You could slit my throat and with my last gasping breath, I'd apologize for getting blood on your shirt


friends | profile | guestbook

Falling Without Wings

recent entries | past entries

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.51 pm

Quotes for David

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."


Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.


Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."

--Erich Fromm

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.

--Dr. Karl Menninger

Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

--St. Augustine

We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.


The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is.

--Tigress Luv

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

--Robert Frost

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.


I would die for you. But I wouldn't and couldn't live for you.

--Ayn Rand

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.


You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.

--Henry Drummond

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.

--Mother Teresa

It isn't enough for your heart to break because everybody's heart is broken now.

--Allen Ginsberg

The worst prison would be a closed heart.

--Pope John Paul II

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.


It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship, that makes unhappy marriages.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly.


There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love's tragedies.

--Oscar Wilde

When I look into his eyes, it seems all the problems in the world go away and I'm floating in mid-air."

When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."
Source Unknown

Being in love is what makes working all week bearable. It makes cruising with your windows rolled down feel like you're riding in a convertible. It makes you dance to the rythm of the copy machine and makes Friday night really feel like THE WEEKEND."
Julie Hintz

"It's not just a physical attraction, I love him for every single thing he is. Every word he says, every step he takes. This is something that will never die. I have tried to stay reasonable with this, but I just can't anymore. I just can't."

"I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

I love you more than any word can say ... I love you more than every action I take ... I'll be right here loving you till the end."

"Happiness is falling asleep next to you and waking up thinking I'm still in my dreams."

"You know you're in love when at those times you're apart, you find yourself gazing at the sky in the direction she lives and feeling some peace in knowing that you live under the same sky."

'When he is the cause of your inspiration, when the world appears under a wonderful new light, when suddenly the meaning of your life is obvious..then you are in love."

"If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it."

"Ishould tell you how I really feel, but I'm afraid of what you might say..."

Cut me

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.50 pm

Bella Morte - One Winter's Night
I think with teary eyes
Of you my love on this dark night
I recall my time with you
In lonely rooms of saddest blue
Love and loss entwine
To never fall into the light
And my feelings true
Shall never rest until I die with you
And hand in hand one life
Moves against the tides of time and fate
And hand in hand one life
Turns its back on those who cannot see
And from this dying world
An echo carried softly on the breeze
Sounds of the Reaper's grace
A silent tear falls to a grim defeat

I watch the candle's light
Dance in time across your face
Your soft pale skin on mine
Lost in your gaze I slip away
Embrace the night my love
For it may be our last
But let not this moment fade and our memory
Shall never know the grave
On a cold winter's night

Shameless to the eyes that peer in
Behind the curtains our silhouettes are grey
And the cattails sway in gentle mist
Beside the mirror's gleam
From a soul that shines like stars
In the heavens from afar
Every word rings true
I'll never rest until I die with you
On a cold winter's night

Cut me

:: 2004 2 April :: 8.57 am
:: Mood: better than yesterday

No subject for today really
Wow. I'm up early for being sick and eating such a healthy breakfast too. Hershey's chocolate with coke and taking my medicine. Damn sore throats. Other than that....YAY SPRING BREAK IS HERE!!!!!! WOOHU!!! Well, I think I'm going to go now. Have a good day.

Cut me

:: 2004 1 April :: 7.32 pm
:: Mood: ok i guess

Stole from Ben....again
[my name is]: Susan
[in the morning i am]: not always awake
[love is]: hurtful sometimes
[i dream about]: a lot of things

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes and personality
[last person you slow danced with]: David

-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: not going to say
[easiest to talk to]: David, Beth, Nikki, Liz, and Ben

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: yep.

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: still talking to beth
[hugged]: David
[you instant messaged]: Liz
[you laughed with]: beth

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer]: not sure
[what's your favorite food?]: too hard to choose
[whats your favorite fruit?]: blueberries and strawberries
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional
[trust others way too easily?]: yeah....i still feel the consequences of this

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken?] : a few times
[of hearts i have broken?] : none
[of boys i have kissed?] : 3
[of girls i have kissed?] : none
[of drugs taken illegally?] : none
[of tight friends?] : a couple
[of cd's that i own?] : ahelluvalot
[of scars on my body?] : a lot
[of things in my past that i regret?] : trusting the wrong Ben your not included with this regret.

[i know]: i want to get better
[i want]: to love and be loved in return... ditto
[i have]: amazing people around me
[i wish]: i had my life back
[i hate]: a few people
[i miss]: my life
[i fear]: clowns and rejection
[i hear]: Beth on the phone
[i search]: for inner peace
[i love]: i don't want to say right now.....this is an area that....well. let's just leave it at this
[i ache]: to have my life back
[i care]: for David
[i always] : try to care for everyone
[i dance]: a lot
[i cry]: when i am sad
[i do not always]: smile
[i write]: with pens or pencils but mostly pencils
[i confuse]: David....a lot
[i can usually be found]: at home, the pool deck at Lakeview High, or at Dance In Motion dance studio
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: the Super Bowl party with David, Matt, Nick, and a couple other guys that are close friends of David and I
[favorite place to be kissed?]: my lips, my back and my neck
[have you ever been caught "doing something"]:no....oh wait yes i have...i bet ben still remembers too
[druggie]: fuck no
[gang member]: yeah right
[daydreamer]: yeah...
[alcoholic]: no
[freak]: no i don't think so
[brat]: nope just stubborn
[goody-goody]: sometimes
[angel]: sometimes
[devil]: oh yes....i am nicknamed Lucifer by Sam. he made me mad one day so i kicked him in the shin to get back at him
[friend]: i hope so
[shy]: around people i don't know well
[talkative]: when im around people i know really well
[adventurous]: somewhat
[intelligent]: that's what i've been told

[impacted you the most spiritually]: ummm....definatley Ben, Nikki, David, and Beth. They all have helped me in many ways spiritually and stuff like that
[wish you saw more often]: Nikki, Cheslsey, and Dennis
[wish you could meet]: wait why would i have to meet my friends?
[most sarcastic]: Beth
[wish you knew better]:
[knows you best]: David, Beth, and Nikki
[best outlook on life]: David, Nikki, and Liz
[most paranoid]: Rachel
[sweetest]: Nikki

-Self- Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature (personality)]:i can usually make people laugh and make people have a really good time even though something started out bad
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: i can be very loud sometimes
[most annoying thing you do]: hmmm. im very critical of myself
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: trying to hold on to a runaway dream....i still do wish that it would come true
[describe your personality in one word]: that's too hard....genuine
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: I'm not sure....probably my eyes or my smile....maybe whoever reads this could give me what they like the most in a comment.
[person you regret sleeping with]: I don't regret sleeping with him....
[a smell that makes you smile]: David or just flowers
[a country you'd like to visit]: Hungary, India, and Australia
[a drink you order most often]: soda, water, or gatorade (even though most places don't have gatorade i drink that a lot)
[a delicious desert]: cheesecake and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
[a book you highly recommend]: The Cloud Sketcher by Richard Rayner
[the music you prefer while alone]: Emo and Heavy Metal
[your favorite band]: too hard to decide
[a film you could watch over and over]: The Butterfly Effect, Mony Python and the Holy Grail, and Keeping the Faith
[a TV show you watch regularly]: Judging Amy and Charmed
[you live in a(n)]: a house
[your cologne or perfume]: Victoria Secret's Rasberry
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: memories that i tried to forget
[something important on your night table]: pictures of my closest friends

Cut me

:: 2004 1 April :: 6.56 pm
:: Mood: bleh...but a little happy

Being sick sucks
I never knew that when I feel this sick and grumpy that a few words that I only trust very little can bring a smile to my face because I now believe that it's true. * sigh* Although I'm confused right now I know I will get through it. I wishI had someone to talk to right now or someone to be here for me to hang out with. That'd be great. Well, I think I'm going to go and find some random surveys to put on this dam thing. That way whoever reads this can get to know me even better than they all ready do. I better get going.

Cut me

:: 2004 30 March :: 8.49 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Wish List
1) To have my life back.
2) Be free of feelings that I have that I don't want
3) Get out of my depression
4) Set myself free from the presonal prison of hell I put myself in so no one sees "me"
5) To truly believe I'm loved
6) To stop cutting
7) To not feel this pain anymore
8) To not care about anything anymore that way I won't get hurt anymore
9) To not get hurt anymore
10) To be able to start trusting people again
11) To be anywhere but here
12) For someone to rescue me
13) To feel free again
14) My heart needs to be put back together. It's still in a million pieces. I don't know if I can pick them up again and put it back together. I want my heart to be mended
15) TO get married and be happy with my husband
16) To have healthy children
17) Have a good college education
18) Have a good job
19) Get the friends back that I lost due to stupid people feeding them bull shit
20) To not be so hard on myself all the time
21) To like and respect myself as a whole again

Cut me

:: 2004 30 March :: 8.48 pm

Bad day
Today was bad. I hope it doesn't get any worse.

Cut me

:: 2004 30 March :: 5.43 pm
:: Mood: Eh....

Stole From Ben
About you]

[1]name: Susan
[2]age: 16 (soon to be 17)
[3]birthday: 7/13/1987
4]location: Battle Creek, MI
[5]where were you born?: Albion, Michigan
[6]where do you wish to be?: anywhere but here
[7]whats your hair like?: medium short, curly, dark brown but soon to be red
[8]what about your eyes?: normal dark brown when moods change: anywhere from dark green to bright blue
[9]how tall are you?: 5'5
[10]you secure with your body?: well it doesn't go off and do it's own thing if that's what you mean. otherwise no i am not. i'm very self-conscious
[11]so what kind of music do you like?: All kinds. Classical to Punk so what does that tell you? As long as it's not country or rap ok

[12]parents names: Frances...i don't know my dad's name though
[13]any step monsters?: adoptive monsters...Julaine and Frank
[14]siblings?: One that I know out of 8
[15]what are the bastards names?: Paul the other 7 I have no idea
[16]do you have a dog?: Yes. Casper
[17]do you have a cat: Yes. Reis
[18]any other pets?: ferret named Nadia, two fish Bubbles and Mr. Wiggles, and three mice
[19]what's your dream pet?: a dolphin or any other wild animal
[20]have a big house?: not my own, my parents own it
[21]do you drive?: yes....sort of
[22]if so, what kind of car do you have. if not, what do you want?: I want a 1977 Monte Carlo Black

[This or that: music]
[23]saves the day or piebald?: Saves the Day
[24]le tigre or bikini kill?: Le Tigre
[25]mushroomhead or chimaira?: neither
[26]barenaked ladies or blink 182?: Blink 182
[27]weezer or the strokes?: The Strokes
[28]sparta or at the drive-in?: At The Drive-In
[29]sparta or mars volta?: Mars Volta
[30]the white stripes or the b52's?: The White Stripes
[31]selby tigers or bangs?: Selby Tigers
[32]pedro the lion or dashboard confessional: Dashboard Confessional
[33]punk or emo: both
[34]punk or riot grrrl?: punk
[35]riot grrrl or emo?: emo
[36]pop punk or punk rock?: punk rock
[37]screemo or softcore?: screamo
[38]which core(hard, soft, queer)?: does it really fucking matter?

[Your computer]

[39]you have aim?: yes
[40]how bout yahoo?: nope
[41]who still has icq?: i don't even know what the fuck that is
[42]you have msn?: nope
[43]kazaa?: no
[44]winamp?: nope
[45]whats your winamp skin?: see previous.
[46]have a digi cam?: yep
[47]a webcam?: nope
[48]have a cd burner?: yep
[49]got a dvd player on here?: yep

[Love life]
[50]have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: Yes, David
[51]how about a crush?: yes
[51]does he/she know you like them? possibly?
[53]tell us about him/her: not sure what to say but i think they know who they are
[54]have you ever been in love?: yes....once actually and very much so
[55]do you still love him/her?: yes i do. i know that this person may not want to hear that but i do....i always will
[56]ever kissed someone of the same sex?: yes
[57]so you're gay right?: ask smarter questions jackass
[58]are you out?: of what? my ass? i like that response so i'll keep it....
[59]how far have you gone..sexually?: i've gone all the way before
[60]when's the last time you had some action?: none of your business
[61]you're a virgin right?: see last answer fuck balls
[62]how about oral sex? it's been quite a while
[63]ever gotten your heart broken?: yes very much so....he feels bad for it though and i wish i could feel better and make him feel better too
[64]ever broken a heart...hearts!?: no....i've always been the dumpee
[65]ever been cheated on?: yeah...
[66]ever cheated?: no


[78]are you anti-social?: not really...are you?
[79]how many people do you consider true friends?: 4


[80]wearing: blue jeans, a burgandy t-shirt
[81]eating: Peanut Butter flavored PowerBar
[82]drinking: Water
[83]listening to: The stupid movie playing on the tv next to me while I try to zone it out
[84]talking to: I was talking to David but he left
[85]downloading any music?: no
[86]watching tv?: not really, a dumb movie is on, so i guess no

[Opinions ; Likes]

[87]whats your favorite color?: Blue
[88]whats your sign?: Cancer
[89]how about your chinese zodiac?: Rabbit
[90]is pop punk an oxymoron?: who the fuck really cares? punk as it was known is dead and has been dead since the 90's
[91]christian punk?: again, who the fuck cares
[92]girl punk?: no thanks. most girl punk isn't good....
[93]whats your favorite month?: July because my b-day is in july
[94]favorite season?: I love them all
[95]favorite song?: too hard to decide
[96]favorite band?: again
[97]favorite shoes?: flip-flops, sneakers, or any of my dance shoes
[98]favorite shirt? the one I am wearing
[99]favorite pants?: the ones i am wearing
[100]favorite....thing?: pool, so I can do one of the things i love to do most....swim
[101]favorite instrument?: Guitar, Harp, Piano

[This or that... again]

[102] Coke or Pepsi: Coke
[103] Sprite or Mountain Dew: Sprite ReMix
[104] Day or Night: Night
[105] Black or White: Black.
[106] Velvet or Satin: Tough one....I like both....ummmm...velvet
[107] Turkey or Chicken: oooh that's a tough one...Both
[108] Dreams or None: Sometimes I wish none because a lot of my dreams have let me down
[109] Fear or Pain: Pain
[110] Boots or Sneakers: Sneakers so I can run
[111] Hockey or Baseball: Hockey
[112] Easter or Valentines: Valentines because Easter reminds me of a religion I am forced to believe or something of that nature
[113] Relationship or Friends w/ Benefits: Relationship
[114] Cell phone or Beepers: cell phone
[115] AIM or Yahoo!: AIM
[116] Yahoo! or MSN: AIM
[117] AIM or MSN: AIM
[118] Snow White or Ariel: the gang rape victim lyying dead at the end of my street..
[119] Eyeliner or Mascara: Eyeliner because it looks eyelashes don't need mascara really long all ready


[120] Straightedge?: eh. if i didn't smoke occasionally then i would be totally sXe
[121] Alcoholic (or drink a lot?): no
[122] Smoke?:when i get really upset
[123] Smoke weed?: nope
[124] Go to shows?: wish i had the time to
[125] Play in shows?: wish i could
[126] Dyed hair?/ Color? red
[127] Turn ons?: light kisses on my back, slight touching on my back and stomach, etc. I guess all the really romantic stuff
[128] Turn offs?: being rushed and the person being rough about it before we start
[129] Do you like sex on the beach? (not the drink): I would love to have sex on the beach with know who you are....
[130] Soft comfortable screw?: ummm? a soft screw? never heard of it.

[ Colorful stuff... ]

[131] What color underwear are you wearing?: black
[132] What color sheets are on your bed?: They're mutli colored. Orange, Purple, Blue, Pink and Red
[133] What color is your car?: the car that will be mine is going to be purple
[134] What color is your dream car?: RED
[135] What color is your carpet?: beige
[136] What color are your bedroom walls?: sky blue with clouds
[137] Do you like purple?: really dark purple yes or lilac purple yes
[138] What did you think of when i say... GREEN?: sick
[139] Who's name do you scream when you see a bright yellow hummer?: No one's
[140] M+M's... what's your favorite color?: red and blue
[141] What color are your nails?: no color
[142] What color are your toe nails?: no color
[143] What color are your shoes?: ummm....I've been wearing a lot of different fli-flops what I wore today, they were blue

What time is it?: 4:49pm
What's the date?: 2.30.04

Cut me

:: 2004 21 March :: 4.02 pm
:: Mood: Pumped and Excited
:: Music: K-Unit

Well, I'm going to be leaving soon to go to Grand Rapids for my first dance competition of this year. Hopefully we'll do well. I have a good feeling about this one! Well I have to go. Catch ya later! K-UNIT!!!!

P.S. Incase you're wondering K-Unit is the name of our song and our group's stage name. It satnds for Karla's Unit. Karla being our dance teacher. Kick ass!!!!

1 Rusty Razor | Cut me

:: 2004 20 March :: 9.52 pm
:: Mood: lonely

Grow Old With You
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink;
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

Cut me

:: 2004 15 March :: 7.37 pm
:: Mood: im laughing due to a stupid rumor

I Miss You- Blink 182
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
the shadow in the background of the morgue
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
we can live like Jack and Sally if we want
where you can always find me
we'll have Halloween on Christmas
and in the night we'll wish this never ends
we'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time
and as I stared I counted
webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Cut me

:: 2004 13 March :: 11.01 am
:: Mood: Excited
:: Music: Shout-Tears for Fears

A Good day so far
Well, today at around one o'clock or two I am going to go to Gashes and get my belly button pierced. Then, Beth and I might go to the mall cause she needs to do some shopping. Then David is coming over tonight!!! YAY!!!! WHAT A GREAT DANDERIFIC DAY!!!!Well, I have to get going cause my mom, dad, and I are going to go out and eat breakfast then off to Gashes and the mall I go!!!! Bye for now!!!

Cut me

:: 2004 6 March :: 9.01 pm
:: Mood: OK I guess
:: Music: Fawz and my dad annoying me with meaningless conversatiion

*sigh* Yet another day of complete and utter boredom. David came over yesterday and he's at an Opera today. I wish I could be there with him. I love operas and I love just being with him. I can't wait to get out of this house....My parents drive me fucking crazy with stupid conversation and then they fucking criticise everything I say. GRRRRRRRRRRROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of it!!!! I can't wait until
I move out and get as far away from here as possible. Then life would be so much better. I'm going to go now though that way I can put something together that David will like with song lyrics. Until I write again.


1 Rusty Razor | Cut me

:: 2004 28 February :: 8.32 pm
:: Mood: Ok, I guess considering I'm not Susan
:: Music: Fawz, Beth, and Susan

I'm Hungry, Feed me
I am starting the feed the David foundation, if you want to contribute to it, or I think Huungry, Hungry David sounds cooler...Hmmmm....thats a tuffy (just like the ad, lol). Susan, quit it...she is doing things to me while I am typing. Oh well, if you want to contribute to the organization, give me food or money...QUIT IT...she won't leave me alodsjgakl;lskgl;kdjglkjds;lkajgsdlkgjjjjjjjjjj...I can't type saj;dlk;jlgklad;jgkl;jsadgaskjldg;asdkl;gjalksjg...QUIT IT...
~David aka wolfinsheeps clothing

Cut me

:: 2004 20 February :: 5.03 pm
:: Mood: happy

Everything Reminds Me of Everything
Everything reminds me of everything and everywhere I look,
I find these simple memories in the pieces of you that I took.
And every time I look around or hear your voice it draws me in,
It's been happening for so long now, I forgot how it even began.
I fall asleep with your image on my mind and I wake up just the same,
It would be so much easier if I could simply erase your name
From my memory and vocabulary and go back and change all the times
We spent together and every moment I wished you were mine.
Every word reminds me of something that you used to say,
Of course silence is all that I hear since I never begged you to stay.
Everything is everything and in the grand scheme of things I know
I should not have let you go - I should have begged you not to go.
I wander through these pictures scattered throughout my head,
Replacing you and hoping to find anothers instead,
But you're always there reminding me of everything we used to share,
Every word you say hurts me and it cuts me, how long till I stop to care.
Everything reminds me of everything, and anything of you,
And as much as I avoid it I think that I always knew.
You're dancing and laughing, smiles vivid in my head,
But there are parts of me still crying and still others that are dead.
Anything is everything in this life we hold so tight,
That we can't let go of anything without trying to make it right.
Everything reminds me of you and it echoes within my ears,
Of everything that you took away and how I should have spent those years.

Cut me | Random Journal