:: 2008 28 June :: 12.15 am

This is my twentieth year and I have nothing to show of it.
A trail of ex-boyfriends and no career.
I can't get a job to save my life.
All of my passions have long since been put on hold.
I had dreamed of making a name for myself.

I once wanted to play in a band with my closest friend.
We wrote songs for hours on many summer nights.
Her mother died and then she grew out of those dreams.
She spends her time living her mothers life.
It's not a bad life, I just miss how blissful we were.
Whenever I pick up my guitar all I can feel is disappointment in myself.

I once wanted to write children books and poetry books.
I am so full of hate toward my writing that I just stopped.
My poetry was rough but full of potential.
I refused to give in to potential.
My children stories always ended too soon with quick death.
I thought it funny - only to cover up my lack of ambition to finish.
I will blame that on my lack of confidence.
Last year I began writing a story with a friend - it was truly brilliant.
He's in college so the fun only lasted so long.
"Finish the story yourself" is one of the last things he said.
("We're in this together" would have been selfish of me.)
The story is unfinished and lost (along with my skills).

I had started imagining myself living in a loft.
My art surrounding me.
I would drink tea and love every day.
I would paint the morning air.
I would draw every emotion the sun brought.
I would sculpt my entire self.
My art would mean something to someone.
I would sell if for a hefty price and buy a home of my own.
I would just live without fear.
Oh how wonderful it would be if I could live a day without worry.

I don't believe it's selling out if the art you sell is cared for.
Art speaks to people, many who don't believe they can create.
I would feel honored to help another love a piece that expresses who they are (that means I have something in common with another soul).
I am way underdeveloped.

I am twenty today.
I am sitting online.
I am something like happy.
This is the life I made for myself.
I am what I never dreamed of being.
I am concrete.

As much resentment I will feel toward myself for posting this, I am posting this.

Happy Birthday to me.

6 Spine Bones | Ruptured

:: 2008 18 April :: 11.03 pm

>.<
I am a fan of the Alien movies.
I am a fan of the Predator movies.
I enjoyed the AVP movie.

I just watched AVPR.
I am pissed times a billion.
The directors of the movie totally fucked up.

I don't want to sound like a huge nerd so I won't rant (like I have been to Tony for the past 20 minutes). Colin and Greg Strause need to suck my nuts... well... suck someones nasty nuts... I'm pissed.. -.-

Ruptured

:: 2008 22 January :: 11.40 pm

Heath Ledger died.
I was fond of him.

Link

2 Spine Bones | Ruptured

:: 2008 21 January :: 12.37 am

I hate when names haunt.

-.-

Ruptured

:: 2007 25 December :: 11.43 pm

I totally LOVE guilt trippers! -.-
Today was mostly wonderful.

I hope all enjoyed Christmas (or whatever you might celebrate) and hugged the puh-jinkers out of your loved ones!

Ruptured

:: 2007 8 November :: 12.05 am

I suppose it's time to throw in the towel.
Sometimes friends come, but they mostly go.
Months pass and strands stay, but this time they might follow.

I wish everyone would stop calling me lazy.
I have done all I can at the moment to find a job.
I'm not being picky, either, I'm just being knowledgeable to myself.
"Beggars can't be choosers."
People who can't rush (and do well) shouldn't work fast food either.

My car is having problems.
I don't think it's anything to worry about.
Joys of a carbonated car.
I love him, still.

I've been taking sleeping pills to help with my insomnia.
They are some of the best darn things.
Within an hour I am out.
Tonight I am going to attempt to trick my body into thinking I took one.
Hopefully it will believe me.
I attempted last night by just taking a vitamin.
It took an hour and a half for my body to settle.
That's better than just passing out from a sleep-deprived headache.

It's nice waking up at nine and watching the day progress.
I'm beginning to feel as though I will never see the light of 1am.
By light I mean computer and television light.
I actually went to sleep without my television on last night.
I think I will be able to get used to that.

BED TIME.. soon.

1 Spine | Ruptured

:: 2007 7 November :: 2.09 am

I'm not surprised.

Habits form.
Habits form.
Habits always kill.

Ruptured

:: 2007 6 November :: 12.08 am

Are they still in love?

Ruptured

:: 2007 17 October :: 3.16 pm

First place I drove to all by my lonesome: Joe's.

Baby steps.
I feel less stressed.
Last night I was imagining driving.
I crashed a lot in my imagination.
Today was a better reality.
I rock.

3 Spine Bones | Ruptured

:: 2007 17 October :: 12.33 am

Red Head
At first it was an amazing orange.
My family laughed at me.
Chelsi flipped a bit.
The girl at Sally's laughed at me.
Now it's an odd (good) red.
I am pleased with it.

Petoskey was so wonderful.
I enjoy king sized beds.
I also enjoy heaters on 80.

1 Spine | Ruptured