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:: 2009 28 March :: 3.32 am
:: Music: Taylor Davis

Fraternity venting time
So, I dont know if I've mentioned it before, but I am currently President of SHSU's chapter of Sigma Alpha Iota, which is an international music fraternity for women. Yes, it's a fraternity. I could explain WHY it is a fraternity, but that's not the purpose of this post. The purpose of this is that it is the place that is least likely to be found by someone who may take offense from this information.

So. I love being president most of the time. Really. It is fun to run meetings and have a big part in the rituals and feel like I'm making a difference in our little community. Most of the time, the biggest problem I have is trying to schedule fraternity events around every little event taking place in the music building. And there are a lot of them. Last semester, because of Hurricane Ike, I had to reschedule EVERYTHING at least twice, and half of the stuff ended up not happening at all. It sucked, hardcore. The only other aspect of being president that I may have an issue with is dealing with everyone's small problems. Like I dont have enough of my own, right? It's not like I've just lost my job and may still be arrested for selling alcohol to a minor, or that I've got my own classes and practicing that really needs to happen but rarely ever does. Of course not. There is some small part of me that hates having to listen to everyone complain about what they have going on, and what they feel like the fraternity should be doing, when they are so unwilling to do anything about it their self. Why can't people just take some kind of action? It's what I try to do most of the time! Sometimes it just takes some initiative. They can't be expecting me to do everything that needs to get done in the chapter. Seriously.

The other thing going on right now is a bit of drama between a few of the sisters. One girl, Leslie, is having issues keeping up with her extra-curricular things, but since we are aware of the reason (a really traumatic childhood leading to serious depression issues), we've forgiven her lack of attendance at fraternity events. She's basically gone inactive. However, another sister, Allyson, has taken Leslie's withdrawal from life very personally. And Allyson is unfortunately the kind of girl who allows very little room for error in people, and is completely unable to let go of a problem, and gets personally offended very easily. This normally isn't a problem until you get on her bad side, which Leslie has done. Now every move Leslie makes is a personal attack on Allyson, and everything that goes wrong for Leslie is "karma." Stupid, as if everything Leslie does now is related to Allyson in some way. It's ridiculous, all around, and I wish Allyson would grow up. I had no idea this was going on until last night when Leslie told me about it. Apparently now Allyson is harassing her via text messages, and I believe her because Allyson had a similar problem with a girl in the chapter last spring. Luckily, the girl was transferring so we never had to actually deal with the problem. But anyway, back to Leslie. She had just talked to our province officer about this, and by doing so has taken the ability to deal with the situation away from me and given it to the powers that be on the national level. I actually don't mind, because if some sort of disciplinary action comes from them and not from me, I stay out of Allyson's path of destruction. Hopefully.

The good news is that things in general for the chapter are finally looking up! We have several projects planned for the next few months, some bigger than others, and our national convention is this summer! Because I got elected president again for next year (woo!), I get to go to convention as the voting delegate, and the chapter pays my way. I'm super excited. I've never been to Chicago, and now I get a week there for free! But that's what's going on. I was trying to get to sleep and just had an urge to get this out in the open somehow. By writing things (or typing things) down, I'm able to get them out of my head, or at least take a step back and get a new perspective on a situation. And I'm sorry if this seems a little loopy. Again, it's pretty early in the morning.


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2008 11 February :: 4.30 pm
:: Music: Pirates of Penzance

I'm a liar
I'm pretty much a liar about everything. I'm still smoking. I'm still broke. Well, now I'm broke, I wasnt for a while.

So our opera this semester is Pirates of Penzance, which will be a lot of fun. It already is a lot of fun. We have the show memorized, and now we're starting to block. Today we did one of the bigger "dance" scenes. It's not really DANCING but they're cute little moves that we all do that go to the music... but there is only so much you can do while still projecting your voice to the back of an auditorium.

I'm going to San Antonio for TMEA on wednesday, which will be a lot of fun. I have no money at the moment though, which is a huge issue, so tomorrow sometime I'm gonna gather a few textbooks I still have from semesters past and sell them back, and then hopefully with that money be able to afford this trip. We'll see. I wish I had gotten my taxes done by now, because that tax return would have been an amazing blessing. But whatever. Ok ummmmm.... I guess that's all. I have to get going because I have jazz choir rehearsal in about 20 minutes.


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2007 6 December :: 9.34 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Regina Spektor

So the past couple of weeks have been EXTREMELY busy.

The sunday before Thanksgiving my paternal grandmother died, so I skipped the last two days of classes and flew to Ohio with my family for the funeral on tuesday. We flew back EXTREMELY early wednesday morning, so I had that day to myself, then Thanksgiving, and then I worked like crazy for the weekend before driving back to school.

The last 2 weeks of classes have been hell! Last week was all about reviewing, and this week I had several tests every. single. day. What's ridiculous was that it wasnt even finals week, although luckily it means that I only have a few tests during finals week. Basically, the semester is wrapped up, and thank God for that.

Today all of the stress of the semester finally hit me, and unfortunately it was during my voice lesson. Luckily I have the best voice teacher in the entire world, and she was completely sympathetic. I was just freaking out about money issues, and all of these tests and everything else going on at school. So when I was having a bad singing day and just didnt feel like anything was going right, I finally broke down. I needed that though, just like I need tonight for myself. My roommate isnt even home, which is a blessing simply because I need some quiet and time to relax and just unwind.

Also, tomorrow or the day after is the last day for me to be smoking. I only picked it up in June, and I told myself that after 6 months I would quit, or else I wouldnt be able to play it off as being young and adventursome and experimental. I had quit as of the 1st of December, but then this week happened and I broke down and bought some cigarettes. It really doesnt do a whole lot for me, but mentally I think I trick myself into thinking it does. Either way, as soon as this pack is empty, I'm quitting for good, with no good excuse not to.

Anyway. I'm going to go read a book, sleep, or smoke another cigarette. Something that will allow me to chill.


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2007 31 October :: 9.34 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Maroon 5

It's been a while
So, basically I'd forgotten I had this. Obviously, since it's been over 2 years since my last update. And a lot has happened since then! I've (finally) graduated high school, and I'm now a sophomore (well, actually I think I'm one credit away from being a sophomore, but either way it's my second year) at Sam Houston State University in good 'ole Huntsville, TX. Please dont stalk me. I'm a music major (go figure, the big choir nerd that I am... I cant see myself doing anything else for the rest of my life), a soprano, and I have a voice lesson tomorrow that probably wont go extremely well due to the fact that I've developed a cold in the past couple of days. We have a concert this weekend, so I really hope I'm feeling better by then! I actually have 2 performances on saturday, one with concert choir and one with jazz choir. AH!!! Luckily I dont have a cough of any kind, just a lot of drainage and sneezing. Yum! I'm getting used to this, I've had it at least 4 times since February... I blame Mario, my completely-random-TMEA-make-out-sesh, because I got sick basically right after we got back, and it keeps coming back. I'm going to punch him next time I see him.

I've had a woohu account since it was formed, basically, this is actually my second one. I tried to log into my old one (melindy), but how am I supposed to be able to remember my password from sophomore year of high school? And I definitely dont have the same email address, so that would work. Whatever. I could probably ask Andy (owner and operator of Woohu), if I could remember his screen name on AIM... which I dont. Sad. We used to talk a lot, but I'm sure it's been at least a year now since we last talked. I hate losing touch with people like that. He's a cool guy. But whatever.

Alright well, I just figured out this password, so I thought I should update since I was logged in anyway. I have to go put my costume on now to make an appearance at a party tonight... but I'm definitely not staying for too long.


P.S. ANDY--- If you read this, IM me sometime. We should catch up.

[Edit 9:57PM] It's funny, I just went back and read 2 or 3 entries ago, and I was talking about being broke and spending too much money (which is still a MAJOR issue for me), and about how I was really considering SHSU (which is where I am now... and am really happy with it!). It's interesting that a couple years go by, and even though I feel like I've changed a lot, I'm still the same person. Although it does reinforce my belief in following my gut feeling... Sam has always been where I wanted to go to school, and I'm here now and am really really happy, and feel I'm doing what I want. Even if it is really stressful, but that's life, right?

You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2005 25 June :: 1.05 am

I really love my woohu. It's something that only one person knows about, and they dont check it. So I can write whatever I want in here. This stuff is the stuff that I need to get out of my mind but not someplace that everyone is going to see it.

I talked to Braeden tonight for about 20 minutes. It He's just gotten back from his baptist "brainwashing" camp, as Mia calls it. He's the sweetest boy ever. It reminds me why I used to like him myself. Even the way he talks...I mean, maybe it was the cold he's got, but I dont know. It was weird. And so nice.

And yet, it's not the Braeden that I've got as a best friend. He's not the same person. I hope he comes down from his religion-high a little bit and coasts there. I think somewhere between the way he was and the way he is now would make him a perfect man.

It's really weird. I dont know. It just made me think. But he's so sweet, either way.

He's the kind of boy I would love to marry.

Now it's time for bed, I really just had to get this Brae stuff out of my head a bit.


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2005 3 April :: 10.55 am
:: Mood: anxious

Things with Mom are getting crazier than they were. A lot crazier. This morning she came over and was throwing things at Dad's car and hit mine too, and Dad heard her and came down and proceeded to yell at her and things and she clawed him up and Dad locked himself in his room and called the police and it was really really crazy. So at this point I think it is safe to say that my parents arent going to be getting back together. Which covers the decisive part of the situation that was so bad, but now what? Mom's gonna drag Dad to court and try to take everything, and honestly, I love Mom, but Dad is definitely more capable of supporting me. And thankfully, next week I will be 17 which gives me some rights in the state of Texas, and if mom tries to take all of us, I can refuse. Yay for being almost an adult. But really, things around here are getting insane. I'm going to go talk to Braeden about it in a little bit. In the mean time, I think I'm going to go do laundry or clean or something. I want something to do to take my mind off of crap like this. It's time to dust again!!!


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2005 2 April :: 9.31 pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Yellow Submarine- the Beatles

My parents are fighting like crazy and I'm not really sure what is going to happen. Things were looking like they were going to be ok for a little while because Mom was moving back in and they werent fighting as much, but today while I was visiting SHSU, when Mom came back to move in and got in an argument with Dad today and left again. So yeah dont know what is going to happen with them. I dont think it will be too bad if they do split up, but the situation right now is the hard part, not knowing what is going to happen or anything like that. It's really stressful. Plus my parents use me as their spy and I dont really appreciate it very much.

What really sucks is that I'm so broke. My birthday is a week from today and hopefully I'll get some money then to help me out, but I didnt get paid last week, the week before, and I'm not getting paid this week. It sucks a lot. The paycheck after that is gonna be miniscule. I have a little over $20 to last me til then, and I want to go get polish remover tonight but I'm scared to buy some of something that I'm sure I have laying around the house and just cant find. I really shouldnt be spending money of any kind, and that is really strange for me and I dont like it. But I need to stop spending so much so fast because it's going to hurt me constantly. I need to start saving stuff. I've decided that on paychecks larger than $60, $20 of the paycheck will go into my savings account rather than my checking account. That means that I'll still have money for the week in my checking account and also have put a good amount into savings for emergencies or possibly taking out later or whatever. I just think it's probably a good idea. But what's really bad about money for me right now is that I cant rely on Dad to give me a few dollars when I want it because even though he just got paid, he's really broke cause Mom took out a lot of money and I just really dont know what I'm going to do about it. stop spending, I guess. It's about my only option.

I really want to go to SHSU. It's really pretty and I really like the program, and I could always transfer if I really wanted to, and I could room with Jacqui first year in the cool apartment dorm things. It's exciting and I hope to go there. I dont know if I'm going to go to all-state camp there this summer, though. I really should give Baylor a chance, so I'm probably going to go there this year to see how their music school is and things like that. Although Mr. Chia Pet A went there and I dont know if I want to go to the same school as he did. I respect Mr. A in the sense that he is a good teacher, but I dont want to become a mini Mr. A. I definitely want to be my own individual choir director. Sounds good, huh? Either way, SHSU is one of my serious considerations for college.


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2005 2 March :: 6.41 pm

This afternoon Mom told me I look like I've gained weight and that is really depressing. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I had kind of thought that MAYBE I was losing to some extent. I dont know. Something. So now I'm pretty depressed. If only diets were easy. Or didnt require money. Cause I could buy all the weird diet foods and things but they are expensive. I dont know, just...whatever. I feel like crap now. So. That's all.

You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2005 27 February :: 9.55 pm

I havent updated in a really long time. I guess because I havent had anything to say that I needed to hide. Work is work. Its not fun, but its bearable. Today I had to blow up a ton of balloons with the helium tank in floral, and tied them and stuff. I was proud, because I finally figured out how to tie balloons without taking like 5 minutes. So that was cool. And I dont have to work this week because Mora is covering for me, since I worked his 8 hour shift yesterday. That sucked a lot. But he says that it helped a lot in his decision making, so I am happy for him. At least he made a decision while he was there touring UT, and didnt waste my time by going and then still be indecisive. That would make me mad. Blah.

I need a life.


You aren't supposed to be here! But since you are, leave your thoughts.

:: 2005 29 January :: 9.12 pm

Pink= w00t. Thus explains the new color scheme of my Woohu. Yay for that.

I went to visit Mia tonight, which was fun stuff. I mean, only for about 10 minutes, but it was nice all the same. She's sick and under house arrest, so she appreciated me coming to see her.

A.J. hasnt been out of the house to do something besides school/drivers ed in at least two weeks. Its pretty bad. I yelled at Craig earlier to come up with something to do so that AJ will get out of the house but no luck. Still stuck in his room.

Work tomorrow all. day. long. It'll only be 3 hours longer than I worked Friday, but those 3 hours are going to make a big difference I think. I'll be tired and grumpy and depressed about school the next day, including a voice lesson that I'm not prepared for. I need to memorize it big time. I'll work on that in a minute or two. Yep. Ugh I just want to go to work so I can get it over with. The hardest thing about work is getting there. I'm ok once I am there, but not before so. Also, this is my first weekend, and knowing weekends, its when EVERYONE goes grocery shopping, so I'll be busy as crap. Which will hopefully make the time pass faster. That would be amazing. Alright this is enough. I didnt have any emotion-wrenching events happen today, so I dont really have anything to say, I simply wanted to update because I made my journal pink.

One thing I dont understand, though, is how Braeden can make me feel like everything is my fault. Last night, for instance. He made me feel like crap by yelling at me and calling me a hypocrite and liar. And then somehow, it was me who ended up apologizing. He makes me feel so imperfect, and like I'm the one that needs to change. When in fact, when I think about it, he's the one that needs to change. I mean, I love him as he is, but somehow it always ends up being my fault, and something I did. Ugh. And its not. Not this time, anyway.

My computer screen is really dirty. I'm going to clean it now, followed by Preludios practice. Yay. My life is officially boring.


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