And we just want sleep, but this night is hell. I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself because I make things hard and your just trying to help. I got no gas,I'm winding out my gears. This is one more day on the verge of tears. And now my head hurts and my health is a joke. And now I got to stop cause the headphones broke.

 

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Die Young and Save Yourself

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:: 2004 7 January :: 8.34 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Vision- Closeminded

Well today was okay i guess....Andrew was bein a dick tho and i don't really know why (he said it was because im "annoying" ((i kno i am!!!)) but still he was bein nice yesterday.....I swear i don't know whats with that kid.....but i really miss him. Before he started hating me and after we broke up. He was like my best friend.....even tho he hated me one minut and loved me the next (and still does that) i can't help but love him, hes just awesome (even tho he hates himself and thinks im stupid) hes just not like everyone else.....i really really miss him. I know you're all probably like "what an idiot" but honestly i don't care......but other than that nothing really happend today. I went to Erica Sanderson's grandma's house with Tiffany to "studdy for midterms" but that didn't go over too well....(didn't even open my book bag lol) XD i swear i have no life.....lol but hey thats just me. Well im gonna go ahead and end this because i wanna read Tiff's....latter kiddies-
Leah

2 fuckers | Hates me


:: 2004 7 January :: 7.34 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Straight Faced

I've tried to update this thing about 20 fuckin times and every time it says "page cannot be displayed" and then makes me type the whole fuckin thing all over agian....so fuck it im not typing anything untill im in a good mood again (i fuckin hate it when shit don't go my way....)

1 fucker | Hates me


:: 2004 6 January :: 6.01 pm

Survey, because I can.
Male or female?: Female
First and middle name: Leah Nicole
Do you like your name?why?: I could think of some other names that I would like better, but it's all good.
What would you name a baby girl?: Kaori or Riley
A baby boy?: Adrien
How old are you? Do you act your age?: 14, sometimes I act my age, other times I don't.
Do you sleep in the buff?: Uhh lets hope not.
[girls]does it matter to you if your bra and panties match?: No
[boys]boxers or briefs?: Hey i can still answere this!!! wooo uh boxers, but it doesnt really matter cuz if i see em they're coming off anyways ;-) just teasin :-P
Or do you ever wear nothing?: nah
Two words to describe your personality:: Weird, Cynical
Describe the perfect girl in your mind:: scince im not a lesbian i'll pass.....
Describe the perfect guy:: Someone i can get along with and would always be there for me, and someone who wasn't an ass to other people
Do you smoke fags, pot, take speed, drink alcohol, or any thing else?: alcohol, thats it.
If you had to label yourself, what would it be?[goth,prep,mod]: eh..i wouldn't. Lables are stupid (well i would say nerd...but hey thats just me :-P)
Do you think your addicted to the internet?: NO! I CAN QUIT WHENEVER I WANT TO...-=Shivers=-
How much tv do you watch?: Hardly any.
Good student? or slacker?: inbetwener
have you ever seen a therapist? for what?: Nope.
Religion?: Raised Baptist but I'm not really anything at the moment.
What do you believe will happen to you when you die?: Reincarnation or the dying persons version of Heaven, sort of undecided between those two.
Do you ever have outbursts where you just wanna scream and break things?: I've managed to keep those emotions bottled up, but yeah.
Ever had a panic attack?: Along long time ago
Would you say you live a highly stressful life?: Very
Do you have a chronic disease?: Not that I know of.
Would you say your rich poor or in the middle:: between poor and middle class but leaning more towards middle class
Have a job? where?: Yeah...an elemenatry school(sucks..i kno)
Do you sell drugs to make money?: No.
Have the cops ever caught you doing something illegal? what?: Yeah....Throwing rocks at passing cars (i was such a little bitch when i was 12....) and other stuff....lol
Have you ever lost someone close to you.[death of pet, parent, ect]: yeah
Do you like to dance?: no
Ever been to a real rave?: no
Are you a provocative dancer?: no
Have you ever intentionally cut, burn, or hurt yourself?: yeah...but not in a phsyco way or anthing i was just fuckin around
Do you like pain and blood?: blood- no pain- depends....pain doesn't always "hurt" so you know....sometimes its just what you need
Have any fetishes?what?: not really
Have you ever seen porn? where?: yeah....i dunno were tho it was a while back
Virgin or whore?: Virgin
Have a current b/f or g/f? for how long?: I'm single.
Sexual orientation? Undecided?: Straight
Where you ever abused in anyway?: If you consider you're family just dumping you, then yes.
Are you and your family close?: No not at all
Have your anyone close to you have an addiction?: Yeah
What age do you think you'll die?: uhhh 80's or 90's....my family lives long
How do you want to die?: Death by mosh pit lol no im teasing i dunno...i dont care
Ever think you'll get married? more than once?: I hope I find the right person the first time.
Ever have kids? adopt?: One or two of my own, then i'll adopt
What kind of job do you want to have?: Producer
Do you crack your knuckles or bite your nails?: Sometimes...not a habit tho
Ever been to a concert? who?: Yeah, different bands
What type of music do you mostly listen to?: uuhhh different types....punk, ska, emo, rock, ect.
Would you say your a lost cause?: Yeah
Have you ever been called a lost cause?: Many many times
Are you a pyro?: You're a loser if you get hard-ons from fire.
Do people yell at you when walking down the street?what do they yell?: They either scream something like, "Sexy" or "Freak" lol
Have you ever been in a real physical fight? did you win?: Yes and Yes
Would you say you have many enemies?: Nah.
Hate your parents?: With good reason.
Ever run away from home for a long period of time?: Nope.
What do you think people with say about your answers to this survey?: " Lame..." or "shes so retarded....."

2 fuckers | Hates me


:: 2004 6 January :: 4.23 pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Jack Off Jill

Today seriously sucked.....well this morning anyways. I swear i fuckin hate everyone.....people are so retarded its not even funny. Im so sick of all this shit goin on with me and my mom.....and then my dad being a clueless dick doesn't help any.( i fuckin hate him) Especially when he says stuff like "you're gonna have to change or you're never gonna go anywere in life" and "People aren't gonna like you very much (like i fuckin care....) if you act like that" and all this other bullshit....i told him i don't kno how many times that im not gonna change for ANYONE....if you don't like something i do or say, thats you're problem not mine, Go eat a dick, whatever i don't care. And you know what sucks the most??? I can't talk to anyone about it either....everytime i try people act like its no big deal or change the subject or something. Im sick of acting like everythings alright, and im done with it. I know theres a lot of people who care about me and i care about them too, but i don't think they realize how big of a problem this is. I just feel bad because i've been kinda spaced-out all day today, and Erika's been asking me if im mad at her.....i seriously hope she doesn't think that (i love you fatass!!!lol) it's just i got all this shit goin on and i have no way to deal with it. Well, other than that i didnt do anything today. Tommorow me and Tiffany are gonna go to Erica S. house and be nerds for a while (study for midterms....lol although i don't know why....they mean nothing to me) hmmm.....well i have nothing else to say and i wanna update some stuff so im gonna end this meaningless ramble......i love you guys (most of you....) even tho no one actually reads this lol!!! latter kiddies-
Leah

3 fuckers | Hates me


:: 2004 5 January :: 2.06 pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Sex Pistols

Hmmm....well the alarm didnt go off this morning and for some reason my other clock is two hours ahead, so i woke up at what i thought was noon and just stayed home thinking i only had work and one period left anyways. If i had known that it was only 10 i probably would have gone to school, i kinda miss everybody lol. Other than that im not really doing anything right now except reading posts and stuff. Well, i'll get back on here later today and post again. latter kiddies-
Leah

3 fuckers | Hates me


:: 2004 4 January :: 4.30 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: H2O

My first entry....
hmmm....well guys this is my first entry in this journal. i doubt any of you will acctaully read any of this, nothing exciting ever goes on in my life. I've had a few other online journals before (check out xanga.com...there awesome) but i won't share those with you lol. Nothings going on today really, im going to the church later for a going away party for my cousin, hes leaving for georgia (in the army) in a few days. I hardley ever get to see him now, but i'll still miss him. Well i don't really know how this specific journal works....so im gonna go ahead and end this entry to find a little more out.....latter kiddies-
Leah

Hates me

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