide its getting cloudy and should take the shortcut home, going through the club house area near the front of my comunity. i turn the corner, only to realize i am flying face down towards a dirty puddle(and i had been goin PRETTY FAST before, so this was like high speed flying). the sprinkler was on, and there was no traction- my skates had slipped right out from under me and i was hurtling, horizontally, through the air. ok, so if its bad enough that im 1) wet, 2) as far away from home as i could possibly be while still in my community, and 3)it was about to storm, i realize that i have scraped up the entire right side of my body: no joint on that side had skin on it (it was pretty greusome). o wait, and to top it all off, there were little wet dirty things sticking all over me, courtesty of the gross puddle i just landed in. ok, so i realize theres nothing i can do (i have no cellphone so my mom cant come rescue me) so i get up and start towards the clubhouse bathroom, hoping to get some papertowels or something to wipe myself off (on the way i passed this lady in a mercedes, just waiting with it on in a parking spot, applying lipstick, not even noticing me pass by even though i just wiped out two feet away from her car while yellling, "SHIT" and was clearly injured and in need of some assistance) so i make it there only finding that BOTH the bathrooms were locked (yes i checked the mens, ok?) so i go over to the shower next to the pool, take off my skates (which were my moms old ones- i grew out of mine a while ago) and try splashing some water from the litttle faucet on the bottom on my gross legs etc. at this point i still wasnt even outwardly angry or frustrated, i hadnt even said anything since teh exclamation at the puddle, and the group of kids (they were actually more like teens) in the pool were kinda glancing over at me, wondering why i was wet, while fully clothed, and lying on the pool chair with a look of defeat on my face, tending my wounded... wounds! so anyways, after a while (i realized i wasnt getting any drier sitting there cuz it was cloudy and about to storm) i just put back on my skates and start off for home, thinking about that time when i was eight and i had capsized my little pink bike trying to do a wheelie on a speed bump and my dad just said, "u just gotta get back on the horse, alexa, theres no other way" and while cautiously going down teh path through the numerous sprinklers (they were mocking me!it was a conspiracy i tell you!) i feel a snap! i look down and realize my skate just broke into two peices. OK? AS IF THINGS WERENT BAD ENOUGH ALREADY, I MEAN, COME ON! CUT ME A LITTLE SLACK HERE, WORLD! JEEZ! but again, nothing i can do, so i try skating with a broken skate and broken spirits but after about 6 seconds i realize it was not working, so i get down on someone's front lawn, take off both skates and my lime green socks, and start back home: WET, DIRTY, BLOODY, and SKATELESS. so i arrive, finally, barefoot at home, throw the skates at my garage comtemptuously, while audibly cursing them, and slam the door: hoping to draw an audience i can relate my sap story too. which is approximately the time i told this all to the aforementioned friend who, in response could just say, "jeez".
ok? ya so the next time u feel like a little black cloud is following you around, just think this lovely little anecdote... :-/
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2003 17 June :: 1.37 am
im gonna learn how to ballroom dance and then i can wear a fancy dress and high heels like in those old movies and dance around the ballroom with red lipstick and all that fancy good stuff. yea, those old classic romance films always turn out perfectly...
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2003 15 June :: 12.11 am
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: all songs by american hi fi
i live on a hippopatamus farm
so far ive read 9 books. in the past 6 days. wow.
p.s. parent problems (actually just my mom is a raging bitch).
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2003 11 June :: 12.36 am
:: Mood: indescribable
strangest mood...
u kno how u get over summer vacation when uve done nothing but read interesting books for teh past two days and then see a movie that makes you think and pretty soon ur sitting in front of ur computer eating strawberry yogurt and writing in ur online journal about how ur in the strangest mood? well im sure u dont becuase thats wut im doing right now and if you were too then ud be me and things would be even more complicated! haha. no but seriously, i dont even know what "seriously" means anymore! it can be scary to think way too much sometimes. i mean when u just sit by urself and THINK all day long... maybe u dont kno the feeling, i wouldnt be surprised if u didnt. i just feel like running up to someone i "know" and have gone to school with all this time and say, "hi my name is alexa, its so nice to meet you after all these years of seeing eachother everyday." i just wanna KNOW someone- like understand wuts underneath the surface and what makes them tick. especially me. if i knew more about me.... if everyone knew more about themselves this world would be better off- but the thing is we dont know that who we are everyday probably isnt whats really at our core- its just this facade we tell ourselves is who we are and we lead people on to beleive it too. and doesnt it work well? look around! but its interesting that im thinking all this, because im not even unhappy whatever that word means. usually people only question whats around them when theyre not satisfied with it, and sometimes not even then. how can i only be 15 years old? i feel like ive lived a million years and seen it time and time again! thats probably why at the age of ten i decided i beleived in reincarnation... where was i leading with this again? hahaha i just had a picture in my head of caryn saying, "o no she's gone completely philosophical on us! stop it alexa ur scaring me!" haha ya well i scare me too- and i like it that way. it keeps things interesting. im scared of going back to school cuz i kno i have two options, be a total whacko and do whatever i want in light of my freespirited philosophies or just blend right in like ive done my whole life, give in to the conformity. cuz im split you kno- maybe not right down the middle, but pretty close. i can tell myself what others think of me doesnt matter all i want! i really can but it doesn matter cuz teh other side of me really cares! it really does and i realize it right now as i type it more than ever. i am such a split personality! i swear one day ill start hearing voices and it will be confirmed- im insane. my societally-correct side calls my other side a looney and is dreadfully embarrased of it. then my wild-child-whatever-i-wanna-do-and-think side says who the fuck cares and puts on a fancy dress and sits in the rain. god and to think im about to post this on a public journal for all the world to see(see that was side 1) haha bipolar girl.... u kno ill probably erase this all one day- i wont beleive i was in such a flimsy mood to just post it all up... but right now im side number 2 and who the hell cares! LALALALALALA! ive read 4 novels in the past 2 days and i saw this movie pumpkin which at first i couldnt stand and then i turned out to really like. its one of those things like that saying, "a picture is worth more than a sum of its parts" and that one really was. i also wrote two lovely letters to my 2 best friends who are at camp together right now (im goin next session) and i painted my toes AND my fingers this orangey red color called Juicy Tomato on the bottle... sometimes i realize- im just an ordinary girl, but thats my greatest fear because u kno id rather be ANYthnbutordnry! ;-)
p.s. how cheesey was that last part?! hahahaa
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2003 3 June :: 7.48 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: another perfect day- AMERICAN HI FI
i thought i had tonsilitis, but that bitch of a doctors conviced i dont (moron)
exams exams exams... its not that bad cuz i get to wear pajamas to school and i dont even cram that much, just right before the test for like an hour (short term memory :-P) yup, well since i havent filled this in recently, ill tell ya wut went down (haha superghettoshiznittalk) well lets see on friday all ma homegirls came to ma crib (ok stopping the ghettotalk now) that being Lauren, Emily, Jackie and Kathy... and me. Then we ate cheese burgers and got ready for hours and hours (cough emily cough) and we were gonna go to the movies and see Finding Nemo cuz that movie looks like the shiznittlebamsnipsnapsack hahahahaha but it was sold out :( so instead we saw the italian job :) but it was scary when they all shot eachother :( but it was fuckin AMAZING when they had the all mini cooper car chase scenes- i was in in heaven :-) then garett (who we met there before the movie, by the way) (and is kathy's bf by teh way) had to leave :( but then us girls went to boomer to ride gocarts :) but then we hadta wait in line for like 45 minutes and i get really sick when i breath in those engine fumes and stuff so i was really sick to my stomach :( but then we gotta go on the go carts weeee zoom zoom :) BUT THEN i noticed something.... THERE WERE HUGEASS BUGS EVERYWHERE! no i swear to god, the cicadas were out or something and these huge bugs that looked like cockroaches but only alot BIGGER were like FALLING OUT OF THE SKY and they were smushed all over the track !!!! :( :( but then we got drinks :) then lauren was like prodding one of those apocalypse bugs with a stick and it was so huge and i have like a phobia of them and was about to cry :( but then my mommy came and rescued us!!!! :) then we were gonna go home and watch chitty chitty bang bang (which is such a fun movie) but i couldnt find it at my house :( so then out of my amazing video collection of about 5, we decided we'd watch American Beauty cuz they hadnt seen it :) then we made lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of NACHOS in my microwave :-D then we were all amazed by the movie cuz its so hardcore deep and thought provoking and it rocks :) then we did some other stuff until like 5 oclock in the morning at which point we fell asleep :-/ then the next morning we made chocolate chip pancakes and smoothies! :-D yum! then they all left :( then i hadta go pay my debt to society by being tortured to death by 8th grade st. andrews princesses with prada purses and actually spend time with them :( but it was my friend's bday party so i HAD to go cuz she's a real good kid and all, it was just torture (note: it included a hummerzine and lots of tiffany's jewelry and ironed straight hair- which really isnt my "cup of tea") theeeen i forget what happens next but somehow it ends up beign rite now, with me sitting in front of my laptop complete with non-tonsilitis while writing in this instead of studying for my exams tomorrow (which would be the slightly more intelligent option) yup soooo that seems about the gist of it all. have a good life.
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2003 27 May :: 10.49 pm
:: Mood: lalalalalaaa
survey o my!
1) name: alexa kalin, alexa, lexa, lex, lexy, sexxy lexxy, flex, flexi, flbxi, flexicat, cat, kitten, kitty, etc. etc.
2) Screen Name: NEthnbutOrdnry4
3) Birthday: april 19
4) Location: the world's most expensive bubble (a.k.a. Boca Raton)
5) Horoscope: aries
What your favorite/best...
6) Color: every bright color and soft colors and dark colors and non colors....
7) Food: thai!!!!!! most definately. plus some japanese is always goood! and brazilian food made by my grandmother and all her cooks mmmm
8) Drink: water with ice cuubes, and diet coke (cuz it just tastes better than regular coke), and this brazilian soda called Guarana
Are you....
9) Loving? its one of my most prominent features...=D
10) A good friend? i like to think so
11) Shy? depends, not usually though
12) A good lover? give me a chance!
13) Open minded? you bet
14) Always online? yea its part of my elaborate homework-procrastinating-plan
Do You?
15) Smoke? never- cancer sticks are gross
16) Take risks? i love risks as long as they arent too reckless or lifethreatening
17) Do drugs? me= SUPER-DRUG-FREE-KID! damn straight!
18) Write? mostly poems
19) Paint? my moms gonna teach me (one of her many talents)
20) Sing? siiiiingin in the rain!
21) Go to school? yes, like a forced laborer
Questions....
22) What is your most embarrassing moment? i try to block these things OUT of my memory, so i couldnt say
23) Have you done things you regret? humans always regret things, but we cant live in the past...
24) What would you change about yourself if you could? i wish my dad wouldve taught me portuguese as a child so i could speak to half my family!
25) What color socks are you wearing? barefoot ;-)
26) Would you be happy if you died right now? just let me experience a FEW more important things and then you can take me, k?
37) What do you think of this number 9? i feel bad cuz seven ate it.
28) If a genie granted you three wishes they would be? 1) for 100 more wishes 2) to find my true love and live happily ever after 3) to make me an interesting person that changes the world, if only by a little
Have you....
29) Bunjee jumped? nope =(
30) Sky dived? no but im gonna... someday, just you wait and see
31) Drank: not really
32) Made a fool of yourself? everyday but who cares, thats part of life
33) Murdered someone? no.
34) Had a baby? haha ya but that was all a big drunken mistake (just kidding- no)
35) Made someone cry? ya. plus me, whom i make cry all the time.
36) Got into a fight? yea
37) Went to jail? no
38) Been in a hurricane? sure, they dont call it the sunshine state for nothing!
39) Seen a tornado? no but they are one of my biggest fears, especially when i was a child
40) Hit your parents? not unless you consider hugging them hitting them :-/
41) Broke the law? havent we all?
42) Broke a bone? never! I AM INVINCIBLE!
43) Been in the hospital? not overnight or anything
44) Slept outside? sure, tenting in the backyard, out in nevada, or on camp overnights
45) Got a ticket? no, considering i refuse to get my permit so i cant drive
46) Jumped out of a moving car? no but i contemplate it often
47) Had unproctective sex? not even protected sex!
48) Danced in the rain? i LIVE in the rain. i am a rain child!
49) Been struck by lighting? no
50) Been run over? no
51) Killed an animal? numerous bugs and my gerbil Gizmo who died with a peice of plastic stuffed down his throat after a short lifetime. sorry Gizzy, i loved u anyways....
52) Ran away from home? no, home's too special to throw away
53) gotten tired of this survey yet? i cant be BORED! i'm putting off a 10 paragraph essay! this is what we call procrastinating! its satisfying yet eats away at you... kinda like drugs....
Either/or
55) Coke/ Pepsi: diet coke
56) Hot/Cold: cold showers
57) Black/white: white
58) Happy/sad: happy
59) Up/down: up into the clouds with the raindrops
60) Outside/inside: inside with some outside
61) dancing/singing: singing
62) reading/watching: reading and watching ( i just cant make up my mind)
63) roses/daisies: tulips
64) energetic/calm: energetic with some super calm mixed in there for good measure
65) loud/quiet: quiet
66) smart/stupid: smart
67) rude/friendly: friendly
68) socks on/socks off: off
69) boxers/briefs: undergarments =P
70) dark/light: light, but not bright
71) sunny/cloudy: sunny but with BIG WHITE FLUFFY CLOUDS EVERYWHERE!!!
72) day/night: late afternoon
73) summer/winter: winter
74) fire/ice: ice
75) tiger/bunny: bunny
76) player/hater: neither
77) flowers/grass: wild flowers
78) dressed/undressed: dressed in kooky outfits-- DRESSUP! weeeeeee
79) innie/outie: innies
80) fast/slow: what are we talking about here?
81) peace/war: peace.
Would you...
82) die for love? i havent had the pleasure
83) die for a friend? i dunno....
84) donate organs? i think i would, my organs are your organs
85) give blood? sure why not, my blood is your blood
86) hide a convict? depends on who it is
87) kill someone if they hurt a family member? no id just get really mad and call the popolice on them
88) commit suicide? hope not
89) kiss your best friend's bf? hmmmm no
90) cheat on your bf? again, wouldnt kno because nobody loves me =(
91) run away from home? home is where the heart is!
92) move to a foreign country? sure! france.
93) dye your hair on a bet? ya im gonna this summer anyways
93) shave your head on a bet? never!
Whens the last time you....
94) cried? not too long ago
95) showered? this morning
96) slept? last night for a bit
97) had sex? i was just a little wormy thing back then...
98) drank? alcohol? never! cmon u guys im super straight edge!
99) got mad? last night, at the english essay from hell.
100) played on a playground? ummm pretty recently, im still a 5 year old at hear anywhoo
101) fell in love? ive never been in love..=(
102) danced in the rain? 5 seconds... i LIVE in the rain!
103) listened to sad songs? ummm i dunno
104) blew bubbles? today, bubbles heal me
105) believed in the Easter bunny? the easter bunny doesnt love me! waaaaa!
106) wrote a song? stupid little songs...=D
107) wrote poetry? tonite outside in the rain in my head... i should write that down before i forget it....
108) had REAL fun? partay!
109) actually got scared? im scared of human beings and what theyre capable of
110) got sick? on my birthday when i ate a million cookies and then puked them all back up... it was gross
111) needed a hug? i need a constatnt supply of hugs! i get one like every couple of hours though so it hold me over
112) talked on the phone? half an hour ago when my poppy (dad) called me from NYC
Do you like ....
113) roller coasters: yes!
114) spiders: no!
115) snakes: yea
116) heights: yep
117) tattoos: noo
118) piercings: i am piercing-free
119) airplanes: sure why not
120) diving boards: haha ya theyre amazing and scary at the same time
121) long surveys: if it means putting of enlglish-essays-from-hell a little while longer, then why not
122) are you glad this is done? nooooooooooooooooo now i have no excuse! ba!
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2003 27 May :: 8.28 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: siiingin in the rain
i love the rain... puddles are my home
sometimes i think that if i could be HALF as interesting as some people ive met, that would make my life worthwhile... my life is a small unimportant thing in the big picture... but dont get me started on the "big picture" cuz beleive me, i could go on and on and on... but all im saying is, some people can think the same things i think, but then they put it into words that are so.... right. i dont wanna be one of those sissy whiney girls who complain theyre not like someone else, tho, its just, i think sometimes people dont kno me for the real me, but then i remember that I'M still tryin to figure that one out so... ya... see how this can get all confusing? everything in life is opposites; its confusing yet clear; important yet not; big yet small; black yet white; see?! im smart yet foolish; wise yet unexperienced; insightful yet in the dark; real yet fake; and mature yet juvenile..... aint that all the truth... dont listen to me anymore guys, this journal has just become home my destinationless thoughts (not that anyone probably was payin attention to begin with...) isnt life a contradiction?
k well its raining, so u kno wut that means, off to sit in a puddle in my bikini and be one with the rain :-P ya im a rain child, u dont havta understand it....
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2003 26 May :: 8.36 pm
NEthnbutOrdnry4: ya im a crazy man with multiple personalities
this clipit came from an ACTUAL conversation with NONE OTHER THAN.... SARA ANASTAS! i kno it sounds amazing cuz she's like a movie star and all, but she's actually my secret EVIL twin with curly hair......
kangarooooos ^_^
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