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.put your ear to my chest and listen to my heart shatter.

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:: 2004 26 November :: 1.18 am
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: YEAH- usher (aka im a loser)

ive been so caught up...
WOW, I totally forgot I had this thing... so I guess im going to update it!

nothing really has been happening lately but so much has happend since ive updated this...

me and kyle are no longer speaking...yeah i mean i know i was practically IN LOVE with him..he just forgot to mention to me that he had a girlfriend...and I found out from one of his friends... and just the other day he broke up with her and sent me a text message saying stuff like "I really miss talking to you, i feel like I have no one to talk to and no one understands me anymore..." Yea i really miss tlaking to him too but I mean ugh...ya know?

Me and mike have been unnofficially dating since about august...and officially been dating since september 19th :) He is wicked sweet....Me and Nate are no longer friends...He's a douche anyway and its not like i miss him...

Sam hates me... he said I used to be the sweetest girl on earth and now im a rotten bitch. I think hes just upset because I am over him more than he I and I am ready to date and shit and hes deff. Not... Oh well I do miss tlking to him and shit but I dont want to put up with all his whining and I STILL LOVE YOU crap

ummm...I redid my bedroom and it kicks ass now...
I went to warped tour and it was amazing! orgasmic even...
I went to a something corporate concert last week and that was really good too...


I dont really know what else to can check out my other journals and stuff if you want!

<3 Cassie

1 Artist | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2004 28 May :: 1.43 am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: hoobastank- the reason

its not my fault i love you
same shit different day...people suck but what can ya do? geeze ryan i havent talked to you in forever!@#$%^&


2 Artists | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2004 28 May :: 1.43 am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: hoobastank- the reason

its not my fault i love you
same shit different day...people suck but what can ya do? geeze ryan i havent talked to you in forever!@#$%^&


Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2004 20 May :: 1.36 am
:: Mood: moody

Promise- matchbook romance
what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go

and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them

why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy

so fall asleep tonight, cuz' that brings me closer to you

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2004 17 May :: 1.04 am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Matchbook Romance- Lovers and Liers

The stars are not out tonight, but neither are we to look up to them
Friday night i got home and all my little sisters friends were over. And Nick. Nick's this cute kid that my little sis has had a crush on for forever. I walked into the living room and asked the girls if they could keep it down a bit because i had to get up early the next morning and Sarah was all like "uh no now leave us alone" and nick was like "Sarah! thats your sister be nice" and then all the other girls chimed in and i was like awww thanks nick. He can be a real nice kid at times and then there are times he can be a jerk. (im friends with his oldest brother steve)

well yea i went to bed around 11 but didnt fall asleep until 12ish because i just layed there thinking about things, mostly Sammy and Kyle.

I miss them both terribly and whenever my mind wanders I seem to think about one of them. I swear to god im going to end up getting married to Kyle, hes like perfect. Except for the fact that he lives like a million miles away. Im glad we still keep in contact tho because hes always there when i need him most and he is the sweetest guy i have ever met. *sigh* i cant wait until i see him next. I just need to see his face again.

I really think that i still have feelings for sam though. I was talking to him today and he said something to me like "ya know i love you" or something and i lost it. I was crying my eyes out. Thank god the kids were sleeping. I still think it was best for us to break up though. I mean we had a really unhealthy relationship. but there are times when i cant help but think what would have happend if we hadnt broken up in October.

Then again i never would have had the gut to hook up with kyle that one week when we were on vacation but i dont know anymore. I feel like something really big is missing in my life. Brian always jokes around and says "you just need to get laid" haha. what a loser. yea ive been babysitting since 6.30 this morning and the parents come home around midnmight tonight.

Nate Mike and John stopped by and annoyed the hell out of me. I was about ready to start crying again because they were messing up the house after i just cleaned it and they were making the kids all crazy and stuff. And then they were saying some really unappropriate things in front of the little kids. they were making me so angry and being so immature. I mean Mike wasnt that bad at all, he usually isnt but Nate and John were driving me up the wall.
they finally left and then i finished giving the girls a bath and they are watching the wiggles right now. I am about to put them to bed and then hopefully have someone come visit me again? I dont like being alone when im feeling this way, my mind wanders too much....

well i think im done for now....i dont think im going to be ready to date for a while though, i need to figure myself out first i think, no matter how much i really really really want a boyfriend. Someone i can talk to and who understands me and to share everything with. But hah, like theres going to be a guy (other than kyle) that will have all those things....

it was the first time in my life, yea the first time in my life, where i did something right

And rest assured I'm moving on
I miss you less ::more:: with each day your gone

2 Artists | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2004 14 May :: 1.16 am

Watching backwards as life like pictures
Stinging thoughts, born with phantoms
We danced above a world forgotten
Moments cherished...even now
A train-wrecked heart loves fairy tales
Singing from a gaping wound
However time has left unsettled
My memories play out of tune

You can't unmake a cold mistake
You can't undo the hearts you break
You can't erase the poet's fate
Not even if you try

And she had Audry Hepburn's smile
With deeper sadder eyes
The only thing she said
No one hears Cassandra cry
Because the earth is standing still
And the truth becomes a lie
A choice profound is bittersweet
No one hears Cassandra cry

A heartfelt sorrow I believe
Offered this for passion's crime
A crippled satellite trapped in orbit
My memories play out of time

You can't unmake a cold mistake
You can't undo the hearts you break
You can't erase the poet's fate
Not even if you ry...

The listless price of my descension
Where emptiness has pulled me down
Cascading from my divagation
Below the frozen winter skies
Pythonic sadness unreleased
As serpents rigid in cold
Waiting for the warmth of Sunday
Before the cruelty of growing old

Are you listening?
Are you listening?
Are you listening now?
Like Orpheus with hope intangled
Your path was mapped about your feet
Leading backwards into forgiveness
Or forward to a foold retreat

by Crüxshadows

was this song just written for me?

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 17 November :: 4.46 pm
:: Music: none

wow, i havent updated this thing in a while. things have been going okay i guess...the rooney concert was good. cute guys in a band is always a plus. the lead singer of the opening band damone was hottt with three t' s. id rape her (joke ha ha)
uhh so anyway, because me and sam broke up i dont have a date to cotillion isnt that surprising?

beth kept ranting about how perfect i was today. shes like your skinny, pretty, smart blah blah blah...all i could do was laugh. i find it funny im no where near perfect gtg

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 19 October :: 12.44 am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: nadda

"knowing me ill fall for some asshole with an earring"
me and sam broke up on tuesday. things just were'nt working out.

ive been having some very wild weekends. hehe right margaret? lmao

margaret wants me to go out with nate...hmmmm its deff. too early

rooney concert tonight. hope its fun


Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 28 September :: 6.55 am
:: Mood: complacent

sniffle sniffle tear tear
my computer is dead my life is over

:( you can e-mail me if you need to contact me

well there ya be :-/

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 22 September :: 6.30 am
:: Mood: accomplished

Im at school right noww
Just to let you all know...

recentlly my computer has had a heart attack so its kind of NOT WORKING right now...

im saving up for a new one, donations are always welcome ;)

jaimie says hi to everyone read who reads this

umm thats all for now, i have to go before i get in trouble by the library person thing a ma jig

love always
~Cassie Lou

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 14 September :: 2.31 am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: matchbook romance-the greatest fall of all time

waaahhh hoooo
i got my dress for catillion today
so what if catillion isnt until decemberish

its "elegant" ;)

whaaa i cant wait until i can actually wear it

<33 cassie*lou

1 Artist | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 13 September :: 11.49 am
:: Mood: ehhh...
:: Music: trapt- headstrong

if you could only see
yesterday was 6 months
i love you sam <33

i slept over at angelas house last night...sam was with will so i didnt bother wanting to do something with him
we watched reba and rented sid and nancy
it sucked nancy was sooo annoying

we went to the mall today

john, laura, angela, kylie, mike, and me that is
i met the lead singer of anorexioc beauty queen, hes pretty cool, and he has cool hair
i bought some dots and ate them

um we really didnt do anything but we went to angelas house and just hung out there for a was ok

i htink im gonna stop updating soon because i have a journal that i actually write in now and its kinda pointless to write in both....

i miss sam so much i havent hung out with him in forever
let alone kissed him :(

im going to bed now

nite <33


3 Artists | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 10 September :: 9.36 am
:: Mood: i have to pee again
:: Music: piano from dads office

i belive in yesterday
i heart brandNew: happy [be-lated] birthday to you, happy [be-lated] birthday to you, happy [be-lated] birthday dear cassie, happy [be-lated] birthday to you!:-)

*Cassie Lou* <--hope i spelled that right..
hey darlin! just wanted to leave you a message, sorry i couldn't relate the message to you yesterday on your actual know how computers are..retarded.:-(but i love you and hope you had a great one! xxoo <33
with love,

Rejectwlkngalone: hi cassie i love you
Rejectwlkngalone: its just i was having like this big i hate everyone week to a month and like i am ok now and i want to say sry for like not talking to you and not saying happy birthday on your birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Rejectwlkngalone: and sry

i had an OK day i guess....
some stuff happend that really upset me/pissed me off/ hurt me/ made me sad

so i had an OK day

me and dad were having fun picking songs to burn to cds for floor stuff hah

im out
<33 cassie*lou

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 9 September :: 8.25 am
:: Mood: full
:: Music: ignored IM's

iminyourbed**: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

GhstRcn**: happy birthday

BIGPAPAsmurf****: happy birthday

Dagster***: Happy Birthday

LilRocker*****: Happy birfday!

RosaBella***: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

myleg itchesa***: BIRTHDAY
myleg itchesa***: HAPPY!

surfrgrl***: :-*MUAH! happy birthday hun

Lucido***: happy b day cassie!

prEtty 1n p1nk06: you know what today is?
murphy****: your birthday...happy birthday cassie

FaBuLoUsGiNa**: its cassie's birthday! happy fucking birthday cassie!

**i am missing some beacuse my computer crashed..**

thanks guys :) i had a good day
(minus the doctor visit)

dave thanks for the cds your the best dude

i went to friendlys for ice cream and oinion rings and the lady their announced my birthday to the whole restaurant and everyone sang to me
i turned sooo red
when i was leaving three little girls said "bye birthday girl!"
and i laughed and waved
arent i loved? lol

my mom came in at 6:30 this morning and sang happy birthday to me
that was not cool

all for now :)
<33 cassie*lou

2 Artists | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 9 September :: 12.01 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: the promise ring


<33 cassie*lou

Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 8 September :: 7.32 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: none

ill keep this as, a constant reminder
i am bleeding
things arent getting better
my friends hate me
life cant get worse
i cant trust anyone
i just want to be locked up forever
in a cell where i cant have human contact
and be there
and do nothing
but cry
for years
and years
and years
and years
and you get the picture
things arent getting better

no more people promise me they will
because they are just getting worse
and worse
and worse
and worse

<33 cass

im sorry matt i cant promise you that
i have no control over it
i cant help it
i have the urge to do it

an early happy birthday:

un1qu3s0ul: Well, even tho i Do not like you very much..I am still a nice person and I will say this. Happy Birthday you sexy sexy whore you.

2 Artists | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 7 September :: 8.28 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: ultimite fakebrook

my skies are blue every day
From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating...hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me......what can I do?- I will do anything you ask....if you are suffering as much as I am, PLEASE, tell me!
-- Hayden Christensen, Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones

funny, i was just reading a girls journal and saw that quote, and it reminded me of sam, then again everything these days does
but its exactlly how i feel and its driving me insane

well i guess i got my first hate note if you will...i have an idea of who it was from...haha it makes me laugh when i read those cuz people have nothing better to do then that

i didnt really do nething today, a bit of homework, talked to cole on the phone
talked to my touter and she helped me with some stuff for math...
then i went to aunt sharon and uncle charlies house and ate their food and tlaked to them a bit...
i love picking on my uncle charlie haha

all for now
<33 cassie*lou

when im with you im OK

1 Artist | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 7 September :: 12.42 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: train- calling all angels? i think thats what it is

and every night we couldnt sleep
last night i couldnt sleep, i tossed and turned and thought and cried and tried not that tierd right now tho...
oh well

i still have french homework to do...i dont think its that hard but i have to find out what im supposed to do haha

i talked to angela and i guess she tried calling me last night to go to the mall but i wasnt home...oh well

i wanna see the movie party animal but it doesnt show like anywhere near where i live because its selected veiwing or something
i hope it comes here soon it looked really really really good...

had church today, got paint on my favorite pants :( oh well i hope it comes out...

umm i have nothing better to write about so note me

<33 cassie*lou

ps. things arent going well with sam at all


Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 6 September :: 7.14 am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: chick magnet

best friends means i pulled the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve
well last night was another lonely night home alone like a loser....figures
i should have gone to the dance cuz aprille nicki and becca got in a fight...ughhh i wish i didnt miss that

didnt see sam at all this weekend and i doubt im gonna....

i watched alot of tv last night
and i balled my eyes out to my mom for 45 minutes for nothing...shes gonna get me a doctors appoint me so i can figure out whats wrong with me or something
:-/ that makes me feel abnormal

me and nicki went to the harvest fest today and took a 3 mile walk...we were dying my the time we got back
we had a ton of stuff to eat too

then we went to the irish fest and looked around hahahaha

nicki- shit in a dish lmao

umm i dont think im gonna do nthing tonight but clean my room so yea....

note me?

<33 cassie*lou


1 Artist | Draw Me A Heart <33

:: 2003 5 September :: 6.52 am
:: Mood: hurtinggg
:: Music: none

smile for an empty soul?
today i had school and all the seniors and juniors were wasnt that bad actually i got to my locker fine and stuff....

all my classes were good....i loveee my english class the teacher seems really cool :)

i got my lunch changed and its lunch 3 with all the freshman and junk so i eat with caity and heidi and sam and stuff...its all good

practice today was actually not that bad...there was lots of guys there for the special events meet and it was cool...

there was this one kid...who had the most beautiful smile i have ever seen...i like wanted to melt AND HE SAID HI TO ME i thought i was gonna like fall over or something ahhh it was soo perfect and pretty i wanted it haha

my legs are gonna fall of if i move ne more...we did pancakes and stuff and i got pushed to far and my legs are gonna die
im in so much pain i was crying on the way home...

everyones at the game right im a loser stuck at home on a friday night with nothing else to do :-/

im like never gonna see sam ever cuz i am always busy and then when i actually have time hes busy or with kylie or something

ughhh im gonna go drown myself in the shower now ttfn

<33 cassie*lou


Draw Me A Heart <33 | Random Journal