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:: 2006 3 February :: 3.26 pm
:: Music: The 69 Eyes -- Brandon Lee

The Roof, the Roof, the Roof was on Fire
It was Friday morning, January 20. I awoke to the intro of "Wings of a Butterfly" by HIM: my ringtone. It was my sister asking me how the fire was. "What fire?" I asked her. Apparently a 'little' fire broke out at the house while I was staying with Jonathan, and my sister thought I was home. I don't recall what happened next, just that I was out the door and on my way to the fire. I called my dad and asked what was going on and I just remember him saying, "Don't even think about your things, it's all gone." It's all gone..? I told him I was on my way and hung up the phone. I then proceeded to call Jonathan who I left stunned and confused back at his house. I immediately broke out in tears and told him everything was gone.. my things, all gone. Five minutes later, with Jonathan still on the other end, I get onto the overpass by my house and could see black smoke coming from that direction. But what scared me more was the flames I saw on top of the roof. I pulled up my road and parked several houses down; the street was packed with cars on both sides -- many waiting to drive past the four firetrucks to get to their homes. I saw one guy sit in his truck for over an hour.

I quickly thought to take a picture on my phone, which I would later send to our insurance representative, who'd asked for pictures. I saw my father and he again told me not to bother with anything inside the house, that it was futile. To console me, he said everything in the house is insured and that we can get my computers. I reminded him that at least $2000 of the insured budget would go into my computers and networking. He smiled and told me everyone was staying at our neighbor's house across the street -- the one who called 911. I rushed over and knocked on the door, trying hard not to show signs of emotional weakness or hopelessness. The lady answered the door and welcomed me inside, quite possibly in the kindest way imaginable to me. I saw my mother sitting on the floor crying and I went down to hug her, trying even harder to supress tears. My two sisters were there, along with my neice and two paramedics checking for smoke inhalation. Everyone was in good health except for Cynthia, who was in the house with Hazel, my neice, when the fire started. Cyndy had high blood pressure but refused to go to the hospital, probably because of money shortage. My father later told Cyndy that her blood pressure was as high as his when he had his heart attack. Then again, Cyndy used to be a nurse. She knew what it meant.

After the firemen left, and after our neighbors and friends consoled us greatly, we assessed the back of the house which looked pretty awful. The side of the living room was gone, the ceiling had a new sky-light, and there was so much soot and water in the living room it was devastating to look at. Scared to find my belongings ablaze, but needing to know, I carefully head over to my room down the hallway. I open the door and stand in complete amazement. It was untouched. Water was leaking from the light socket in the ceiling, but everything was just as I left it last night. The only problem was the smoke damage.

Down the street from our house is an Inn, so we rent two rooms and begin to fill our cars with our things. I take the two computers, my modem and router, and a lot of my clothes, knowing everything could get ruined if it rained hard enough or people decided to poke around. Cyndy later laughs that we all took the one thing that meant most to us. Cyndy: her baby, Kevin: his video games, Cathy: her work uniforms, and me? My computers.

Within hours of the fire, our insurance company had already written us a check for the weekend. With that we could pay for the Inn rooms and laundry there. I began to set up my computer in one room, removing the cable from the television and hooking it up into my modem. Two cat5 cables later I've got my happiness back as the computer turns on with only minor sounds, which I later found came from a cable rubbing against an inner fan. Easy fix.

Since that night we've moved to two more temporary living facilities (like the hotel I am in now), and in two days we will move to a temporary house that we can hopefully stay at until our house has been rebuilt. Which I hear is looking at four months.

I've been pretty composed through all of this. The day after the fire I worked five days straight. It was hectic but it wasn't impossible to do. On the second day I had thrown up in the morning, and I'm still not sure what caused it. A lady from work mentioned it could have been the stress. Whatever it was, I had to deal with because I couldn't get sent home. Sent to the hotel, rather. Right now I'm dealing with a cold that I just conveniently caught on my day off, yesterday. Tomorrow I will have to work two days in a different work position because our staff is short. More exact, I will be serving food -- with a cold. I've considered calling in tomorrow and Sunday, but again we are working short, and I called in last Saturday to pack my things. I'm sure they will understand, and I would really prefer not to handle food with a sickness. But I just don't know.

Today was the first time I broke down "after the fact". I don't know if it was the whole moving thing, which gets me stressed, or the cold, or the lack of sleep, or the thought of sharing a bed with my mother. Could be a privacy thing. For so long I've felt like I had little to no privacy. (My room door was broken for a few years and wouldn't close.) I'm just stretched a little thin right now, but I got to talk to a good friend today which got me smiling. I got to see Jonathan and talk to him while he was at work also, which I appreciate greatly. I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm finding it a little hard at times. I sigh a lot.

"What would there be as the river of sadness turns into sea
Could there be another thousand stories like you and me

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:: 2005 12 December :: 11.43 am

Hum De Dum..
I don't have much to write about these days, as you may have noticed in my past few entries. I didn't like the four feather pillows I purchased. Gave two to my parents and at first they liked them, now I hear the same complaint I had. Offered to return them and they said it's not worth the hassle. Actually, to me, it is. I returned my first online purchase a few weeks ago and just last night received an email saying they got it.. took a while but at least that defies my mother when she says companies just steal returned items. It won't cost more than $5 to return the pillows and having extra money never hurt.

Well, just called the bank and asked them to hold my card so no more fraudy companies can steal from it. (sigh) There goes $220, fucking shitheads.

Sucks because I've had two cards that connect to the same account, and now when I get a new one I'll probably only have one card. I liked having two though. I'm just glad I have money in my paypal account to still buy prezzies before Christmas. This Thursday is payday so maybe my lazy ass will decide to stop by the bank then, and not before (like I think the bank expected me to do). I'll probably stop by my mom's today anyway, and maybe I'll stop by the bank on the way. Hum.

Was trying to figure out what online accounts I had that connects to my -- now old -- card. I swear I had several but right now I can only think of Blockbuster Online. Paypal too, I suppose. Amazon also, but I don't buy from there.. hum. Whatever.

There are now three computers in this room, for "ultimate gaming". Lately it's been Starcraft. Maybe we'll switch back to Counter-Strike when we all get bored. Hooked up some gaming router of sorts, though we have yet to see a real difference.

Hum hum.. received the prezzie I ordered for Jonathan. (Shh, don't tell him.) It's a clear-orange xbox case. I'm still waiting for my damned LED kit for the xbox, which I ordered nearly two weeks ago.. I'm so used to 5-7 day shipping, this blows.

So off topic, but last night I had a crazy dream. I swear I was awake and Maddie (a little doggy I mentioned before) got into the room and jumped on the bed. Being that the bedding is new I told her to get down, but the words came out so slurred and mumbled it made absolute no sense. I heard noises outside the room that told me someone was up playing Starcraft. The only person who would be that was Kevin, although it was around five or six in the morning and he had school. Maddie eventually jumped down and left the room, and as I went to close the door, the door closed by itself. Must've been Kevin.. I recall thinking there were two skeletal ghosts in the room staring down at me. One was red, one was green. Then I heard a soft, 'meow'. Ok, the cat's also in the room, I thought. And this is where I think I really did wake up. I got out of bed and opened the door and told the cat to leave. No cat left. There was no cat in the room. Then I went back to bed and slept. No mas crazy dreams.

Hum De Dum.

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:: 2005 9 December :: 9.50 pm

Gahh, money just slips away..
I bought the aforementioned duvet cover, and now wanted a comforter for it. So I spent $52 on one which arrived today but I have yet to test it out. I decided I didn't like the feather pillows and will probably purchase a memory foam one for Jonathan and a cotton/polyester one for myself.

Did I already mention I lost $140 on magazines? I hate myself more and more every moment I spend thinking about how stupid I was for that mistake..

I wrapped a few presents today which look beautiful, and will look even better once I put them under their belonged trees. I also got to thinking today that I wanted to re-decorate my mother's living room because it has looked wretched for as long as I can remember. I wanted to buy a new media center/television console, re-paint the walls, add new carpeting, and add new sofas. My estimate for cost comes to around $250, not including the carpeting or sofas.

We shall see.. we shall see.

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:: 2005 27 November :: 5.33 am

What have I been doing lately?
Playing Battlefield 2. That's the account I share with my boyfriend. Our first account was SK.Alliance - very aptly named if I do say so myself. As you can see we have over 300 hours together, not to mention our own separate accounts, since we started playing on the thirtieth of July. And I often wonder where my time goes.. we'll soon have the expansion pack and put countless more hours into that. w00t.

I've done a good amount of Christmas shopping so far, although I recently noticed that for every dollar I spend on family I spend about two on myself. (sigh) I just put $60 into a beatiful duvet cover, $30 into new pillows, and another $30 into new sheets to match the blanket. No, I did not need these, but damnit I have had my eye on the duvet cover, especially, for weeks. (another sigh) I then put another roughly $70 on things for myself (clothing, and girl-things). Well, I suppose it's close in the spending range, as I just realize I've spent about $110 between two family members, and looking to spend another $30-ish pretty soon. Large families suck though. I have five members not counting myself and then my boyfriend has five, and then his brother's girlfriend (whom I do feel minisculed-obligated to buy something for). And I already have, actually.

I transferred $400 out of savings into checking to buy these things, but then my car insurance came up, and then another thing came up, etc, etc. Not to mention I just spent $100+ on my mother's birthday a few weeks ago. Getting a little stressed financially wondering when my job will give me more hours so I can afford to do everything I've been doing lately. At this rate I won't have any money, and then I'll spend another long year saving up for some make-believe futuristic cause. (sighsigh)

I could snatch a few commissions off a brother's friend who has offered to pay me to draw some of his story characters. While that is enticing, the thought of drawing again is a little discouraging. Plus, to draw his characters would subtly imply that I read his story which will take at least an hour or two, and I tell myself that studying for college is all the spare time I can afford right now.

I have it planned out. To finish the guidebook before I have to return it, I will have to read fifty pages a day until December 6th - when it is due. I'll then have to check it out once more from the library and read the second book which I haven't yet touched and frankly don't have time to touch. Then on the eight or ninth I will drive down to the scary building to make sure that is the right place where I take my test, and hopefully by then I'll have my registration packet accepted. Then on the tenth I take my ACT - something I should have done years ago - and see how badly I scored. Once I get my scores, I'll then apply to the nearest college and go from there. It's nerve-wrecking.

I'll probably have to purchase a new car in the near future, as mine is beginning to worry me. And if I have to do that, I'd rather go all out and purchase my dream car, the beautiful Nissan 240SX. Although I don't nearly have the money to do any modding on it. Woe.

Well, it's pretty damn early. I'm going to watch a movie and then wait for my packages to come in the mail. Yippee.

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:: 2005 18 September :: 9.39 pm

Like a Bullet you can Hurt me. Take me. Break me.
So, tomorrow is the International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Talithe says: Are you going to talk like a pirate?
The airforce wants me, Heart and all. says: Possibly
The airforce wants me, Heart and all. says: Actually i think i'll talk like i'm irish
The airforce wants me, Heart and all. says: just to throw everyone off

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:: 2005 10 September :: 2.25 pm

Winged Cricket?
As a child, I used to catch crickets of all sizes just because I could. Now-a-days I don't enjoy it nearly as much as I used to, but that doesn't stop me from still picking them up occasionally. Except.. yesterday I saw the strangest thing. A small brown cricket with WINGS. Tiny WINGS. Maybe I was blind as a child but I never noticed crickets had wings. Could I have forgotten? What's wrong with the world. What's wrong with me?


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:: 2005 25 July :: 10.04 pm

I have been Impressed
I was looking up online tutorials on how to build your own PC and found this amazing keyboard. Additionally, there is also a nifty looking mouse for Mac users.

That is all.

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:: 2005 24 July :: 4.59 pm
:: Music: Within Temptation

All of my memories keep you near, in silent moments imagine you here.
Donate money to NAAJS now! It will improve the well-being of at least one person and you will feel better about yourself for doing so.

I'm looking at eMachine's T6520 right about now. Jonathan bought that a few days ago and it runs surprisingly well for its price. I'd list the specs but it's all on the website in plain view. The bottom line, it hauls ass and saves you money. I'm thinking of buying that for my house -- which is funny because I'm hardly there, but it's good to know I have it I suppose.

That seems like a better idea than upgrading this laptop, although I still intend to anyway. Maybe even sell it and buy a better one.

I want to do a lot of computer modding with the old desktop at home. It barely breathes so it'll be good practice. Thinking of getting a case for it, preferably the cheapest good-looking one from, like the combo set. Although I have had my eye on their Sunbeam Transformer case. I want to practice using cathodes and UV paint. :)

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:: 2005 16 July :: 3.39 am

Never buy anything off an Ex.
A lot of headache-inducing shit has been on my mind since the other night I looked up my computer's specs. I suppose I never bothered to because I trusted the guy who sold me it.. well, pretty much everything he told me was bullshit. I was supposed to have 5-10 hour battery life, so he said, which I don't. I was supposed to have 20-40GB of hard drive, so he said, which I also don't. He claimed I had DDR RAM, well it's actually SD-RAM. I also was said to have 64-128MB of DDR video.. try 8MB of video RAM. A 1.4GHz processor.. nope, 1.1GHz is more correct.

I learned I had shit graphics, crap video, and poor audio. But, I do have an optional expansion RAM module, which I do intend to use. And I do intend to upgrade my hard drive. That's approximately a $175+ task. Not too bad at all. Meh.

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:: 2005 14 July :: 5.04 pm

Sasha was her Name-O
I'm watching Jonathan's mildly retarded puppy and decided to freak it out by playing dog, wolf, and cat audios [found here]. I played cat audios because Jon's cat, Anubis, always beats her up. The cat hissing audios really bothered her the most, not surprisingly. She was looking around for Anubis, too, which I thought was amusing.

Since she has no food Jonathan told me to give her treats while teaching her the basics: sit and stay. I called her 'mildly retarded' because she doesn't grasp concepts. I know she's a puppy but that's the best time to train animals, and now that she's getting treats for doing these commands she only does them now to receive a treat. She won't even listen to commands, she just goes up to you and sits then waits for a treat. It actually annoys me. I keep thinking to myself, "She's no Sasha." Sasha was the smartest dog I ever knew -- ours. We rescued her from a local pound and she was able to learn sit, stay, lay down, crawl, shake/paw, roll over, up (get up on her hind legs), and we were last trying to teach her to bark on command (speak). But the mystery of what happened to her was never figured out. Her only problem was no discipline. I guess we were too busy praising her for how smart she was we couldn't input some discipline. That, and she'd continually break her chains and leashes and bother the neighbor's dog (a fifth her size) and amazingly she'd practice some role-reversal and hump the poor thing. But both dogs didn't seem to mind. Odd. I wish she was still with us, she was the coolest dog. I named her Sasha after an actress on a vampire series out at the time.

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:: 2005 12 July :: 1.12 am

Go Team Venture!
I strongly advise all of you worthless peons to watch this clip. Over, and over.

The Terrible Secret of Turtle Bay

Thank you. Come again.

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:: 2005 10 July :: 7.12 pm

Sims can be so addictive..
I got home today and watched a movie which its title pretty much says it all: Twisted Desire. Sometimes, the movie title can help you out if you wonder, "WHY THE FUCK IS THAT HO-BAG BITCH SEEING THAT GUY?!" Ooooh, it's because she never got over her ex-boyfriend. Ahhh. Gotcha.

Movies like this really piss me off. I personally would kill her for doing something so selfish. Because I'm a selfish killer.

Counter-Strike, Counter-Strike!

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:: 2005 30 June :: 2.41 pm

Love is Priceless
Me: Eek I'm sorry, I accidentally bled on your bathroom floor towel. :(
Jonathan: lol funniest thing I heard all day! Bleed your own blood, babe! Bleed away! :)

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:: 2005 27 June :: 5.14 pm
:: Music: HIM -- Beautiful

A Day Away From Seven Months
Not much going on so I decided to post something. Just waiting for my coming paycheck so I can buy some household items. Jonathan gets off work in two hours so I'm mainly waiting for him, see what he wants to do. Been watching a lot of movies in the past few days.. been kind of slow.

Saturday I went to an indoor football game. Watched the Missouri Minutemen lose against the Wichita Aviators. I had six free tickets and only used two, and had I gone a little bit earlier I would have tried selling the tickets. They're $10 a ticket.

I've been wanting to see Cinderella Man a few days now, and hopefully will see it by the end of this week. I didn't have much interest in the movie, but one of my good friends said he'd like to see the movie. He's a good guy so I said, hell, why not.

Got into The Rasmus the other night. An excellent band if you ever get the chance to hear them. I've noticed that Finland is my favorite country for music, being that my three favorite bands are from there. And then I was introducted to Liveplasma today, which will probably be fun looking more bands up that I've never listened to before.

Ok, that's all.

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:: 2005 18 June :: 4.16 pm

The Thirteenth Day
So I wish I lived in the UK. This link has all the reasons why. You can drink alcoholic beverages if you're 18 and over. Awesome bands (like Epica) play there. Cool accents. Man..

I want to see Epica play the coming July 24th at the Birmingham Academy.. man oh man.

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