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The Heart Beat Of A Lost Fox

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:: 2005 10 September :: 3.27 pm

7 months and counting....till whatever? 2 months till we have fall again. and 3 seconds until i forget your name...opps to late you fuck off. gah i miss november

3 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 9 September :: 6.12 am
:: Music: Motion City SOundtrack - Everything Is Alright.

Ok so its a go bonfire at my house at 9:30 tonight ok you guys? and girls.
everyone who dosent hate matt whetzel is invited. if anyone brings alcholol then they should warn me cause at this point i dont think there will be any. but i dont care if its here or not i would like to just see everyone whose still left behind that college didnt steal from me. anyway so i cant wait to see you all here tonight *hugs all* and stacy i may or may not come to your fire on saturday i have to work untill 11pm on saturday so if im not dead afterward and your party is still on after 11pm then i will swing by smelling of grease. *hugs to stacy*

EDIT - i just watched the most amazing film called. my life after me. and this lady is like 26 and she is dying but she hasnt and wont tell anyone not her husband her two daugthers or her mother. no one and then when she realizes shes almost out of days she leaves the house for a while and goes to a dark feild in her truck and she takes a tape recorder and records birthday messages for her girls, one for each and every birthday. everytime revealing more and more about who she was in life and who she hopes her girls will become with the guidence she gave them in life and the thought of her after death....it was beautiful.

2 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 5 September :: 5.37 pm

Life In General Update.
just got out of work and i cant breath but thats ok any way. i start college tommrow its my first day YAZOR!!! anyway im scared shitless i dont know which matt to bring to class....im thinking i should be the introverted matt and just sit and learn and fuck social interaction till later in the year. but then i think taht thingswould be more bareable and fun if i just went in all friendly like and communicated with people and then focused and was quiet during lecture times....whatever ill figure it out i guess. and well im about to get all dressed up and go to walmart for an app. (tight jeans and a black sweater, not suit and tie.) so fucking wish my ass luck please cause i need this new job liz said cashiers make great fucking pay and with her AND her mom as references im almost sure ill get an interview. so you guys fucking wish me luck and ...i suddenly feel the need to throw up this is fucking weird...o god i feel horrible...ok its gone now...what the fuck was that all about ...hmm? anyway blah blah blah . yoko is still cute and shes starting to get really really big im glad i bought her the new cage. i think id like to get her a new one with some big ass ferret sized running tubes and like string the tubes up ALL over the fucking room like outline the room in rat tunnels ...lol that would be so stupid looking but you know she would have a fucking ball. lol well cocoa is still the cutest thing on earth. dads dating shasa warners mom and it keeps him out of the house. i dont know who shasa warner is but she sounds really familar. guess she is a senior this year so stacy you might know her, and stacy please count me in for the dresden dolls concert cause um i would kill you if you forgot me in those plans.you all acting like i dont like them and shit WHATEVER BITCH and your bunnie is cute.....o well im off to walmart...my stomach is sick.

7 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 3 September :: 5.22 pm

work....i own that company now....and its akward. i havent gone into work on time in 3 weeks and i just didnt go into work at all for like 2 days this week....and im not fired. im not even written up. i go into today to turn in my two weeks notice cause id rather quit than get fired (by the way i havent been going in cause i dont respect that company and if they really cared about me not coming in id be fired by now) anyway so yeah tammy says "we cant afford to lose anyone. we wont fire you matt...." so im stuck with the thought. 'wow they wont fire me...is this a ticket to do as i please or is this the lucky strike that i got to teach me that i need to start going in on time and such?' well i still need a higher paying job next time i get a day off ill go search for one and it will be super mucho fun....stupid gas prices. well chao bitches.

5 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 31 August :: 7.12 pm

guess who just reserved a copy of kingdom hearts 2 ...this guy right here. yeah im a fucking nerd but i loved the first one to death and the second cant let me down for a measly 50 dollar price tag....

9 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 31 August :: 3.29 am
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Darkness

Ok so the new death cab for cutie cd FUCKING ROCKS MY GOD DAMN SOCKS. i hung out with liz tonight...every time we hang out i feel like charlie and his tunnel. so fucking infinte. its a wonder why we didnt discover a friendship in highschool....i guess its a good thing though. cause alot of highschool friendships have no problem dieing out after class stops meeting. I LOVE YOU LIZ!!! god damn we have so much fun together. even though all we did tonight was chill around her campus. beautiful night for walking and smoking. it sucked that i had to leave it all and go back to hell....some day i wont have to leave anymore. someday itll just be down the road. ill find a purgatory instead of a hell...that will be nice. so yeah PLANS the death cab album fucking rocks. and liz fucking rocks. "I can do it, just not when someone is trying to stick it in my mouth while im walking" - Liz Artecki.

1 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 30 August :: 2.27 am


1 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 29 August :: 11.02 pm

text books =189$
parking fee for 25 days = 50$
Gas for a full week of class = 60$ ( not including travel to and from work or for pleasure)

1 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 27 August :: 3.53 pm
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Stryofoam Plates

Death Cab For Cutie New Alubm - PLANS
Guess Whose New Album Comes Out On The 30th? THATS FUCKING RIGHT DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god damn im so fucking excited. im going to be first in fucking line to get that god damn cd. 12 tracks of pure inebreation on a cd. I LOVE YOU DCFC!!!! (by the way the album is called PLANS)

Alien Ant Farm has just realeased tour dates for north america. They are coming to detroit. thats as close as they are coming to us.Death Cab For Cutie has annouced SOME tour dates but none close to michigan yet. Bright Eyes....conor we are still waiting for you to annouce something mister sticky pants. well my music love and rambling is over for today. GO BUY THE NEW DCFC ALBUM YOU FUCKS!!!

6 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 26 August :: 10.53 pm


Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 24 August :: 5.32 am

so im at steak and shake. i pick up the ketchup bottle and shake it around a little to get that nasty liqued that settles at the top to you know...not be there and get all over my fries right? so im shaking it and the top flies off and my face is coverd in ketchup my neck my sweater my face the table the floor.... i bend my head and the laughter insues. thats all. funny as fuck.

3 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 21 August :: 8.14 pm

wow. this is wonderful. thinking about how i was going to start doing all these great changes so that the next year of my life wouldnt be hell. so much for that. dad says i cant paint the walls black because "i just dont want my walls to be black" thats what he says. "ill paint them pitch white the day i leave this house" "fuck no my walls arent being black" "fine if there your walls then you fucking clean up whats in them and stop pestering me all the time." "you live in this house. i still fucking own you as long as you live here" "you dont fucking own me i can leave whenever the fuck i want" "as long as your in this house you will obey my curfews and my rules" "fuck you, im 18 i deserve the respect of an adult. ill do what i please when i please under my own rules. ill keep to my fucking self when im in your god damn house and please fucking kick me out" "i cant kick you out and youll listen to me or you wont ever leave this house again" *SILENCE* "I'm not your little slave anymore. im not your medal to show off to friends. you dont fucking own me anymore" "ungreatfull little fucker" "what have i to be greatfull for?" "a house a dad that loves you food and that i let your fucking cats live here" "a home i cant stand being in. a father who makes me feel like shit every time i see his face and my stomach is sick everytime just being in your presense. and im supposed to be greatful for that?" "whats so wrong with me that you cant stand me...wait did you just say i make you sick? what the fuck is wrong with you matthew wayne. what in gods name is fucking wrong with you. you are one fucked up kid you little fucking asshole" "dont use that bullshit about your god with me it wont make me listen any more than i hardly do now. and id would be a shorter list to tell you whats good about you" "dont start in on your stupid fucking athesist bullshit, you dont beilive in god because its the cool thing to do nowadays" "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DAD?!?!?!?!" "your such an ungreatfull little bastard. youll be lucky if you amount at all" "at least i fucking graduated highschool and am enrolled in collge" "i didnt graduate highschool cause my grandma needed me" "she didnt need you to be a fucking tart" "she needed my income" "stop using her as an excuse and fess" "why do you think your better than everyone in this house you little prick?" "because i have a fucking heart" *SILENCE*"your not painting my fucking walls." (takes off outside and leaves)...see. i deal with this every single day. bullshit after bullshit. after useless un-motivated fight. this is what i truly hate. its not really this town i guess. its just whats in it. dad. low paying jobs arent even the half of my worrys. its him. i cant even remodel my room? he dosent ever have to look at it he can shut the door so whats the fucking problem? im not smashing any walls nothing will be harmed. (my door is shut all the time anyway) i dont understand why he says the things he says you know? i just dont fucking understand. god damn hes weird. o well new job soon. saving up for school and getting an apartment by the middle of winter end of school year for sure. life is bitter. and thats all it will be. just bitter taste after paper cut on the tounge after bitter taste.

4 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 20 August :: 9.19 pm

why do you care? and for your fucking info its not true. but if it was its not your fucking life. and as far as i knew. you hated me you useless piece of fucking shit. go die in a well where no one will here your pathetic attempts to scream for help...cold and alone is how you deserve death.

Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 20 August :: 3.52 am
:: Music: Remy Zero - Fair

so im fine now right?
im staying.
ill earn my freedom.
ill work harder for things.
ill live silently in my own home.
ill no longer be single.
ill find heart ache.
ill get good grades.
ill get lead roles.
ill have an audience full of friends at every show.
ill get out of this depression without medicine.
ill grow strong from my scars.
ill hug everyone tighter then i ever have before.
ill remodel my room.
ill grow up.

3 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 19 August :: 3.35 am

I can't go to detroit. im sorry if you think im a pussy shit faced liar...but i dont really care what you think. i cant do it. it wouldnt feel right. i have to earn my way out of this hell. i have to work hard and earn my freedom. i cant just take it. i need to earn it. so ill work harder. get a better job. save money. and earn my way to freedom. to an apartment in grand rapids. and then from there ill earn my way into a bussiness. and then from there....ill be happy. but i was wrong to think i could just go out and take my freedom. that was selfish and complete rage. who cares if theres a large amount of PERFECT waiting there. its not my perfect. its not my home. grand rapids is really my home. i went there tonight and just sat in the park and the wind was soothing...really cold wind...and it made me feel so thoughtful and i thought. "i cant leave what i have here...look at all the people who really care about me. i cant leave them all when i know freedom dosent have to be thousands of miles away. i can make my own life right here where the lights are bright and the noise never stops. my real freedom is just being away from my dad. but im going to be an adult while im here. next time he gets on my ass about something ill say ' dad im 18, its your choice to let me live here and you can kick me out if you please to. but until then. you leave me alone. i come here to sleep...thats it. you leave me out of your life. we can live seperate in this house. i dont need a father anymore.' " what am i? who the fuck am i? ive got 80 years left to figure that out. but within 2 ill have freedom...2 more years isnt that bad. and i could never leave your whores...im staying. no matter what. i cant up and leave my dreams. i MUST earn my life. EARN it.

4 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

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