::
2007 20 March :: 2.22 pm
"If I had unlimited rescources I would move to Hawaii and divide my time between reading star wars books on the beach and playing video games in my underwater castle."
- Gabe
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 16 March :: 1.37 pm
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
* Rule #1: Pillage, then burn.
* Rule #6: If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
* Rule #8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
* Rule #9: Never turn your back on an enemy.
* Rule #12: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
* Rule #13: Do unto others.
* Rule #16: Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.
* Rule #27: Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
* Rule #29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, no more, no less.
* Rule #30: A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
* Rule #31: Only cheaters prosper.
* Rule #34: If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
* Rule #35: That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
* Rule #36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.
* Rule #37: There is no "overkill". There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload".
6 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 11 March :: 9.55 pm
Sung to the tune of "I'm just a bill"
Say, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?
I'm not garbage.
I'm an amendment to be.
Yes, an amendment to be.
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me.
There's a lot of flag burners
Who have got too much freedom.
I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em.
'Cause there's limits to our liberties.
'Least I hope and pray that there are.
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.
But why can't we just make a law against flag burning?
Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the Constitution...
Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Now you're catching on.
But what if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?
Then I'll crush all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay.
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 8 March :: 9.01 pm
:: Music: Sublime - Date Rape
A long narrative about my pointless day
So yeah, today was fun.
I had to be at the recruiting station at 1, and then I sat around and waited for someone to tell me anything about anything for about 25 minutes, then a nice lady sergeant took me to the 28th street station. After sitting around there for about 20 minutes, they took me and this 23 year old dude to Lansing for the ASVAB.
The whole trip to lansing, the sergeant definitely sped, a fucking lot. Like closer to 90 than 80. Coming off the highway, we had a greenlight through an intersection and fucking wrecked this stupid black lady who ran a red. We t-boned her at like 50. Anyway, everyone was ok, and it's only notable because it delayed us another 30ish minutes and I cut my hand.
So yeah, I took the ASVAB and kicked fucking ass. Like hardcore.
Also, I spent 7 and a half hours doing it.
5 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 1 March :: 10.31 am
And all I need to know is that I'm something you'll be missing.
7 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 18 February :: 10.27 pm
:: Music: Bitches ain't shit - Ben Folds Five
You made me think of you like this.
Bitches ain't shit
Bitches ain't shit
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on deez nutz and suck the dick
lets get the fuck out after you're done
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run...
I used to know a bitch named Eric Wright
We used to roll around and fuck the hoes at night
Tight than a mutharfucka with the gangsta beats
And we was ballin' on the muthafuckin' Compton streets
Peep, that shit got deep and it was on
Number 1 song after number 1 song
Long as my muthafuckin' pockets was fat
I didn't give a fuck where the bitch was at
But she was hangin' with a white bitch doin' the shit she do
Suckin' on his dick just to get a buck or 2
And the ends she got didn't mean nothin'
Now she's suing cuz the shit she be doin' ain't shit
Bitches can't hang with the streets, she found herself short
So now she's takin' me to court
It's real conversation for your ass
I once had a bitch named Mandy May
Used to be up in them guts like everyday
The pussy was the bomb, had a nigga on sprung
I was in love like a muthafucka lickin' the protung
The homies used to tell me that she wasn't no good
But I'm the maniac in black, Mr. Snoop Eastwood
So I figure niggaz wouldn't trip with mine
Guess what? Got gaffled by one time
I'm back to the muthafuckin' county jail
6 months on my chest, now it's time to bail
I get's released on a hot sunny day
My nigga D.O.C. and my homey Dr Dre
Scooped in a coupe, Snoop we got news
Your girl was trickin' while you was draped in your county blues
I ain't been out a second
And already gotta do some muthafuckin chin checkin
Move up the block as we groove down the block
See my girl's house, Dre, pass the glock
Kick in the do', I look on the flo'
It's my little cousin Daz and he's fuckin' my hoe, yo
I uncocked my shit...I'm heart-broke but I'm still loc'ed
Man, fuck that bitch!
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on deez nutz and suck the dick
Get's the fuck out after you're done
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run...
I used to know a bitch named Eric Wright
We used to roll around and fuck the hoes at night
Tighter than a mutharfucka with the gangsta beats
And we was ballin' on the muthafuckin' Compton streets
Peep, the shit got deep and it was on
Number one song after number one song
Long as my muthafuckin' pockets was fat
I didn't give a fuck where the bitch was at
But she was hangin' with a white bitch doin' the shit she do
Suckin' on his dick just to get a buck or two
And the ends she got didn't mean nothin'
Now she's suing cuz the shit she be doin' ain't shit
Bitches can't hang with the streets, she found herself short
So now she's takin' me to court
It's real conversation for your ass
Bitches can't hang with the streets
Bitches can't hang with the streets
Bitches can't hang with the streets
Bitches can't hang with the streets
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 12 February :: 10.48 am
I'm starting the think the whole virgin good/not virgin bad thing isn't just outdated: in normal circumstances, it's actively wrong. Experience that doesn't actually harm you is almost invariably beneficial. "Waiting" for an experience is just asking for trouble. If you want to wait to "keep" an experience "special," that's your prerogative, but don't pretend it's a virtue. It's (1) the joy of delayed gratification, which is nice but morally neutral, (2) fear, or (3) outdated.
"Perfect" and "virgin" are virtues for cars, trees...you know. Things without minds. Demanding perfection in a human being is unhealthy and wrong.
2 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 9 February :: 9.32 pm
Everything is going great.
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 31 January :: 10.47 pm
Two Things
If I knew
how to unbreak hearts,
I would be
a heart surgeon
and make MAD bank.
--
Love
(or a facsimile thereof)
makes fools of us all.
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 25 January :: 5.58 pm
Keep in mind that this is only one man's opinion.
You are a stupid ugly cunt and you deserve every bad thing that has ever happened to you.
I hope your mom gets cancer and you get hit by a bus.
Love, laughs, and lollipops,
Mitch
P.S.
Call me.
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 24 January :: 9.41 am
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday
"Hey, I know, I'll tell him not to talk to me in any way, then when he's following the rules, staying away and all that, I'll leave bitchy anonymous messages on his woohu."
You'll never understand that I treated you exactly as you wanted me to.
And it turns out, I treated you better than you deserve.
2 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 21 January :: 2.59 am
Heaven is sleeping in until 4 with the woman you love.
2 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 13 January :: 2.59 pm
My computer displays less frames per second than a photograph of a turtle frozen in a glacier.
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2007 6 January :: 4.08 pm
So I enjoy music. A lot.
Also, Richard P. Feynman.
But not work.
I also enjoy you, quite a bit.
You can't fuck with the trilogy.
Jim Bowman is tiny.
I'm a gangsta, but ya'll knew that.
Liking War and Peace sucks, becuase you can't mention it without seeming like a prick.
Seriously, Snoop Dogg is pretty fucking badass.
Who wants to fight me?
2 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 29 December :: 1.50 am
:: Music: Benny and The Jets - Beastie Boys
You don't get in enough car accidents.
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 24 December :: 8.48 pm
:: Music: Alkaline Trio
Another Exciting Edition of Name THAT Tune!
I'd kill for you and eat the flesh.
Give you the heart and burn the rest.
--
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 18 December :: 11.18 pm
This should explain everything.
So I have an exam on wednesday.
I kind of wish I could just take a dose of Hibernol and sleep through the next 80 something years.
Fuck you, I like sleeping.
--
Life will never be the same.
--
You know, The Killers are better when you can identify with the song, but that makes them even less fun to listen to.
--
Now for another exciting segment of name that tune!
I'll make my own world somehow
Where I control who stays
You won't leave because you
Won't know how to run away
I'll make you care that I am
Running here without you
I'll make you care
I'll make you care
And the truth is
It's pointless
You don't care
But the truth is
It's pointless
You don't care
--
I don't think I'm smart enough to use SongRev. I can't figure out how to designate songs as my favorites. Also, I can't find "Like A Virgin," even though I searched for it as both a title and a lyric.
Yes, I also lookied under "Artist: Madonna"
Also, why can't I search from any page? That would be handy.
I realize Songrev isn't a priority, it's just my lyric research vehicle of choice.
--
Seriously, this entire thing sucks.
I'm falling back into the safety of routine.
Which is a good song.
---
I thought about making this friends only, but then I decided that it didn't actually matter.
--
I have made many poor choices.
I wish I had spent more time trying to learn how to whistle.
--
Hah! The search "button" on lyrics.com is not actually a button. You can't click it.
--
Today being the worst day since yesterday actually means that today was better than yesterday. If you have a lifetimes of worst days since yesterday, you're going up all the time. If only all of us should be so lucky.
--
If someone makes a comment about this being emo, I just might stab them in the throat.
--
Kevin still owes me $6. I feel very strongly about this.
--
I always thought it would be one of the greatest things ever to go back in time knowing what one knows now. I don't think it would help that much, because we are the product of our environment, and because we would know what we know, we would already be affected by the bad things that had happened to us from the first try. For example, I trace back many of my bad feeling and habits regarding relationships back to Michelle, the last girlfriend I didn't even want to cheat on. In her defense, I was pretty fucked up when she met me.
I'm not trying to blame anything on her, it's just that I view her betrayal as a landmark of my life. That was when I realized that no one cares as much as you think. And if you think you know how little someone cares about you, they actually care less.
How can anyone stay cheerful in the face of that?
--
I talk a lot smarter in my head. I routinely have to censor myself so I don't sound like an arrogant douchebag.
It would really be easier for me if you all just got smarter.
--
The one thing I can't stand about you is how you constantly spell things wrong.
And that you used my drunken mistake to break up with me so you could date a guy you developed feelings for when I asked you to cheer him up.
--
For fucks sake, I took you two on your first date. It was fucking expensive too.
Jesus christ I'm dumb.
--
And to think, if Stacy had stayed online, this would probably have gone no further than her.
--
I think that if you have the thought "What the fuck is going on with my life right now?" more than twice a day, something has gone horribly wrong.
--
Here's an interesting thought experiment for all you ones of people that are actually reading this tripe.
You see a train coming down the tracks towards six railroad workers who are facing the other direction. If you do nothing, they are all killed. Your other option is diverting the train down another track by throwing a switch, but on the other track, there's a different man who would be killed. Would you do it? Would you throw the switch, knowing it would kill a man, to save six other men? Or would you do nothing?
Do you have an answer? Think it over before you decide.
Now, imagine you are on a bridge with another man, watching the same situation unfold below you. You have no lever, but if you pushed the man standing next to you off the bridge, killing him, he would hit the ground, alert the workers, and make them turn around, so they could all live. Would you push a man off a bridge to save the life of 6 men? Or would you do nothing?
Are your answers different for the different situations? Why? The math is the same. One dead so six can live.
Don't worry if they are different though. About 90% of people say that yes, they throw a switch to kill a man and to save six others in the first situation, where 90% of people say that they wouldn't push a man off a bridge to save the life of six other men.
Scientists say this may point to an illogical evolutionary throwback which makes it very difficult for most people to actively kill someone else.
--
I was on the Freebeer and Hotwings show at 7:50 this morning. Check the podcast if you didn't hear it. I talked about "checking the oil," the infamous move taught by Coach Beany.
--
Thomas Edison invented the circle jerk.
Also, Benjamin Franklin once fucked a turtle. A big one.
--
I can't be the only one that feels this way.
10 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 17 December :: 6.15 pm
Ok, so my car is broke. It leaks engine coolant like a goddamn sieve.
Not a big deal, I mean, it can be fixed, and will be soon.
But I want to leave, tonight.
Apparently I can't be trusted to drive one of our 3 other working vehicles.
What the fuck?
There are only two things that can make me feel good at the moment, and I can't get a hold of either of them.
4 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 16 December :: 1.39 pm
A very large part of me wishes you would just get hit by a bus.
1 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 15 December :: 9.49 pm
I've been in kind of a funk for the last couple of weeks.
I've decided it's because I haven't watched Braveheart in more than a year.
Where is my DVD?
Who the hell is Sophia Hyder?
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 15 December :: 9.38 pm
I can't be the only guy to want to cosplay as the Burger King.
4 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 13 December :: 12.07 pm
Straight from the mouth of Andrew Jackson:
"Look Chief Crybaby, you and your papooses will take the swamp land, and you'll like it!"
12 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 6 December :: 4.19 pm
ChaCHA!
Chacha is a website where you get your own guide to search the internet for you. It's wonderful, check it out.
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: MelissaJ
MelissaJ: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi, I'm looking for the quickest way to get cancer.
MelissaJ: Sure one moment.
You: I've tried smoking, can you find anything faster?
Melissa gives me the link to a lung cancer website.
MelissaJ: Everything it says not to do, go ahead and do it.
You: alright.
MelissaJ: Hmm one more moment.
You: I heard badly burned meat has cancer causing carcinogens in it, could you verify that for me?
MelissaJ: I'll check.
You: cause I've been eating a lot of burnt steaks, but I'm afraid of heart disease.
MelissaJ: Yes it may get you before the cancer.
You: yeah, and that wouldn't be good at all.
You: I was really hoping I could get pancreatic cancer though, could you get me any info on that?
You: or possibly of the gullbladder.
MelissaJ gives me the link to a Pancreatic cancer website.
You: You're wonderful.
You: Thanks for all the cancer causing tips. You really made my day.
MelissaJ: I'm looking for the fastest spreading
You: Ok
MelissaJ gives me the link to a website on skin cancer.
You: Ok, so smoking and ultraviolet light. Anything else?
MelissaJ: I would say sit in the sun and smoke.
You: I was thinking grow lamps.
You: Not a lot of sun up here this time of year.
MelissaJ: Yes with the weather being cold
You: Ok, for pancreatic cancer, it says that diabetes would increase my chances. Do you know how I could become diabetic?
MelissaJ: Eat tons of sugar, it May help.
You: ok
MelissaJ: But genetics are a big part of it.
You: Yeah, some people get all the luck.
MelissaJ: Is there anything else?
You: No, I think that about covers it.
You: unless you can recommend a brand for me to smoke.
You: maybe a brand with a lot of tar.
MelissaJ: Have a good day. yes Luckys or pall mall
MelissaJ: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
4 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 4 December :: 10.23 am
That's pretty BA
6 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 26 November :: 6.22 pm
Let's summarize the activities of this friday with this conversation:
Mitch: "Hey Will"
Will: "What?"
Mitch: "SLUTS!"
Will: "SLUTS!"
2 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 23 November :: 8.31 pm
*Edit* I fixed the quiz.
Create your own friendquiz here
When you're done with it, comment on it, fuckers.
5 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 21 November :: 3.54 pm
:: Music: Mike O'Connell - RoBOT!
More good news
So this Miranda girl is in my math class, and she's pretty cute, pretty cool, has a few piercings, you know, the whole she-bang.
So I'm walking to the parking garage with her, and we get to talking, and we decide to go and have some coffee. It was a mexican blend, I think, as there was someone named Sonny involved in the production of this coffee.
Anyway, she has this coffee mug with a rainbow design, so I asked her how she felt about the womenfolk, and it turns out she loves em.
And only them.
Fucking lesbians in my college. Why can't you experiment some other time?
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 20 November :: 9.09 am
I'm pretty sure that exactly what I think is happening is happening.
I wish I was a robot.
Cause no one fucks with a robot.
3 people think I'm right |
Go ahead, agree with me! |
::
2006 15 November :: 12.40 pm
It gets complicated.
I have faith.
Go ahead, agree with me! |
|
