::
2004 25 July :: 1.42 am
:: Mood: depressed...
off to bed, hopefully to never wake again...
I no longer know what to say...
I know I've hurt you, and I'm sorry...
Someday, I hope you can forgive me...
I wouldn't forgive myself...
I'm not going to either...
"Why can't you see that I try
When every tear I shed
Is for you?"
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 17 June :: 8.50 am
Isn't there a saying that goes "don't fuck with a good thing?" Would that go double for a bad thing?
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 6 June :: 9.23 am
:: Mood: even more depressed...
It happened, pretty much...I was hoping it'd never happen...I guess it was just plain inevitability...which sucks, a lot...this sucks...
However, if this is what it will take for Carmen to be happy, then it had to be done...if my presence is going to hurt Carmen, then this is the outcome that must be...I never wanted to hurt Carmen, and unfortuantely, I have...too much, it would seem...
So maybe this will be good in the long run...she can enjoy her summer without me to ruin it for her...she wont have me to hold her back anymore...she can be happy now...
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 3 June :: 8.41 am
:: Mood: depressed...
Pretty much everything I had ever hoped for went down the drain last night...you know, being happy...
I was right, there is no way out of this without hurting anybody...especially since I've already hurt Carmen a lot...which is something I never wanted to do...
I just want some guidance...
4 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 2 June :: 3.20 pm
:: Music: Dragonforce-My spirit will go on
It's been awhile...haven't updated because I didn't have the will to...and I was afraid of what I would have written...things have slowed down though, done with AS, school coming to a close, etc...This week really isn't as busy as past weeks have been...exams are tomorrow, well, french and math...Amanda and I are going to study for french tonight, because neither of us really know any of it...and we don't want to fail...math should be simple, and so should chem...got my t-shirt today, turned out wonderfully...yay!
My emotions have really been confused recently...extremely confused...I have no clue what to do, and no one has really been able to help, probably because no one can help me with this, a decision I must make for myself...
*sigh*
Give me strength...
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 27 May :: 10.58 pm
:: Mood: indecisive
:: Music: Dragonforce
Well, tonight was fun...kind of...I ate a whole bunch...so much, I'm surprised my stomach is still alive...I didn't win the presidency, James did...I'm going to keep him in line though, if he does get out of line...I did receive the Arion award, which was an extremely uplifting event...Did some great editing after school today...project's looking great...yay! Banquet next Tuesday, woo!
Tomorrow, gonna go shopping for my father...maybe I'll try to get some sushi with Carmen...or maybe I could treat her to some next week...time will tell...
Quote of the day:
"On the endless sea of madness we sail forever more
And the endless tears of sadness towards the distant shores"
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 24 May :: 11.21 pm
:: Mood: you tell me...
:: Music: Paradise by the Dashboard Lights
Well, this weekend was alright...went to see the One Acts on Friday night, and then to Relay for Life...had a good time, got sick, and then came home...read more of my book, and then eventually got to sleep...kinda cried myself to sleep...
Saturday morning I woke rather early to go to work, and then I went to baeball practice...turns out I am still able to hit rather well...came home, showered, and then went to Carmen's, ran some errands, and looked for her keychain (which, unfortunately, we did not find)...we went back to her house for awhile, and then I left for church...fell asleep a little during church...came home, cleaned up a little, and then picked Carmen up for the receital of Evan and Christine, which was amazing by the way...afterwards, I went to get Subway, and McDonalds for Carmen...we ended up eating in McDonalds and keeping Douggie company during his break...afterwards, we returned to Carmen's house, and watched Monster's Inc.
Sunday was rather bassoon-filled...I had my lessons at 11 A.M., because of our concert...at 1:30, I went back to Kobacker for rehersal...after rehersal, I came home and fell asleep until about 5:30...had dinner, got dressed, and then went to the concert...Concert went well, bands played very well...after the concert, Carmen and I went to Dairy Queen and met up with some other people, had a good time with that...drove home through the torrential downpour, waiting most of it out in Carmen's driveway...made it home safe...
Today sucked...
I'm also getting ill...my head and sides ache to no end...
Quote of the day:
"And I'm praying for the end of time
So I can end my time with you"
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 20 May :: 11.28 pm
:: Mood: let down...tired...
:: Music: Ten Years Gone-Led Zeppelin
Another busy day...I swear, this whole ordeal is going to run me straight into the ground...I haven't had much time to myself lately, it is always GO GO GO! I've not spent time with Carmen all week, but tomorrow night that wil hopefully change...I plan on editing until 4 or so tomorrow, so yeah...
Today was rather busy...in Band, Daniel made a comment, proving just how much of a sexist he is, which warrented a punch between the eyes, but being in school, I could not commit such a thing...In French, got a few of my verb quizzes back...I re-took a few during lunch, so that helped out a little...didn't do much in Chem...nor in Art...but in math, I got my test back, and I got a 56/60!!! Woo! In AS (and the rest of the day) Peter and I edited our movie some more...I made countless runs all over the building...I also saw Carmen a few times...
I stayed in the G4 lab until 4:30, and then went to work...well, to Carmen's for a quick hug, and then to work...the good news at work was that there were donuts in the back, to quell my hunger...and no Mrs. East! I also acted as the liasion between Dr. Underwood and the CP Staff...sometime after 6, I called Brittany to make sure we still had plans tonight to work on the chem, but Daniel and her had already done it, and she was on her way home...so not only did she not wait for me to do the homework, she didn't stop by like she thought she'd be able to...and later tonight, I talked to her, she said that if I had called 10 minutes earlier, she'd have turned around...kinda ticked me off, that I need to call people to remind them that I even fucking exist...*sigh*
After work, Amanda still wanted to work on the Chemisty, so we did, and we finished it...she left after awhile...that was one good thing for today...another good thing was that Sara apologized to me for being a bitch lately, and that she just needed time so she could come to realization that she screwed up (after prom)...the final good thing was that I got to see Carmen for awhile...she needed a scanner, and I have one...so yeah...horrible day, but it did have it's plusses...
No quote due to malfunctioning computer...
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 19 May :: 11.27 pm
:: Mood: tired...and maybe a little of something else...
Today, I ran late, which was partially due to me having to fill out the band questionnaire...I was nominated for the Arion award, and hopefully I will recieve it...that'd be so sweet...anywho, band and french went slow...in chem, we flew out balloons, and ours took second place with an air-time of 26 seconds and some odd milliseconds...Sara was being a total bitch, I have no idea what was up her ass today...I told her that if she had nothing nice to say, she should say anything at all...which is true...in Art, I worked on my acrylic paint a little more...in math, I did pretty poorly on my test, and then I went and had lunch with Carmen in the drama room...in AS, we worked on editing, which is coming along rather well...I have been rather snappish with Yi lately, and I feel bad for it...
After editing until 4:30, I went to Rally's to get a burger, and then to work...I worked until 7:30, the last hour or so spent reading the shelves, which is positively the most boring job ever! Have mercy on me, lord of books!
I had a reed-buying session with Michael tonight...I bought two reeds that need to be broken in, but shall last me the whole summer, hopefully...that way, I can get first chair at wooster!!! Yay...
After meeting with Michael, I dropped by Carmen, gave her a hug or two (hopefully boosting her morale during the arduous calc paper) and then came home...I had two Grandma Ginny burgers for dinner, and finished reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...worked a little on my Matewan respose, but should really finish it up soon...
Tomorrow, I am going to try and watch the one acts...I know I will make it on Friday though...
Quote of the day:
"Lazy sun
Your eyes catch the light
With promises that might
Come true for awhile
Oh I'll ride
Farther than I should
Harder than I could
Just to meet you there "
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 17 May :: 10.55 pm
:: Mood: content
Well, today was rather slow...not too much happened in classes, except in AS, where we started our editing...it was kind of a waste, and introductory lesson for those who didn't know much about i-Movie...we stayed until 3:30 or so, and then I went to work...work sucked...a lot...I was really tired, my stomach felt horrible, Mrs. East was in bitch-mode...
After work, I came home, and did nothing, really...hard to believe, with this exciting life of mine...anyways, eventually, I went with my mother to Spots to get dinner, and then I picked Carmen up for the Outsider's event...this Nighthike was pretty fun...we walked around, birding for about an hour and a half...then we star-gazed for awhile, looking at Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, Venus, and the N.E.A.T. Comet...this has sparked an interest in me to start using our telescope...maybe I can get Carmen to join me regularily this summer...which would be sweet!
No time for a quote...sorry folks...
5 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 16 May :: 11.35 pm
:: Mood: hard to tell...
Well, today was alright...my parents woke me up for church, but I didn't really want to go...I got home from church, and practiced bassoon a little...after that, I had lunch, worked on my painting, and then on my Matewan response...I then went to Carmen's to hang out...came home for dinner, and then went to bassoon...stopped by Carmen's afterwords, chatted a little with her and Doug, and then came home...worked on Matewan response more, and here I am...yeup...exciting, eh?
I would like to ask for Carmen's forgiveness...I've being a real moron about the whole commenting on my journal thing...I'm sorry Carmen...
And to Britt, I'm sorry about being harsh for not visiting me at the library...yeah...
Quote of the day:
"There you are
And you stand in the rain
And the rain fills your brain
And it makes you think that God
Was fucked up when he made this town
There you stand
With your bleedin' hands
And you don't understand
Why you work so goddamn hard
To be anything at all
There you are
And you drive in your car
And you wish for the stars
And you end up face down in the road
Dead as fuck "
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 16 May :: 1.35 am
:: Mood: tired...and other things...
Well, tonight was Kat's birthday party...it was a good time...the bonfire was possibly one of the most amazing thing's I have witnessed...the brush pile exploded when the firecracker was shot into it, sending chunks of brush and debris outwards from the pile...that was amazing...for the rest of the time, I was dancing downstairs with the rest of the people, or sitting out near the fire, watching it and thinking...yeah...remembering, perhaps...
*Dream-like sigh*
Earlier today, my group finished up all of our filming, which was wonderful...now, this week is time for post-production, hopefully finishing up our project a week in advance! Which would be awesome, by the way...but if not, we have another week to work on it, so we do have some cushion...
God is in His heaven, all is right with the world...
Quote of the day:
"For those with wings
Fly to your dreams"
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 15 May :: 9.22 am
:: Mood: kinda sad...tired...not really sure about the rest
Well, this week was a little bit less stressful...Monday night I went to the Cabaret, Tuesday I hung around my house and then went to Meijer for awhile...Wednesday, I went out ot eat at Easy Street with Carmen...dinner was good, I had a pizza burger...she had a rather large BLT...we hung out for awhile after that, and I ended up missing curfew, which got me in trouble with my parents...they ended up "grounding" me for Friday...
Thursday, I had the orch concert after work...Carmen stopped by at work to visit me, and then went to her rehersal...I went home, had lasagna for dinner, and then went to the concert...I really liked the orchestra's performance, especially "Sing, Sing, Sing"...Carmen said the symph-orch did really well too, which was cool...after the concert, we went to Dairy Queen and messed around there for awhile...after that, I took her to her car, and came home...
Yesterday, I went to school with some dress clothes for filming later on...sat through the awards ceremony, listening to Loudan and Daniel be complete morons and assholes...after that, I went to what little I had left of art class...eventually, in 7th period, we went and filmed in Mr. Preston's class...after school, we got some film of Rada and others playing some basketball...worked out very well...I sat with Carmen, Esther, Doug, and Jackie while they rehersed, and then Carmen and I went to the Weston Library to get Matewan...we went to the mall after that...and then back to the highschool...that was the extent of our time together, and I went home and was bored...I watched Matewan and practiced bassoon, which didn't really help with my loneliness...
Today, hopefully, we will film what we need for our movie, and then be done with that...I work until 1 today, and then I will film, as previously mentioned...after filming, I hope to hang out with Carmen for awhile...Kat's birthday party is tonight, so I think I may go to that, if I am allowed...
Quote of the day:
"Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives
to eat their bacon "
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 11 May :: 10.47 pm
well, to-day was alright...didn't really do much, school was kinda boring...the talent show was fun...Went to a Model UN meeting after school, am looking forward to taking part in this organization...should be a fun time...
I went to Rally's with Carmen after the meeting, and then to work...it was alright, nice being in an air conditioned place (well, sometimes)...Carmen stopped by for a visit, which was nice...
After work, I came home and sat around...Carmen came over for awhile, and then she went to work on Calc...I sat around some more, and then went to meijer with carmen...bought some doritos and talked to Bob for awhile...yeup...
Last night, Carmen, her mom and dad and I attended the Cabaret, which was positively sweet...it provided nice entertainment and dessert (of which I had too much)...and that's about it...
No quote today, not in the mood...
4 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 9 May :: 11.16 pm
:: Music: Honors Festival
Well, this weekend has been pretty good for me...Saturday, although waking up rather early, wasn't so bad...I had a lovely time riding there and back with Carmen...I slept mostly on the way back, and she slept mostly on the way there...our performance warrented a 2, somehow...I believe we played better than we did at districts, but, alas, we did not do better...Ian and I have found a new calling for our life...a Jon Anderson concert with a 95-piece contemporary student orchestra...wow, we are going to try and get up there, and the 25th or something of May...upon our return, Carmen and I hung out for awhile at my house, and then went shopping for Mother's day...we came home, kinda had dinner, and then went off to Connie and Carla...unfortunately, Carmen suddenly got sick, and very tired, so we left...when we got home, she conked out, and I stuck around for an hour or so...I came home, and eventually, Britt and Amanda came over...Britt and I gave Amanda a quick lesson in video gamery, and then I took Amanda home...I was up, after that, playing some FF:CC, then called Carmen (around 1:30) and went to sleep...
I woke up at about quarter of 10...that was 8-odd hours of sleep for me...probably ranks up there for the largest amount of sleep attained in one sitting (laying)...I got up, played some more FF:CC (I'm getting hooked again)...Carmen called me around 10:45, and said she'd stop be by eventually...I continued with FF:CC, and eventually gave my mother her mother's day gift and card...I got to see my uncle and aunt today, and they met Carmen also...we had Subway for lunch (Carmen included), which was good...haven't had Subway in a while...after lunch and surfing the web, we headed over to Carmen's house for a tad, and then went rollerblading...we stopped by the library so I could check to see if there were any books for me to shelve, but there were none, so we didn't stick around...we rollerbladed down to the pet store to buy some pet shampoo, but they were closed...we proceeded to rollerblade down Pearl, arriving at the aftermath of a recent accident...someone ran into a telephone pole...although we decided to skate away, we wanted to stick around to see what happened...we then went down Eberly, pointing out people's houses along the way...we stopped and sat on a bench and chatted in the park...eventually, we got to Carmen's and just kinda crashed...we just laid around the house...I went home for dinner (which was surprisingly good)...I watched part of Runaway Jury, wasn't entertained much, and returned to Carmen's...I then went to lessons...things are coming along well, although it would be better if I'd had some time to practice this week...I returned to Carmen's after lessons, and watched some of Harry Potter...I left to go home, and watch some of the storm brewing up north...I got home, and eventually got to where I am now, in my boxers and my shirt, in my dad's office, and on the phone with Carmen...hmm...intriguing...
Quote of the day:
"Waves pound the gloomy shores,
I watch them roll across my feet so warm
I know she's waiting there for me"
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
|