Lost
I feel sick to my stomach and I dont know why..it feels like I did something wrong but I can't figure it out. Ugh..please let it not be a big deal. Inshallah everything will pass and I will go back to the way everything was a month ago....i miss Ramadan!! like alot...its weird cause during it i wanted to end, but now i miss it.

I miss a lot of things

this year is very different

alot is missing!

But, i dont want to replace any of it and will sit here missing it.

Ok 1,2,3 CHANGE.

I know thats not how it works but...its an idea!

I don't know...
so, sometimes i wish the world would make sense. I want the guy i like to like me and the guys that shouldn't like me to go away! its easy right!?!?!? I don't know what happened today...i just acted stupid. I mean i wanted to cuddle just not with him...at all! now, i opened pandora's box and have to deal with that stupid drama! Grr. I really should write my paper but i don't know, i just feel stupid and used!

I don't know whats wrong with my dumbass...i need to get out and get away...maybe i will plan a weekend extravaganza to somewhere!! :) i need a trip...ill probably end up going to Wisconsin...not exciting.

How to fix my life:
1. write paper
2. figure out car situation
3. talk to stupid boy
4.write second paper
5.do presentation
6. take out trash
7. make dentist appt.
8. get NEW contacts!!!!
9. tell theresa the website
10.start studying for the 2 tests on thursday!

That stupid boy
I don't know how i got myself into this horrible awkward situation with this stupid boy. But it goes something like this: he dated my good friend, they broke up, they dated again, they broke up & we hung out....we both liked eachother (but didn't do anything b/c of her), this year we kissed, the next day he says your roommate is going to be pissed...they had something going on before hand, earlier that month they started(like they were kissing and perhaps relationship potential). I dont hang out with him & sorta get over him. Things go back to normal ( i dont like him & stay away from him still b/c im nice & think my roommate forgave me for kissing him, even though, i didnt know anything was going on at the time)

My roommate turns into a psycho bitch...really psycho bitch calling him 5 times a day!! She finally snapped @ me (she was intoxicated), she said she couldn't trust me & basically couldn't believe i wasn't a mind reader and should have known that there was something going on. It pisses me off, so i stop playing nice. i go back to the way me and the boys friendship used to be (it was always a lil flirty and so i let it be, no hurtful intentions just i am allowed to be friends with him and act normal). He has a party at our place and spends the entire time hitting on me (she was there!!) he tries to kiss me a couple of times and sends really really cute text messages. I like him again (prior to the party, but i didn't kiss him or really flirt back, he apologized/asked if i was upset later cause he knew he had fucked up with me). She broke up with him the next morning.

I like him...
he likes me...
she hasn't really talked to me or told me anything...
she has been crying & doesnt want me to know...
this is really hard!!

I am not allowed to ever do anything with him ever, right?? But, i really want to kiss him again and go out on dates....

I dont know how to get over him, how do u get over a boy??

I hate this!!

Ok...so i'm supposed to be writing two papers and studying for a test...and what am i doing???

Take a wild guess!!

I am not motivated this semester to do well at ALL!! I DON'T CARE!! i have to take a bunch of bs core classes that i really don't care about...i just want the world to work!! :P

so random question ( i've been wondering the answer lately and i haven't come up with anything):

why do you wake up in the morning?? what gets you out of bed? why?

So i dunno i havent written here in forever. u guys know i only write here when im either super excited or super not happy...depressed is not the right word cuz i dont know what depression is. Anyway...im just frustrated. im the type of person that when i go into a friendship or consider u a good friend (like best type deal) i tell u everything...im open like that. i dunno this week i just dont feel like my friends are like that adn it pisses me off...but i decided if someone doesnt feel comfortable telling me something then they dont have 2.

i mean its their choice. but w/e. im just havin a lot of trouble wit school and bein sick so everything is gettin to me...it wont be a big deal in like a week so whatever. i shoudl be writing a 1000 word ethics paper but honestly i dont care about st. aquanis!!! damn jesuits!! :) i was gonna somethin else but i forgot. OH...so i asked one of my friends to read my paper and edit it and she didnt. ive read atleast three of her papers...but w/e i wont do that for her anymore its not fair. she i dunno i understand where she comes from however im not a good writer not even close so

i hate people cuz i hate lettin them in...it always hurts cuz they will injury u at some point in time and its just sometimes not worth it. but i guess it makes u stronger and its nice to feel loved when u do! well. i really gotta write this paper.

:)

Yasamin