2006 20 March :: 12.47 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: none.
well, a lot of things have changed since i last updated, which isn't suprising.. since i don't do that very often.
steve and i = nothing. i was upset at first, thought.."Yeah, we'll be friends, that's cool. I got fucked over." but now I'm just like.. this doesn't even bother me. He hasn't changed his status on MySpace or took me off of #1, so that makes me wonder, but more or less he just hasn't paid attention to it. I have to agree with him, we moved extremely fast. I fell fast. As I think about it.. yes, I cared about him.. but I'm glad that it didn't work out. I'm glad I got to see that you need to move slow and make sure you're doing things right. Also, trusting the person. The weird and also shady thing about it was, his friends or sister, whom he's very close to, knew nothing. SOMETHING happened, but it just doesn't matter. Justin and I are coming to a close, which makes me happy. It's weird, but I'm not even interested in relationships at this point; to set it out there point blank, I just don't give a shit.
Graduation's apporoaching soon, which is a huge crock, because I'm not even sure if I'm able to participate. Pennsylvania's Board of Education can suck a fat one. PSSAs = gay. I start my "class" at CalU on Wednesday, basically, you need to attend them to get a certificate that allows you to participate in the Nursing course. I may ask my mom to go, since financial aid topics are being brought up. I want my dad to go. I miss him.
I should definitely write more, it feels very nice to vent. Extremely nice.
The family? Ha. What a joke. My mom's going on week #2 not speaking to me. I could care less, I like it, actually. Less bitching. She just expects me to drop my life for Allison and it's not happening anymore. Selfish, maybe, but tired and fed up is more like it. I miss my Dad. A lot. I hope when things do blow over, he'll change. I know he won't, but i wish that one last strand of hope that I do have for him recooperating will pull through. It's just so frustrating. Like.. I want a normal life. Where, your Dad and Mother are nagging the FUCK out of you to do this.. and that.. where they push you, motivate you. Where you can actually say, "My parents are my heros". Someone to buy you your first car, have "THE TALK" with.. teach you how to drive, etc. All the listed above, I haven't done / received a thing. I want to forgive them, stop bitching about it.. but I just can't. That frustrates me. Believe me, I'm doing, "Okay" as a child.. but I just want the normal. Everyone growing up was like, "Wow, your mom's cool, she lets you do whatever." or, "That's so cool that you have two houses, two Christmases", but the strange thing was, I've always longed for that normalacy (is that a word?). I know for a fact my sister has. I wish things could be better with us, too. We always fight. We're close.. but I want us to be extremely close.
I don't know, enough complaining, enough venting. Enough dramatic rambling.. I'm just keeping to myself.
3 coooters |