home | profile | guestbook


Stuck in the Eighties

recent entries | past entries


koalalady

:: 2017 25 April :: 11.14am

I need more Shakespeare in my life. Miss that quirky dude.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 11 April :: 10.13am
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: general funk

Finally.
Another door shut. Another tangent I don't have to explore. The older I get, the less pressure I feel to twist myself into all these unnatural pretzel shapes. The less I feel the need to change to fit the image I see in my head, or to meet the expectations of others. Overall it's a good thing, but at the same time I'm left with more questions: If my path isn't being defined by the authorities in my life, by the institutions that I once looked up to, then it's all up to me. And what do I want it to look like?

Do I want to get married? To be somebody's wife? Is that something I ever really wanted?

I wish now more than ever that I hadn't shut you out. You believed in me, never mocked me for what I liked. What would you have said to me when I was ten years old?

What am I doing here?

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 8 April :: 9.21am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
:: Music: #WDSworkshop

Jokes
How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They have a machine that does that now.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The pianist can do it with her left hand.

How many lead female vocalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one: she holds it up with one hand while the world revolves around the screw base.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 3 April :: 8.34am
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: Moby

Did my taxes yesterday, all by myself (S helped a little when I broke down in tears of frustration doing the Ohio IT BUS form). Overpaid by about a grand and a half. I'm so relieved.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 27 March :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Enigma

Considering getting into oil painting...but I definitely need to do my taxes first.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 17 March :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: Deux Arabesques (I), Debussy

Changes
Today was really, really good. The whole week was, actually. I'm working in the studio now - I had a student today. I feel bad that I haven't practiced much in my Gershwin. BUT, I have been drilling my shit. Had to double-check stuff like augmented chords and melodic minors scale fingerings. It's been good refreshing my own memory as I'm starting to tread those old neuropathways again.

Teaching is interesting. I never thought I would like it, but it's actually been pretty cool so far. The studio is a really positive environment and there's a lot of talent in the community to build upon. Like, I can actually say I have a career in music now. Working artist, I can live with that.

It feels sudden and new, like we just moved here all over again. I can't wait for spring to turn into summer, when we can open up the doors again and have breakfast on the balcony. Not that I can't go out there without perpetually being afraid of the bees. But still. I have regained sureness that I did the right thing. It's a good feeling, knowing you were right all along about following your own advice. Ha...if you're as into mental masturbation as I am, apparently.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 22 February :: 9.47pm
:: Music: Mad Men

Finally.
Fuck me. Life is AWESOME again!!! Woohoo!!!!

1 leaves | play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 21 February :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: beach house mix tape

Aaaand just like that, I have a new part-time job playing music every week. My piano teacher also invited me to apply to actually teach lessons (!!!) at the studio because they are opening up a second location! Sooo today I redid my resume and submitted for that as well. What an awesome week. PLUS I randomly got a bonus last week at my actual job for doing some extra work on a project, so that's cool.

Yeah. Damn. Can't believe how high things are actually looking up.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 16 February :: 11.11pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: Liz Vice

Make a wish.
I feel so incredibly lucky and loved right now. I get to fall asleep tonight next to the love of my life, and I have felt so loved and supported lately in our relationship that I know I made the right decision to try and stick it out since last May. We been through some trials this year fo' sho. But right now, I am going to rest in the love that is there, protecting us and keeping me safe and warm. I deserve to feel the love right now.

I had an audition tonight with a group that's been together for about five years. Seriously one of the most solid groups of adult musicians I've ever played with. Some actual professionals in the bunch, everyone talented and rock solid in their roles. And I fit so, so well with these people: the style and range, skill levels, personalities--tonight was a lot of fun, not something I normally expect at this type of thing. Director is going to call me to work out payment and logistics stuff this week. So we'll see what happens there.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 6 February :: 1.45pm
:: Mood: judgy ;(

Parenting(?)
Sitting in the Biggby on 10 Mile watching this woman totally ignore her daughter for the past hour and a half. Just sitting on her phone, not even looking up when her daughter talks to her, stomps her feet, climbs all over the furniture in the coffee shop. I watched this kid try to eat tin foil and her mom is completely glued to her phone.

Just my opinion...but if you don't pay attention to your kids, you probably shouldn't have them.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 31 January :: 7.13am

Some more insights
1. I actually pretty much like doing everything, and I am one of those people who always finds a way to be happy in any given circumstance. So I think sometimes we need to find a balance between really wanting and letting ourselves work toward something specific out of life, and also being able to roll with the punches and find another way when it doesn't work out.
2. Accepting your desire for something to be different AND the fact that things are not that way is the first step toward realizing you can change.
3. It doesn't matter what you feel like doing; do what your highest self wants you to do. That's the only thing that matters if you do it or not.

. . . . .

4. I am still an artist, and I don't need to be super socially connected and publicly engaged for that to be true.
5. I am way more relaxed when I practice mindfulness.
6. I need to pay more attention to my negative self-talk.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 27 January :: 2.15pm
:: Music: Cigarettes After Sex

Some Insights
1. Nothing says I actually need to pretend like I know what someone's talking about, if I don't. I ought to stop agreeing that I know what something is if I've never heard of it. They can explain it; I can learn something.
2. I am not going to magically start caring about something. Instead of being numb and waiting for something that grabs my passion, I should just put effort into something that sounds fun and enjoyable, that I already kind of like. Because just kind of liking something is enough to be happy.
3. "We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present." ~Marianne Williamson

1 leaves | play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 26 January :: 2.51pm

I don't know what I want, either. Sometimes it feels so simple, and sometimes it's confusing and hard. Probably would be better if I read more books. Books have answers, you know.

2 leaves | play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 24 January :: 10.27am

Sometimes. I really miss. You. So much.

play in the leaves?


koalalady

:: 2017 18 January :: 10.01am
:: Mood: jubilant
:: Music: Moby

I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

1 leaves | play in the leaves?

Woohu.com | Random Journal