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munkysaurus

:: 2014 19 September :: 10.59pm

Against the laws of nature, the wings regrow!
Darwin, what was he thinking, writing such a thing as evolution! Noticing adaptation. The environment molding the organism!
What does Darwing think of love?! Is it austere, cold and calculating?
Love is a broad term if you think about it. It should be re-examined by a comity to be subjugated and redefined.
Even in science they allow the anomaly, the thing that redefines.
Mr. J, the world! The world is mine, I inherited it when I was born. Noone realizes this. It's mine, shortly, but I own a share; a portion.
And so, I will not be a product of my environment, but a shaper of the environment around me.
The river was cold, the travel was destitute and soggy, and scary.
But I decided when to fight against the current and swim towards shore.
My muscles burned, my perilous fall; shattering. But I swam, and I swim, and swim.
And the sun is warming on the shore. Now, where to go from here?
No time for a fire, I'll set this goddamn shore on fire with ambition.
Mr J., you understand! You've kept going all these years. Stay going.

Stay going!

You're still ravashing, Mr J., a looker if there ever was one. A roman statue.

- Me

burn your bindle


tuwang

:: 2014 1 July :: 3.02am

I will start this post by pointing out that I typed in my username and password for woohu without flinching even though it's been saved in my computer for 5 years (just built a new PC). I think that says something.

me references will be in italics. ;)

I will continue by saying that I miss me. I'm not entirely sure I know what me is anymore, but I'm pretty sure I miss it. As a disclaimer I will say that none of this is meant to be sad or foreboding in three at all. Just a rant.

I have this notion that any sense of self I had is gone with all the hobbies I used to have.

I understand that being 27 it is a totally normal thing to be unsure of direction and/or choice, what the fuck am I doing?

I had all these plans to do these big things (that weren't one-hundred percent attainable) and now here I am, a cog in the machine.

If I'm going to live in these conditions, I wish I was a teacher at least. At least then I might have the comfort of knowing I'm doing something for the future and our youth whether or not they give a shit (and usually I can't blame them if not).

I reflect sometimes and honestly feel like it's deserved. I've done many things that have warranted my conundrum. So self deprecating I is.

But then there's the other side. Considering I'm with a mother who's in a perpetual mental breakdown and a father who will hate you if the wind changes direction: I'm alive, I eat, I drink, I'm typing on a computer; things can't be that bad.

I almost blame my raising. The raising involving America being the best and being privileged just to be involved. I don't think it's the same anymore. We're not the best. I will soon be a part of a motion picture that someone in Sweden will watch and say "man, I'm glad I live here and not there regardless of how entertaining this drama is". Does that make sense? Basically I have a notion that we will soon be portrayed as less than first world. Not that less than first world is less than anything but... whatever this isn't the point.

My point is all I do is reminisce. I reminisce about times when I didn't have to think so much. I reminisce about the people who made thinking optional at most. I reminisce about love gone, love I wasted, love I should have valued. I was so carefree I felt like love was water; the most abundant of resources.

Now I'm aware; and too much so. I have a perspective of things I've done, things I'm doing, and things I will do. This is equal parts frustrating and enlightening. Equal parts "I want to apologize to everyone" and "want to stand my ground". If I hadn't made the shitty choices I've made in the past, I wouldn't be so enlightened but I wish I could go back and at the least prevent them or remake them.

I've been told by some of the people I love most that I'm not good enough for anything that is normal a lot of my life, when I was young and still today, and this has been the basis of my relationships since I was a tweenager (this is the only word in this post with a red scribble underneath it as I'm typing and I'm proud of that). I shouldn't have said that because now another mistake will be pointed out.

With this said, All i want is to know what I want. I want to know what is wantable. Is there something I should want? Want want want. Need Need Need.

That is all for tonight. Again, just a rant. Have a good night.

1 bindle | burn your bindle


tuwang

:: 2014 6 June :: 12.09pm

Hi woohu. How have you been?

3 bindles | burn your bindle


holiday

:: 2014 5 May :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: melancholy

Well hey there...
I can't believe I remembered my password. It's been a long time.

I'm really excited this is still here, even if I find most of my posts to be annoying. I'm still glad.

Life is... an everyday struggle, trying to keep your head above the water...

2 bindles | burn your bindle


munkysaurus

:: 2014 27 April :: 10.38pm

The difference isn't all that different, it's perception that's being percieved...
You like that title, Mr. J?

Mr. J, I gotta let you in on something.

Here's the thing, you sitting down? We're all scared. There, I said it. However, the thing I've seen is some people use these tools they've built, or acquired. Tenacity and integrity. Those aren't the only ones. But the good ones. And I mean good--like good and evil.

I can state this claim surely.

That fear, that's a driving force I've discovered. For lots of things, maybe everything! The fear is what turns the tide, what shifts the thought, the mind.

I've seen a lot of things, but I'm going to state the appalling thing is what drives most people. Not to stand against this force that is obviously so easily circumvented if a person were to only use a little effort.

Fear, fear, fear. Say it with me. It's causes things to stop, or to never have started with no real logical explanation or reason.

I think I speak for all of us when I say with utmost courtesy: FUCK YOU FEAR!!!

Having said that: I have to say that if I see those who succumb so easily to this feeble creature, this noun that shouldn't be such, I immediately think less of a person. I like to see people face that fucker and ascend what really is a very trivial and stupid thing.

....

Mr. J,

I thought about going back to Ms. E. but I don't think that's an option. She has some things to sort out, and they're things that are more of a self-revelation that something someone who loves her can help her with. The only person who can rise above it is her. It breaks my heart at the thought of cutting her loose but unfortunately I have to do it. Otherwise, I'm marooned on Big-Heart Island waiting for a ticket on a boat that no one knows the name of, which the itinerary has washed away, and sun never sets. Marooned.
So, goodbye for now, or maybe forever, Ms. E. There's things I'll always cherish. That sounds very normal, but I promise you that she was so close. So very close, by the hairs on my fucking chin.
alksjafls

Well, to bed, or to the printed word, or to the flickering screen back lighting the racing thoughts in your brain. You understanding son of bitch.

Peace, for us all if you could. To bring comfort or release to those around the world who need it. Did nature, or God(s), or whoever created us contemplate the horrible nature of being such a conscious species would entail?

Adieu, mon ami.

burn your bindle


munkysaurus

:: 2013 15 December :: 11.08pm

Desolation is a lonely place.

You can describe in prose, and use words to shape it.

But, just like a cold breeze, you'll never feel the full effect unless you're right there in the moment.

Even for a moment; a cold breeze feels like the end of it all.

burn your bindle


munkysaurus

:: 2013 3 December :: 11.45pm

The way out is through, but I can't get through.

1 bindle | burn your bindle


munkysaurus

:: 2013 24 November :: 2.56pm

It doesn't matter what's my name.
I don't seek fame.
Eye seek your lobe.
May I probe
your brain? Penny
for your thoughts? Any
way you'd let me in?
I could show you then.
Let's combine our synapses, our souls, our beauty.
Let's bring this planet up or down, it's our duty.
But, we can only be one.
Either way, we'll have won.

burn your bindle


munkysaurus

:: 2013 23 November :: 4.50pm

You're probably reading this thinking,
"Omg, what is this guy all about?"
But, I'm sure some of this is sinking.
Because both our lives have reached a drought.

Not the kind that involves water, mind you.
Not the kind that makes your crops shrivel.
The sort that regards groups of two.
That want to be enlightened in the world's drivel.

Enlightened in a clicky sort of way.
The way fingers fit in between each other.
Like the colorful leaves on an autumn day.
Fall from the same branch, and lay on top one another.

So, before you go off, seeking more.
Know, that I know that you're here for the same reason.
You're looking for a word, like adore, or paramour.
The one that stands true regardless of the season.

Love.

burn your bindle


munkysaurus

:: 2013 21 November :: 6.55pm

The glory is all used up, use what's left...
Hey, you, you're still here? I'm glad, because you're beautiful, digital face overwhelms me with joy and memory. The glory, it's been used, it has holes and there's plenty of new ones sitting on the shelf. But, I'm not ready to open those packages.
Look, I remember the smiling faces, the aspirations, and the hopes and dreams. They rest with you.
What takes place when the glory is used up? Glory: an adolescent thing by nature.
Duty? Maybe?
Mr. J., I'm gonna let you in. I was let go from my job. But, it was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Because I relinquished, and then the old me came back and embraced me. And it wasn't glory I felt, but possibly...duty.
I'll let you decide. You mull it over.
Yeah, I know, you can't stay long. For now, bonne soir monsieur, vous et l'amore de la mon vie. Parce que, vous exitez.
To the memory of the smiles of the people who meant the most to me but didn't know it. To Vivers and Teresa, my goddesses. To the infant brother I helped raise. To the twenty year old me that you've chronicled and frozen in time so well. The wings are burned, but I have my legs.

- Friend

3 bindles | burn your bindle


tuwang

:: 2012 26 November :: 2.28am

so here I am

constantly basing my life on other people. Need to focus on myself.

Can't do that... hate myself. Help me.

2 bindles | burn your bindle


tuwang

:: 2012 26 March :: 1.31pm

strange argument last night.

Over the smallest thing too. Not really relationship-ending by any stretch of the imagination, but strange.

Did pass that dreaded 6 month mark, which may seem like nothing to you, but means a lot to me for many reasons. So here's to that.

1 bindle | burn your bindle


upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.48pm

K/BB

Halladay
Haren
Lee
McCarthy
Kershaw
Grienke
Hamels
Velander
Tomlin
Bumgarner

burn your bindle


upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.46pm

K/9

Grienke
Morrow
Kershaw
Sanchez
Lee
Lincecum
Pineda
Gallardo
Verlander
Garza

burn your bindle


upchuck

:: 2012 27 February :: 8.42pm

OPS

Bautista
Cabrera
Braun
Kemp
Fielder
Berkman
Gonzalez
Ortiz
Votto
Ellsbury

burn your bindle

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