home | profile | guestbook


We Were Meant To Live for So Much More

recent entries | past entries


spinder

:: 2014 25 October :: 10.16am

I tend to be very hesitant about claiming good things have happened. I've had so many amazing interviews that never panned out that my general reaction to positive things is that life is just trying to play a trick on me.

What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2014 6 March :: 6.39pm

Cancer update: Still sucks. Dont get it.
Mortality is an odd concept. When faced with someone you love keeling over it looms large in your mind. It changes alot of how you feel about your own life.

When the protagonist of that story rolls off her death bed and decides to keep living its really a bit jarring. I'm not complaining, its wonderful, but to a certain extent I was very ready to deal with Gloria's death. A lot of mental turmoil goes into preparing for that. For the time being, though, I can continue pretending everyone will continue living forever.

I just realized something while I was typing this. Now I know which of my parents I get my procrastination streak from.

Ahhaha... Dont judge; She'd laugh.

4 Meanings | What is your life meant to be?


m&ms487

:: 2014 17 February :: 9.27am
:: Mood: pensive

I'm twenty-six and probably buying a house in a few months.

What is your life meant to be?


m&ms487

:: 2013 15 September :: 8.47pm
:: Music: Man on Fire-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

PhDing and teaching. It involves lots of reading. And grading. Eventually, there will be writing. This year marks my 4th academic publication, and 2014 will hold conference presentations 7-9 at major conferences.

I really hope there will be some semblance of a good job at the end of all of this.

1 Meaning | What is your life meant to be?


m&ms487

:: 2013 31 July :: 3.18pm

We move to Indiana in five days. I start my PhD in two and a half weeks.

1 Meaning | What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2013 20 March :: 2.13am

No really.
Don't get cancer.

What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2013 9 March :: 1.01am

Generally, when people have stage four cancer they freak out a little bit. They emotion dump. Something.

Aside from beating it back as best as possible, my mother seems to be generally more concerned with other people freaking out. I think the fact that she has described chemo as "sort of fun" and stage IV cancer as "One of the worse ones, I'm not sure, I don't think it goes to V" kind of highlights why she's one of the few people in life I'd rather not have die of cancer right now.

She's always been intensely unconcerned with what the world thinks is important. She had kids, grew some gardens, and now she's likely dieing. Why the hell is everyone so concerned with this?

The way you act, the way you live, the way you die is all up for scrutiny. Its nice to see someone saying to hell with it and just enjoying the ride.

Its just not so nice when its your mother. I cant tell If I can pull off her particular brand of life philosophy right this instant.

2 Meanings | What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2013 28 February :: 8.45pm

I'm beginning to think that what you give up on in life is far more defining than what you acquire, or what you have lost.

What you acquire is rarely tied to any rational explanation. What you lose is even more random. What we give up intentionally is perhaps the one choice we can say is our own. Less influenced by things outside of our intentions.

I imagine we mostly lump giving up on a thing with a loss of a thing. Perhaps I'm splitting hairs best left whole, perhaps not. Its interesting to look at things from my life and decide which was which. What did I cast aside, and what has life cast aside without my input?

Sometimes life removes something important and you realize just how long its been since you cast it aside with disinterest and apathy. Even if the day before you wouldn't have described it in such a way.

Family is like that. You get a call and the word "cancer" makes you think about how little you've kept in touch.

What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2013 20 February :: 9.07pm

Seems about as good a point in time to give up on life as any.
---------------------
edit- Touche. Very funny life. Very funny.

What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2013 25 January :: 12.13am

Don't have the friends in this city to pull off being an alcoholic.

Say what you will about em, at least they find a way to keep themselves busy.

3 Meanings | What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2012 9 November :: 2.27am

I hate Ayn Rand
/Annoyed ranting/

I have to avoid pointing out on facebook that the concept of going Galt doesn't work if your profession is a register jockey.

Congratulations, you removed yourself from society. We sure will miss you. How the hell will we ever find someone to work the register at 7-11?! By gods the gears of industry are falling down about us as we speak.

/Annoyed ranting/

What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2012 7 November :: 2.25am

Ergo,
(a week ago)
1. Hurricane sandy was sent by god, because of the homo-gays.

(just now)
2. Obama only won because of hurricane sandy.


What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2012 29 October :: 8.15pm

159v 154q or 590v 690q
If I wanted to get into a good program in the humanities my GRE score would be awesome.

On the other hand a 690 is like the bare minimum for anything I actually want to do in the sciences. Although for biology they might focus on the high verbal scores to offset the lower quant. scores.

They say a GRE score is not important if you have lots of other crap to balance it out. But then, my GPA is average (3.1) and I can only think of 1 person to even ask for a letter.

That being said, I've never really considered getting a degree in the humanities. I imagine I could get into anything that doesn't have a strict connection to undergrad crap.

I'm supposed to be a mad scientist, that was my dam calling.
I suppose I can just be an alcoholic.

6 Meanings | What is your life meant to be?


spinder

:: 2012 21 October :: 6.33pm

For being a college town this place seems very desolate most of the time.
In the past summer break always started to get very very old near the end. So much that I generally ended up waiting for school to start.

Summer break ended like 7 weeks ago, and I'm still stuck waiting to leave this god forsaken place and find purpose in life.

What is your life meant to be?


m&ms487

:: 2012 14 September :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Fun: Walking the Dog

I survived getting sick from my students/colleagues until the end of week three. I'll take it.

I'm getting back in the groove. Things seem more like a clusterfuck, but they seem easier.

I'm taking Old English this semester, for no other reason than it's a degree requirement for a linguistics credit. I'd rather take French. With that being said, apparently two hellish years of French have really beefed up my language skills, and it's going quite easily. Perhaps I'll be one of those people who knows like five (useful) languages eventually.

Thesis. Blech. I don't want to talk about it.

Teaching is going well. I get their first drafts of their first paper by Monday at midnight. We're having fun in class, and they're all really good kids. I expect at least a quarter of them will fail the first draft, but the good thing for them about English is that we offer revisions. Lots and lots of revisions.

Other things are going well, but clouding the periphery--union stuff, graduate literary journal, other groups, non-profit work, academic senate/the eboard for that, too, and now I'm enrolled in a teaching academy through the university (only about 15 people university-wide were selected in total).

PhD applications in a few months.

I guess I should go parse some Old English or grade some papers. What else is there to do while being sick on a Friday night?

What is your life meant to be?

Woohu.com | Random Journal