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:: 2005 19 April :: 8.32pm

oh ,,, dont you love the negativity?
getting C's and D's are just... lovely.
i love it.

i absolutely love wanting to die.

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:: 2005 14 April :: 6.54pm
:: Music: azure ray

i hate life.

so i'm waiting for this test to end, so these lighter days can soon begin.
i'll be alone, but maybe more carefree like a kite that floats so effortlessly.
i was afraid to be alone. now im scared thats how i'd like to be.
all these faces, none the same. how can there be so many personalities?
so many lifeless, empty hands. so many hearts in great demand.
and now my sorrow seems so far away,
until i'm taken by these bolts of pain.
but i turn them off and tuck them away,
till these rainy days that make them stay.
and then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs.
and the words still ring, once here, now gone.
and they echo through my head everyday.
and i dont think they'll ever go away.
just like thinking of your childhood home
but we cant go back we're on our own.

and i think i'll want to be alone.
so please understand that i dont answer the phone.
i'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls until i can see nothing at all.
only particles, some fast, some slow. all my eyes can see is all i know.

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:: 2005 15 January :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: relient k

i'm don't have anything to say, except i like this cd, it could be their best yet. um. one more thing, i'm happy for friends that know how to make me keep going.

no i don't hate you,
don't want to fight you,
you know i'll always love you
but right now i just don't like you
cause you took this too far

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:: 2005 12 January :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: Real Love - Mary J. Blige

Olympic: Day 2
the excitement from yesterday is gone..so today was an ehh day..i rode steph's bus to school and home..i'm getting to hang out with her alot now which is great..i had psychology today which was interesting the teacher is kinda weird but he's funny..then i had ap english..they just started reading The Great Gatsby..but that class was fun..avi's in there..crazy kid..i met a couple new people in there too..i realized today that jaqueline is in almost all my classes..she's cool too..i haven't seen her since middle school when we used to hang out together with raquel..she's straight..a little on the quieter side now..i guess that's good..lol..spanish was fun..the kids in there crack me up..mrs hart changed our seats around so now i sit by this dominican girl daisy..she's sweet..we just messed around didn't do much in that class..then it was off to american history..my PE teacher teaches that class..and he's the head football coach..lol.a little weird..he even admitted that he had no clue what he was teaching so he's gonna give us work like reading the chapter and taking our own notes and then he'll give us a test (the test is made by the other history teacher)there's a total of 10 kids in there..he said that it'll just be a free period..lol..whateverr..works for me..at lunch i ate with steph, evan, the other stephanie, ryan, camila and a couple other people..JJ's in my lunch too..so he came by and ate with us :)we talked for a while and he's sooo cute!!..i bought my locker and mine is right next to his..hehe..lucky me!!!..:)..he didn't get to play at last night's game (which we won) and he won't be able to for i think 2 more games..him and the coach don't see eye to eye..lol..that's what he told me..ahh!! but he's so cute!! tall, black, athletic build so he's got some muscles..and he's got the most adorable smile.. :: snapping out of it now :: tomoro's an even day..i just got through with my pre cal homework and im working on my pysch. notes..but get this, in history we're only on westward expansion it's so easyyy..so im happy about that..im soo looking forward to sunny weather..i wanna go to the beachhhh!!!..i need a new bathing suit too..time to go shoppinggg..hehe..well i guess im done for now..<3

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:: 2005 11 January :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: O - Omarion

my first day at olympic..
ok..it went a little like this:
first i missed the bus this morning so my mom drove me to school..then when i went to pick up my schedule they said i was never registered..when we had registered yesterday..so whatever then i had to talk to my counselor and the data processor to pick my classes..that was so complicated because at ATL we do trig and then analytical geometry but at OH its the other way around..so they didnt know what to put me in..after bout a half hour they stuck me in pre calc..i soo cant do pre calc..im gonna get out of it..it's the middle of the year and im so behind on what these people are learning..i seriously dont get the point in being in there..but my counselor said that if im not picking up on the lessons that i just wont have a math class..i guess im going with that..but i saw ashley thompson..she's in my math so is avi..lol..we ate lunch together, she's graduating this year and going to UCF..the student aides that showed me around were all basketball players and they invited me to the game tonight i dunno if imma go though..we play river..but yeahh, stephanie buck is in my PE class..so we got to talk..she's madd cool..she's on the hip hop dance team..i think im gonna try out for that instead of cheerleading..there were a couple of cheerleaders in my 2nd hour today..and when the teacher asked me what kinds of activities i did at ATL i said cheerleading and they just grilled me..those cheerleaders in my class were madd stuck up and snobby so i know i wont fit in with them so i'd rather not go out for the team..it wouldnt be fun..so im gonna dance instead..i saw JJ!!!..he was in my lunch and we got to talk for a lil while..wowww he is just too cuteeee!!...and then after PE i was walkin toward the bus and he saw me and walked me to it..:)..i heard he broke up with his girlfriend too so heyyyy..lol..so all in all the first day went good..the class schedules are weird though..like there are regular days which are 1-7..then even days which are 2,4,5,6 and then odd days which are 1,3,5,7..so we have 5th hour everyday instead of 1st hour.

my schedule:
1. Psychology
2. Child Development
3. AP English
4. Pre-Calculus
5. AP Spanish
6. Team Sports
7. American History Honors

(my AP spanish class is definitely ALL native speakers..it was a lil weird for me..lol..but i saw this girl i used to go to summer camp with!! when i was like 9..lol..so that was cool) i was so nervous that i wasn't going to know anyone but it all worked out for me..another weird thing was that this one kid was like "u went to atlantic right?? u went out with carlos right??"..lol..i was like "ummm yeahh"..i was so confused i didn't even know this kid but he knew i knew carlos, avi and meyeong..he's a senior though and went to atlantic which threw me off even more..lol..then i met this girl shayah..she was like indian or something i dunno..but i swear she looks jut like nadia..its like whoaaa resemblance..with the little nose ring and everything..she's cool..we'll guys i will let u know how things go down tomoro: OH - Day 2..:)..i love and miss all my eagles and my bull..lol..meli

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