butterfly
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2008 13 May :: 9.24am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Rose - Westlife
I stopped taking my allergy medicine because we didn't have cats any more, but ever since I started babysitting I've been dying. I need to start taking my medicine again but I keep forgetting to and therefore I die every single day.
Apparently we're getting the cat that they have, as well, because they can't take it with them for some reason. Therefore, medicine startes full time again. I'm excited about having another cat though, and it's a cool cat. It's name is Sadie, which I don't exactly like, but it's too late to change it now. It's a tortise shell cat, which is what Roxy (late cat) was, so that actually really depresses me, but Sadie has more white than Roxy did.
Aaaaaanyway. I'm cold. Ashley's here.... again. I love her to death, but omfg. I'm used to the house by myself. She won't let me turn on any lights and she just curls up on the couch with blankets and doesn't clean up after herself = me hiring Slayer to take care of this mess.
I have my Biology final tonight. I'm so fucking worried about it too. I also have my English final, but fuck that shit, I have to get up and play a song, and say why I chose it, and why it's "special" to me. Gag. I did think it would be amusing if I did "Rose" by Westlife, and learned the little hand motion thing from Napoleon Dynamite. That would have fucking cracked me up. However, I did not. Unfortunately.... shit, the more I think about it, the more I want too though, so I might change this, and do it afterall.
We're supposed to get some more tonados and shit, which is just fucking grand. We got lucky the first time and didn't get anything more than a shit ton of rain, some hail, and some crazy wind that killed a few trees in the back yard. We got way lucky imho. Far too many people I know lost their houses and a few lost their lives, and that's effing scary. I'm pretty much done with storms, so they can just go away now plz. kthx.
I will be so happy when this week is over with. I'm way too tired, and I need to sleep in but I can't. At least not until finals are over and I'm done babysitting, and that won't be over with until either Thursday or Friday morning, depending on if Adam (the father) gets Friday off.
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duckie
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2008 13 May :: 8.15am
Here you go, Bill
It's not all sappy and romantic, but not necessarily full of emo either.
It's Tuesday, and I'm in a really bad fucking mood. I had to close last night, so I finally got home around quarter to 10 and then tossed and turned all.night.long. I can tell that the best sleep I got all night long was the half hour before Pj left for work and the 2 hours after he left. I'm fairly certain that is all the sleep that I got throughout the night.
I'm exhausted.
My muscles feel weak and shaky.
My eyes are heavy as fuck.
And I'm ready to stab every single person that tells me to fucking smile or asks me what's wrong.
It doesn't help that my hate for Best Buy has grown progressively and continues to grow with every step I take into that god-awful store. I'm on the border of not caring anymore. I can't even make it through an entire shift without getting the 'I don't give a fuck mood.'
And with that, I'm going to go throw a knife into my purse and commence the stabbage while I struggle to stay awake.
Yay for moving this weekend though. And for teh kitten!
gdi ily sfm sh <3
2 Thoughts |
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tabletop
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2008 13 May :: 5.07am
So I'm pretty much the best hold-em player in the world. Just so you know.
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skife
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2008 12 May :: 10.20pm
am i the only one that finds a kid getting hit by a train funny.
i mean serious, its not like the train was "on a rampage" or steered into the kid.
he was walking on the tracks.
he deserved to get squished.
/rant
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butterfly
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2008 12 May :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Everybody - Keith Urban
I feel like something in my life is off... some small little piece, or even a large part. I don't know, it's very disconcerting though.
Honestly, I could just be psyching myself out about going to Michigan. I always do this. I did it with Karl... I did it when I was going to start school at Ferris, when I was going to move up after Christmas. I just... I'm scared. And that's hard for me to admit because I don't like to admit weakness, but honestly I am scared to death. I'm scared that anything and everything can go wrong, and I'm not going to go into details because there are far too many.
It's not that I don't think myself ready for this; I love Kelly and I am ready to start my life with him. I'm tired of being away from him, it's hard too hard and it's thoroughly depressing.
However, I am scared to leave here. This is the only place I've ever known. All of my family is here, and as much as we fight, we're close. Ashley is my best friend and as ready as I am to leave, I don't want to leave her. Or Taylor, or Trevor, or my dad or even my psychotic, bipolar mother. Or my grandparents. I mean, I will, obviously, I love Kelly too much to back out of this, but... I just hope he understands how hard this is for me. It's not that I'm wanting outright awe and praise, I just want him to understand that it's not that I'm reluctant to be with him, I'm simply reluctant to leave all of my family and friends behind. People who have been with me through everything.
I kind of feel like he's moving on and I'm getting stuck behind. I'm not convinced it's anything he's doing per say, but he and pJ and Mandie are moving out, getting an apartment, getting furniture and appliances and stuff, and I'm not there to help out and pick stuff out, and be excited about it. I want to be there. I want to be a part of it, but because I'm not there I'm not. We're living two completely seperate lives and that fact is really getting to me lately. I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do about it either; I just have to live with it. Only it's not really something I'm comfortable living with, but I don't see a way around it.
All of my friends are getting married, moving in together, planning their lives, and I'm not. I'm here and though I have a boyfriend, I don't get to hear his voice every night, feel his touch, and just be with him. It's hard to be happy for any reason when that weighs on my mind so often.
I know it's coming, I'll be up there this summer for awhile, and then either he'll come here for Christmas or I'll go up there if we have the money, which fortunately we do always seem to find a way, and then another semester and I'll be done with school and up there.
Confusingly, it's just as exciting to think about as it is daunting.
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duckie
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2008 12 May :: 2.33pm
Oh, and by the way
You know you have an amazing boyfriend when he says "pay attention to this song," and it turns out to be Van Halen's You Really Got Me.
I fucking love this boy.
Kthx =D
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duckie
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2008 12 May :: 9.43am
What a weekend
I wasn't expecting to get to Waukesha on Friday until close to 7pm, but Pj surprised me by walking through our bed room door a few minutes after 8am. Those mornings are always the best because I love getting to spend all day with him. Soo I got up, we finished packing, headed off for breakfast, the bank, and MC. We were on the road by 1030 and made it there around 3pm CST.
The first person to meet him was my dad. It went surprisingly well, and my dad really opened up about his family, talked a bit about Vietnam, and pretty much shocked the shit out of me in the process. They seemed to get along quite well which was pleasing.
After dinner, my dad decided to bring up Shawn, and I knew it wasn't going to end well. I ended up calling Shawn to inquire about the divorce papers, and I called because texting about the situation would take forever, and I didn't have that kind of time. I ended up getting really annoyed with him because his tone of voice on the phone was full of "I don't give a fuck," which doesn't fly with me especially when it comes to something as serious as divorce. He insulted me, called me stupid, and told me that I did things half assed because I miss counted something when adding up either our bills or our belongings. I hung up on him, and I cried. I cried a lot. I even ran downstairs away from my parents and Pj to do it because I wasn't exactly sure what else to do. Honestly, I was surprised that Pj didn't come after me, and a part of me thinks that my father told him not to. I wanted him to come after me, to hold me, hug me, kiss my forehead and tell me not to let him get to me, but I can't change that now.
When I finally went back upstairs and told my dad what happened, he kind of started laughing. For the first time in my 22 years of life, I was totally straight with him, and I told him off. I told him that I didn't appreciate him making fun of me, and I told him that he was pissing me off. It felt SO good to finally have to balls to say that to him. I know how my dad can be, but I was hoping that he would be a bit more kind since I was crying, and he knew I was upset. I guess that was asking for too much though.
ANYWAY. When we left, I was in a better mood, and laughter was the ending note. We headed over to Chassa's, and it was pretty much the greatest night everrrr. I was pretty fucking trashed lol. I drunk dialed Kelly for no real reason except that I wanted to drunk dial someone, and I thought he would still be up. Pj was ridiculously amazing, and everyone LOVED him. He was social, he never got crabby, or at least not outwardly where people could see it, and he didn't make me feel like I was immature for getting trashed with my best friend. He drove me home, and the drive I don't really remember, and when we got back and got settled into bed, I cried. I cried and I poured my whole heart out to him which still feels really really good.
Since then, it feels like things have changed for the better. I'm not implying that things were ever NOT good, but sometimes when you have heart to hearts, things can become clear, and you just have an all around better understanding. I told him things that I never thought I would, and at the end of it all, I told him that I loved him so much, and he wrapped his arms around me and told me that he promised he loved me just as much as I loved him; I knew it was true. I can't even count the number of times that I heard him tell me he loves me, and it is the greatest feeling in the entire world. I am so happy.
On Saturday I decided that I wanted to kill my father. He played the embarrassment card to the max. I, again, stood up to him and told him to stop. I wanted to make sure he knew that he was pissing me off, and it wasn't to come across as a sassy little brat, it was so that he knew that I was getting pissed. It seemed to have work temporarily, and when he started it up again, I got pissed. Again.
We ended up going through an old photo album because I didn't believe that I had curly hair as a kid, and I still don't think of it as "curly." It was wavy. I was such a cute kid though haha =] I was either still drunk or slightly hung over, and I felt wrecked in the morning, so we ended up going back to bed around 11, and didn't get up until nearly 2pm. The nap was much needed and felt fucking amazing. There are days when I'm certain I could spend all day wrapped up in his arms, and Saturday was definitely one of them.
After teh nap, we did a little bit of shopping to get stuff for our new apartment [YAY!!!!!!!!!], came back for dinner, and then headed off to see Missy. Missy, whom I haven't seen in 4 years. I almost died. When she walked out of her door, her eyes were all red, and I knew she was going to cry which immediately made me cry. After everything that we've been through, she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around me and hug me. It was the best feeling ever, and it was so good to spend time with her.
We went to Gander Mountain so that Pj could look for a case for his P90, and he ended up getting a tact light since they had jack shit for cases. Aaand after that, we headed back to Missy's to play Life. We played Life. How random is that? It was a ton of fun though, and it felt like we didn't miss a beat between then and high school. I have missed her so much, and I can't wait to see her again.
Sunday Dad cooked breakfast for Mom and us since it was Mother's Day. It was nice, and after breakfast I guess my parents got into it. Dad went and moped in his room, and we left around 10am because of it.
All in all it was a pretty good weekend, and I'm pleased with how it went. I'm glad that my Dad was comfortable enough to open up to Pj; that's HUGE. I wish that he would have been a little more tasteful, but whatever, I guess. Hopefully it's out of his system now, and next time we go visit he can just be normal. I'm pretty sure my mom liked him too which I'm also happy about =] And my friends loved him. So yay. Yay for a good weekend, but boo for being back to real life =[
ilmshsfm =D <3
10 Thoughts |
Drop off a thought
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eddy
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2008 12 May :: 9.06am
Hehe, so I finally did it. I handed in my crap to the Nazi on Friday morning, and it felt sooooo wonderful. So as of now, I have a ton of free time. =] Until I find a new job that is. So if you want to hang out, call me! And I will probably be calling some of you as well. =]
1 Thought |
Drop off a thought
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skife
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2008 10 May :: 9.45pm
Chicago may 16th at 8pm midway airport.
I'll be there.
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Drop off a thought
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butterfly
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2008 8 May :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
Happiness!
I used to have this pretty intense affair with the computer in which I am currently on at school because it had Windows Live Messenger on it. I basically wanted to hump it like crazy.
However, I have now ended the affair because it never works anymore. It refuses to let me on WLM and for that I am very disappointed in it. Therefore, Meebo is my friend again during my time at school. I guess I should have always loved Meebo, because it is always there for me. It was there for me during high school... it's here for me now... Pretty damn good thing imo.
Anyway, I have the following shit to get done:
Study.
Yeah, that's about it. I have a take home final to complete for Personal Finance this weekend, a final for english and biology on Tuesday, and then the remainder of my final for literature on Wednesday. After that, I am effing done with this place until next fall.
I don't know if I'm going to get my 4.0 gpa, however, because I kind of slacked off in my finance class. It was ridiculous time consuming work and at the time I was just like "omg eff this." Now I'm kind of regretting that. Hopefully I do AMAZINGLY well on the final, I mean, I do have my book for it and everything, so that really shouldn't be an issue.
Keep your fingers crossed for me on that one. kthx.
Other than that, I've talked to Kelly and I'm ecstatic about that shit. I love him. He is like the funniest man I've ever known, along with the cutest, and sweetest. Plus... he's got quite possibly the cutest ass ever. Just sayin...
Apparently he, pJ, and Slayer are planning on moving out next weekend. I wish I was there to get settled in the place with them. I'm actually really upset about that. Like.... REALLY. I want to just up and move now, but I don't have a car or the money to do such a daring deed. However, if I were to rob a bank, I would so do it. I would be like "eff my stuff" and just leave all my amazing books and movies (huge parts of my life fyi) and just cram as many clothes in my suitcases as humanly possible, jump on a plane and be fucking GONE.
Enter reality... probably not happening. Plus, I want Kell to meet my family. It's far beyond time he does that. They're not the greatest in the world, but they're part of me and an astronomical part of my life. As much as I complain about them, I love them all. Plus, I enjoyed meeting his family more than he'll ever know. They treated me wonderfully and I love all of them as though they were my own. I even love the hell out of Gus and I'm not even a dog person. It's craziness what love can do to you. But oh how I love him =]
Drop off a thought
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duckie
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2008 8 May :: 8.25pm
This is for you. For us.
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Do you have any idea how amazing you are and how much I love you?
I feel like my whole relationship with you thus far has been compiled of "moments."
Moments when I smile that infamous douche bag smile because once again, you surprise me with how well you read me and how well you know my mannerisms.
Moments when I look over at you and smile inwardly because of how ridiculously lucky I am, wondering how I manage to hold your heart[s] in the palms of my hands day after day.
The real moments come at the best time of the day, and I know you know when that is. The contentment, the security, the memorable laughter all rolled up into a mind blowing 30 minutes that make me fall asleep every night and wake up every morning with a soft smile.
That's the kicker; that's when I know that I'm in this for keeps.
For the first time in my life.. "perfect" feels good, and I'm not trying to taint it.
Waukesha/Chassa tomorrow!!!!! I can't wait. Pj was kind enough to tease me and say "24 hours," which he was apparently waiting to say to me all day long. Ridiculously sweet, imo.
I am falling more and more in love with photography each and every day, and to indulge myself in even more knowledge and camera-y goodness, I am going to be training in digital imaging at Best Buy. Hopefully that will become my new home since operations is full of douche.
Anddd TWL match, so. Good night =]
7 Thoughts |
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skife
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2008 7 May :: 4.49pm
circut city update...
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butterfly
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2008 7 May :: 2.52pm
Gah!
>.<
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skife
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2008 7 May :: 12.17pm
okay, here we are, the whole store of texas.
day 1: I arrive at the airport around 2ish, erin is there to pick me up, we go to the A's(aaron and amy's) apartment where we will be staying the next month. erin had to go to work, so i just stayed there and took a nap till she got home. also she bought me whataburger, wich is fucking delicious. erin gets home and so do the A's and i get to meet them, they seem nice.
day 2: I wake up to Amy making breakfest, french toast, bacon and orange juice, mmmmm, it was delicious. after breakfest i don't really remember much, i had some time to kill that day, we probably played GTA IV all after noon until i got to go and meet erin's dad (dan) who is pretty cool, he bought us dinner for erin's birthday, real nice guy and stuff.
day 3: wake up, amy is cooking yet again, this time its eggs and bacon and toast mmmm, we end up going swimming in the "luxury" pool at the apartment that day, i got burnt pretty badly, i'm finally getting "settled in" i guess, that night we head to erin's mom's house, i meet her mom (heidi) and her stepdad (james) and they are both pretty cool.
day 4: nothing eciting this day at all, shit is starting to get rocky with amy, the a's and erin have a funeral to go to, so i'm by myself in the apartment, i hang out all day, play some GTA IV and steal some internet from the neighbors.
day 5: this is where the shit hits the fan, nothing eventful happed during the day, me and erin are hanging out and messing around that night, the A's are gone at destin's house and erin sends amy a text messag saying "let us know when your on your way home" just to be curtious and shit, amy then freaks out and starts bitching about how its her apartment and we should have more respect for her and shit like that, i thought it was curtious and very respectful but whatever, anyways, erin and amy get into a text messaging fight, to much drama, about 12:30 midnightish erin calls her dad and he says we can stay there for a couple of days. we pack all our shit up and leave, left most of the stuff we bought for the apartment there just to be friendly because we used some of their stuff. again being curtious.
Day 6: erin and amy get into yet another text messaging fight and erin wants some of our money back, we paid $350 total to stay there for a month and we're there for 5 days, i do the math and $295 is about right for us to get back, amy freaks out and says we arn't getting a dime back.
.... cunt we also find out that we can't stay at erin's dad house for much longer either. so we might stay at erin's mom's if we can or i might head to chicago or something, i don't know yet.
6 Thoughts |
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skife
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2008 6 May :: 5.26pm
everyone was right, maybe i can't make it this far from home.
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