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:: 2005 15 April :: 4.58 pm
:: Music: GeeNerve -- Carry Me From

Ugh : P I do not feel good. I don't feel like writing so here's a bit of angst I privatized a while ago for your sheer pleasure.

I have been looking for other Christian writers but haven't found much. It is discouraging. The ones I do find try to write all Biblish which is horrible. It seems that if I want to be a christian writer I am stuck writing those self-help books which I think are weird. Either that or Chronicals of Narnia knockoffs or end-times weirdness (I liked the Left Behind series at first but after their 15th drawn out book it began to look to me as nothing more than a marketing plot).

What has happened? Followers of Christ are usually awesome writers. People obviously think the Bible is a good peice of literature. And JRR Tolkein and CS Lewis were the most imaginative and respected authors of our time. Now all we've got is apoclyptic nonsense and "10 ways to be even more annoying" type books.

my neighbor is a Christian and the stuff he writes is awesome. I want to do stuff like that. But no one will publish his stuff. "It's not what the market wants" is all they are concerned about. It looks like I'll have to use the secualr markets to be a writer then. I can still write to Christ's glory, I suppose, but I will be pressured to water it down what I want to say. I mean, I know everything doesn't have to include the gosple straight out and stuff, I just want to do things like write nice stories sans erotica and maybe get across some ideal the is glorifying to God. But "the market" doesn't want it and crap. I dunno. I'm probably never going to make it as a writer.

There ya go. I think I have to throw up.

1 Grrr | Growl!

:: 2005 12 April :: 8.39 pm
:: Music: The Munster Beat

How come whenever I have an idea, someone says "oh, that reminds me of Fight Club"??

Also, this is the fifteenth billion time I say this. YOU CANNOT GET LEAD POISONING FROM A GRAPHITE PENCIL. And hopefully the last.

I'm going Retro Future! The world looked so much more promising in 1969.

1 Grrr | Growl!

:: 2005 11 April :: 9.58 pm

"Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all of those things- trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only real world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And thatís a funny thing, when you come to think of it. Weíre just babies making up a game, if youíre right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. Thatís why Iím going to stand by in the play world. Iím on Aslanís side even if there is no Aslan to lead it. Iím going to live like a Narnian even if there isnít any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for the supper, weíre leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but thatís small loss if the worldís as dull a place as you say."


:: 2005 11 April :: 4.43 pm
:: Music: Bohemian Rhapsody // Queen

Ahhh, what a great song.

Snail mail is sucking loads lately! We haven't even gotten ours yet today, and for the past few weeks they've mixed up everybody in the neighborhood's mail. We seem to have a new mailman/lady every day and the post office is only a half mile away, so I do not know what the problem is.

"So you think you can stomp me and spit in my eyyyyyye, so you think you can love me and leave me to diiiiiiiiie, oh, baby..."

That is good music. I'll tell you what is NOT good music. Today I watched a VH1 special about Brooke Hogan starting to make pop music. I was going "nooooooo!" inside my head the whole thing. What broke me to pieces was the Hulk himself saying, "Well, I'll call up my Clearchannel connections." (AAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!). I mean, she's not that bad, at least she is not totally immodest, and she tried to write her own songs.

But seriously. Clear Channel and Hulk Hogan. Man oh man. I liked the Hulk, I really did. I am no indie boy, believe me, but I hate Clear Channel with a passion. They are like communist aristocrats. They put down the small, good voices. they buy up thousands of radio stations and make it impossible for small radio companies to exist. They have a Tamany-like hold on the FCC. Because of them, radio liscences cost way too much. They make sure the American public hears only what they want it to hear. Because of them we have Britanny Speirs and Christian Agulara and Justin Timberlake and all the other discusting sluts influencing the mindless peoples what to believe, that sex is life itself, being a whore is funny and cute, etc etc.

I hate Clear Channel and now I have to hate the Hulk. Poo.

Sorry this is so negative, it is hard to be postive on the Monday after Spring Break after hearing about everyone else's awesome vacation. : P

1 Grrr | Growl!

:: 2005 10 April :: 6.38 pm
:: Music: A Walk Through The Powerhouse // Mr. Melvis

Ugh. One week is not enough Spring Break from school. : P

POW and kyle dives off the ring apron straight into the stomach of Ben who has not called back about that concert he told him about on Friday! He is busted wide open, folks, this is the match of the decade.

I made my interests list awesome, you guys should check it out.

4 Grrrs | Growl!

:: 2005 9 April :: 10.47 am
:: Music: I Believe In A Thing Called Love // The Dampness

Hmm, it is a nice day out. Anybody wanna hang out?

I wrote almost 5,000 words yesterday! That is like professional quality! Maybe I do have a shot at being a full time writer. I like how my story turned out, except I am agonizing overa moral compromise my character makes. I know character's aren't supposed to be perfect, but I think it is a bad example for him to cut corners and get away with it. But the cutting of that corner is part of the basis for the first part of the story. Sigh.

Guess what? I've got more hair on my legs than my head. It's longer than my head hair has ever been too. Weird but kinda awesome at the same time. I am too furry.


:: 2005 8 April :: 8.27 pm

Something has gotten me thinking lately. I've realized that I've made all these plans to do stuff but I'm really just off on my own, not really asking what God wants in my life. So, how do I know what God wants? I know you have to "give it all up to Him", but what does that really mean? People throw that phrase around all the time but don't explain it. Sure, by His Grace, I'm repenting. I don't plan on being some boozing sexmonger, and we're working even on things like not putting my interest in music or lucha libre before Him. Is that "giving it all up"?

God gave me gifts to use, right? I don't think He'd give me a love for writing and for places like Mexico and my family and then be like "Hey, if you really love Me you'll trash all that and join the theological semenary in Nebraska." I mean, He could and He'd have every right to tell me to do that, and with some difficulty I would, but doesn't He give us dreams and hopes and desires to lead us to what He wants us to do with our lives? It seems like when people say "Give it all to Him", they mean "wait for that feeling to come". And then they descover that the desires they have may have taken a higher place in their lives than God (as they do at times), and they freak out and think, oh no, I'm not living right, these desires are sinful, I'm trashing my dreams of become a ballet dancer and hmm, it feels like He's telling me to be a preacher to Inuits, even though I hate Alaska.

I dunno. Maybe it's what really happens. Don't get me wrong, I think God has every right to tell us to do whatever He wants with our lives. We would be headed to Hell if He didn't pay the ultimate sacrifice for our sins; we owe our lives to Him. But I do not understand emotionally based decisions on what God's will would be. Wouldn't it make sense that He'd use our passions and desires to work for Him and to give Him glory? Even if those desires at one point in time had a sort of idolatry attached to them (but have since been repented of)?

Anyway, I also wish there were people around to answer my dumb questions.

I went out to Lil Mexico today! It is a few blocks in Grand Rapids packed with Mexican American immigrants and their decendants. We went to Little Mexico Restaraunt which is awesome, you guys should see it. Then we drove around and looked at the downtown area. I am afraid my sister is a little Africanophobic (*Kristi looks at a black family innocently sitting our on their front porch on a sunny Friday evening* "Man, I bet Detroit is ten times worse than this!"). I suppose it didn't help her much that we watched part of "8 Mile" yesterday though.

So anyway I want to live there. There was a spanish video store there that I want to check out because they probably have lucha libre films there, like El Santo y Blue Demon that I am dying to see.

I remember going downtown when I was little and feeling very scared of all the different people walking around. It wasn't racist, though, it was more like I felt I stood out, like I was the different one there. this time though there was a general feeling of warmth and relaxation, even of safety. I saw cars parked downtown with their windows rolled down and people chatting by their trucks in parking lots, smiling and enjoying the nice weather.

And something else too. PEOPLE DON'T STARE AT YOU FUNNY AND ACT SCARED WHEN YOU PASS THEM ON THE STREET LIKE THEY DO IN THIS SUBURBAN PIT. Honestly, people here are paranoid. "Oh no, a ~teenager~, I'll bet he'll mug me on the spot, I better look in the total opposite direction and walk as far away on the sidewalk as I can". You don't see inner city folk doing that nonsense.

I was probably a half mile away from Eisley today. Sigh, I really do not care anymore though.


:: 2005 8 April :: 1.45 pm
:: Music: Napander!!!

From: funhottiesexy8

hi hun

great pic you have online you are hot
i am glad we are close
let's chat hun

Yaaaay fanmail.

This is my favorite machine in the world. Next to Santo.


Also, here is an awesome song for you. I know no one ever checks them out but here it is anyway. It is fun and plays around with you speaker's stereo function.

Give Yourself A Stereo Checkout by The Bran Flakes

Also, it looks like I'm not going to the Eisley concert tonight due to lack of transportation and on account a' not even Eisley is worth 15 freakin' dollars. I mean, they might be but the crap bands they're opening for aren't worth it. Seriously, I'd take any Nickleback clone over an emo band any day. Not that I'd enjoy either. Sigh, oh well. There's flatfoot 56 concert comin' up which just might make up for that and the fact that I'm probably never going to make it to Cornerstone Fest this year to see my beloved Ballydowse.

I read a story about some aliens going to Mardi Gras today. It was okay. I also bought three books yesterday, one of which I am going to burn. I am not a fan of book burning but this one deserves it. I have learned my lesson; cool cover art does not make up for a bad story. It is so dumb. The writer keeps going on and on like this:

"Space. Space with stars. Space with planets. Space with epiphany. I'd traveled through it a thousand times but only saw one. One cheeseburger. The cheeseburger of beef. The cheeseburger of our lives. Just one. Just one lonely cheeseburger. The cheeseburger... of life."

Then as if to make up for using rhetorical devices, he launches into pages and pages of porno. That is like saying, sorry I rammed your parked car at 65 miles an hour, guy. To make up for it I will break both your legs with this lead-core baseball bat.

Honestly. I think I will exchange it for an Asimov. But I have this feeling I should burn it and spare all of mankind the pain of its existance. Plus it is one of those books where I knew the ending as soon as I started reading it. Here is what will happen: mankind will somehow revolt and free the universe of the alien oppressors, but not without opposition from a few corrupt people who are using the aliens to gain power over alien races. Woooo I didn't even have to read past chapter three.

I will write good books someday.

I think I will start reading this other one I bought called "Dark December" (which is so obscure as to avoid Amazon's ever watchful gaze). It is a depressing post-apocleptic story but at least there's no porno and the author hasn't tried to use retarded essay technics in his fictional prose. I also bought another one called "Scorpions" because it looked awesome. It is about mutant scorpians tearing apart the inhabitants of California. I mean, what would you rather read about, epiphanous porno burgers or "the grotesque insects and their repulsive tide of blood-soaked slaughter, tearing innocent victims limb from limb, leaving a hideously mutilated trail of bodies in their wake"?

1 Grrr | Growl!

:: 2005 8 April :: 8.42 am
:: Music: Re-Hash // The Gorillaz

I had a dream last night that I went into this building and met Eisley! It was awesome, we sat down and I showed them my awesome coloring book skillz and hanged out for a while. Then I was like, I gotta go call Tracey, andI ran to what appeared to be my old room and found I had a voice mail message that I didn't listen to. Then I went back outside and Eisley was gone! I looked around but all there was were my former band members *shudders*. They were doing a weird roll call. Then I saw Jeniffer and I was like, will you give me a ride to the Eisley concert tonight and she was like, sure. Then I turned around and looked back but Jen faded off into the darkness! Then I tried despretly to call Tracey and ask for a ride but it didn't work out or something. Then I woke up in a cold sweat.

I guess I'm pretty excited about that concert tonight, even if I have to wade through some awful emo bands to hear them.


:: 2005 7 April :: 10.24 pm
:: Music: New Genius (Brother) // The Gorillaz

Well, Rey Mysterio lost tonight due to a technicality. but we all know who the real winner is. :D

Also, I'm never going to drink.


:: 2005 7 April :: 2.11 pm
:: Music: Spy In Yer Eye // Mofos


Ha ha, that site is great. Some of the ugliest things I've ever seen.


:: 2005 6 April :: 10.48 pm
:: Music: Cross Rockin' // Mattronic

Why is everything so borrrring today? D:


:: 2005 5 April :: 9.01 pm
:: Music: Ganfmedes De Vuelta Otra Vez De Nuevo // Lanark

Thanks for the awesome day guys! :D

Guess what? My laptop came today! I named him El Santo. He is awesome.

God's way awesomer than anything though. Have you ever thought about how there was an eternity of nothing before you were born? Like, you couldn't see anything, hear or feel anything, you didn't even exist. You weren't even around when Rome was built or the Titanic sank or Nixon got in trouble. It is freaky to think about but it's great to know He cared enough to make us, and even die for us.

2 Grrrs | Growl!

:: 2005 5 April :: 11.51 am
:: Music: Happy Workers // Archbishop Jason Polland

I am being too reclusive lately. I hope I don't grow up and have no friends. Thanks y'all who have been calling me up to do stuff. Also, thanks Tom for the call on my birthday, sorry I missed it.

I will turn in my Mejier application today. I will be a stockboy or a bottle return boy, probably. God willing. I hope I get a job soon.

Anybody wanna go to Cornerstone Fest with me this summer? (preferebly males, as it would be a road trip of sorts).

2 Grrrs | Growl!

:: 2005 4 April :: 7.13 pm

I went to the Petra exhibit today with my grandpa. It was pretty awesome.

Wanna hear an awesome somg? Check it out- The Prize Trophy by Archbishop Jason Polland. It's pretty big but decidedly worth it.

1 Grrr | Growl! | Random Journal