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2006 1 March :: 10.20 pm
What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could've been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.
My heart is breaking and you're still faking a feeling that you will never know.
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2006 28 February :: 10.42 pm
Tonight just made me realize that this isn't going to come easy.
It's pretty much now or never.
It's just one of those things where the stakes are high. Sometimes it's forever and sometimes it's goodbye.
All I can say is I'm not going to be the one to regret this.
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2006 27 February :: 10.29 pm
I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do because I'll never be with you.
But it's time to face the truth. I will never be with you.
5 shooting stars |
lie awake |
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2006 26 February :: 5.57 pm
:: Mood: Annoyed
The longer I tried denying this, the worse I feel. I've come to realize that pretending I don't hate you isn't making anything better. The truth is, I've never hated anyone more. Sometimes I say that I hate someone when I'm talking to one of my friends and i'll be like "oh yeah I hate him/her" but I never mean it. Things are differen't with you. I truly hate you and nothing will ever change that. I don't feel bad for saying this. You have no idea how much you've ruined things. You're so fucking ungrateful and selfish that I can't even stand it anymore. I seriously hope you choke.
Glad that's all out in the open now.
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2006 26 February :: 12.37 pm
You got your own way of looking at it, I guess that proves that I got mine. It's just who we are.
We've come too far to start over now. I know what you're thinking. I'm not always easy to be around but I do love you. You keep me believing that you love me too and I know it's true. This love drives us crazy but nobody's walking away so I guess we'll have to do it the hard way.
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2006 24 February :: 11.41 pm
Tonight was really good I guess you could say.
First I went to Aarons after school and then we went to the game.
I seen Ryan Case there and I was really happy. I haven't seen him in a while and then I was just walking and someone called my name and I turned and it was Martha and Ashleigh. I was so excited. I haven't seen either of them in over a year now. Martha had a baby named Alex and he's 6 months old and Ashleigh's baby is 5 months old and her name is Haleigh. They both were so cute. I was holding them the whole time.
Oh and so then of course I'm just minding my own business when Sara comes up to me and she either heard Josh saying this to someone or he told her but anyways I guess he was saying how he wanted his cousin to meet me because he has the biggest crush on me and blah blah blah and so Sara said I should go talk to him and I was hell no that's not going to happen. It's too akward for me now. It's fine not knowing if someone has a crush on you and yeah if you have a crush on them then that's perfect but when you don't it just makes things akward and it basically made things 10 time worse when he wrote a fucking SONG about me. I've never had anyone do that before and it's just a little weird esp. since in the song it said "I want to love you forever." Yeah..that's what I said. It's just too much for me and I don't know how he became so in "love" with me since I've never liked him back and i've also never lead him on. He loves me but he doesn't know who I am and of course after the game Aaron and I are walking to my car and Josh is also in the parking lot and he has to make it known that i'm outside so he starts talking really loud so Josh can hear him and look over and see us.... It's just too fucking weird for me. First I get flowers by one boy and now im getting songs by another. It's not really cute unless you actually are dating this person. Now I'm just getting annoyed by this whole thing and I feel bad for complaining about this it's just I need to vent right now and everyone else in the world is sleeping.
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking. When you fall, everyone stands, and you've had your fill of sinking.
lie awake |
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2006 23 February :: 8.35 pm
You know..I can't remember the last time we kissed because you never think the last time is really the last time. You always think there will be more. You think you have forever but you don't. -Greys Anatomy
Yeah so...it's like...I really want to tell you...but then again I don't want you to know.
lie awake |
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2006 23 February :: 6.23 pm
You say we're bitches but we laugh because we knew it way before you did.
2 shooting stars |
lie awake |
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2006 22 February :: 3.59 pm
Take me. Break me. Every mile further there's a part of me that slips away. One day you'll see, even if you got down on your knees you couldn't make me stay.
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2006 21 February :: 4.23 pm
:: Mood: sick
I feel like shit. My lungs feel like they are going to..I don't know, fall out or something if I cough anymore. It's sucky. I hate being sick. Why can't I just be healthy for at least a month straight?
I said I wasn't going to go out tonight because I just stated that I'm sick but I don't want to cancel my plans at the last minute. I'll just go, have a good time, and not complain.
Haha what an akward day for Elyse and I. We never should have told that boy those things. Now he thinks we love him just as much as he loves us. We were only kidding. It was all just for a joke. So now I have to avoid him and when I do run into him, I just have to look the other way.
lie awake |
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2006 20 February :: 7.12 pm
and when you finally regret it....blame yourself.
I'm only doing this because I have to.
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2006 17 February :: 10.21 pm
I'm at my dads right now with Kelli and Brina. Kelli is downstairs in my room on my computer right now and i'm upstairs in my kitchen on my laptop. My dad hasn't gotten us wireless internet here yet for our house so I figured I wouldn't get any signal but I picked up signal from one of our neighbors so now we don't have to pay for it lol. It's pretty exciting. Brina is downstairs annoying everyone while i'm up here in the piece and quiet! Thank god.
Today Kelli and I went shopping for Brina and we got her the cutest outfits. I got her the cutest shoes too! I had to get her some pink ballet flats, of course :) and then we got her pink cowgirl boots. They're so cute. She's stylin' now.
Ohhh yeah. We can't forget this story. We were at Target today too and we got into my car and we were on our way out of the parking lot and I seen this car that was basically parked out in the middle of no where and the windows were foggy but I could still see in it and I seen this guy and girl having sex and I was like "OMG KELLI THEY'RE HAVING SEX!" and she's like "WHAT?!" so she wanted me to turn around and we pulled up right next to them and they started putting their clothes back on. I'm not even kidding about any of this. I was disgusted. Who has sex in a parking lot? I never would have sex where random people could see me. That's a little, umm GROSS!?!
I went out to dinner and to Cold Stone tonight! I love that place. If you haven't been there you probably should go.
I guess we aren't supposed to get our power back until Sunday at midnight which is too long so that's why I wont be returning there anytime soon.
I'm getting a little freaked out. I feel like i'm being watched up here. We have a huge windows in my kitchen and I just heard a loud noise in the garage so I ran downstairs.
crazything2132 (10:39:21 PM): why r u coming downstairs
crazything2132 (10:39:26 PM): is that you?
crazything2132 (10:40:42 PM): omg
crazything2132 (10:40:46 PM): what was the loud noice
crazything2132 (10:40:50 PM): are u dead?
Born2bOnStage x3 (10:41:38 PM): you heard that loud noise?
Yeah..what a nice friend haha.
I just want you to know that, I miss you, I miss you so.
6 shooting stars |
lie awake |
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2006 16 February :: 9.40 pm
Well we don't have power here either. I'm on my laptop though. I seriously am greatful that I have one because otherwise I probably would be going nuts right now like I was a few minutes ago before I realized I could get on the internet from my laptop. My three year old cousin Brina is here and I'm watching her until Sunday and anyways she wanted to find her lip gloss that I gave her and it was upstairs in my room and she kept telling me to go get it for her because it was "too dark" upstairs so we gave her a flashlight and we told her to go get it herself and she was up there for like 5 minutes until we realized we didn't hear her anymore so then we started calling her name and she wouldn't respond and then randomly she goes "I lost my flashlight!" it was so funny. She was just sitting up there in the dark looking for it. I was cracking up when she said that. I love her so much.
He confuses me so much. Why does he keep asking. I haven't figured it out yet. Well I have one idea but who knows if that's even possiable.
lie awake |
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2006 16 February :: 12.54 pm
I don't want you to know where I am because then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line, well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said that, it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to try and never become that way again, cause who I am hates who i've been.
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