don't it always seem to go that you don't kno what you got till it's gone*


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:: 2004 19 September :: 8.15pm

Hey y`aLL!! I just wanted to drop in `cause I came here to get something I had saved to a private entry & thought I might as weLL make one.. Mmm, anyways, how`s life treatin` ya? Mine is amazing; I`m honestLy happy & I`m loving it. I`m so thankfuL for my baby, my family, & Justin`s famiLy! I`m on top of the worLd right now & I reaLLy don`t wanna come down. Of course, I`m having quite a few BAD days because I`m just not one for schooL, so I just live for the weekends & then never want them to end! Uhhm, I`m deaLing with those bad days though & life is fab. I spend every waking & sLeeping moment possibLe with Justin. He`s stayed the night here a coupLe of times & the we stay the night other pLaces together too. He hasn`t had to work the past 3 Saturday`s & it`s been so great, but it starts back up this weekend. He work Wednesday through Sunday this week!! =l He has Monday & Tuesday off & I have games on b0TH of those days!! Yeah, voLLeybaLL is going fab too. I`m a starter & I pLay m0st aLL the time.. I`d actuaLLy like to come out a lot more than I do! Mm, yeah, weLL this was just a reaLLy quick update, but I`m gonna go. <3 &hearts



:: 2004 25 July :: 7.29pm

Oooof course, Justin is at work, again. Buut, he does have Monday & Tuesday off, so that`s good. Uhhm; then he works Wednesday- Friday & is off Saturday & Sunday. Oh, I missed 2 parties last night! Yep, my aunt had a kegger, but figured I was at the races. Damnit; & Britt called, but I never called her back & she was wantin` me to go to a party. It would have been drinkin` & gettin` high; I just want to PARTY. I was so pissed when I found out I missed TW0 parties. So, I told Justin; I`m partying next weekend. Hopefully, there will be a party Saturday night, so we can go together. Either way, I WILL party. It`s been like, a M0NTH since the last time I partied. & That sucks. Buut, anyways, my M0M is still at work at 6:30pm. on a SUNDAY. Yes, her work sucks my ass. & I`m bored. I`m out. <3



:: 2004 24 July :: 10.58pm

* ' Dear A;
Dear A;

Baby, don`t cry. It isn`t worth it & you know it`s better off this way. It`s been almost 2 months & we talked for only the second or third time yesterday. You are doing a lot worse that I expected, honestly. I want to scream at you, that you deserve this; you deserve to be unhappy, for everything you put me through. For leaving me twice & being so god damn hard on me, but I won`t. Because, you do deserve to be happy. I honestly didn`t think you would miss me though. Because honestly, I know we always said, "Baby, it takes two to tango." but I do see most of this as your fault. & Maybe that`s just my way to get past everything, but I do. The way I see it; if you would have never left me once, we would have been okay. Not that I wish we could go back; as you already know; I`m happier than I`ve ever been. & I know it hurts you to see me this happy; with anyone that isn`t you. & I just want to scream at you & tell you to get over it. That`s what you would always tell me "get over it" It`s your turn now; grow up; & get over it. I know this may seem harsh coming from me, but you do need to hear it from someone. I`m not coming back & I know you made it a point to tell me that "you weren`t telling me any of that because you wanted me back" but I also could still tell you had that little piece of hope left. Well, you get let that hope fall to the ground & shatter, because I will never go back to you. I`m not totally sure if you were giving me the guilt trip, but it sure as hell felt like it. You said you missed me & still wished I would have had your child; baby, that didn`t happen, so let it go. You think that maybe that would have changed something; I`m glad it didn`t. As much as you told me, I brought YOU down, YOU brought me down. A LOT. & Your god damn family. I despise those people as much as I do anyone. They think they are so much better than everyone, but they have got to be the W0RST people I`ve ever met. & I`m sorry to put them down like that, but I`m entitled to MY opinion, especially after the way they treated ME. & I tried with everything I had to make it work with them.. & The fact that they wouldn`t meet me half-way makes me hate them EVEN more. FUCK THEM. EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM. & The bad thing is, I fucking mean that. And honestly, I hope to hell you turn out like your DAD`S side of them family. & If you don`t; I feel sorry for the woman that decides to put up with you & your family. A; don`t become them. Please. & About the whole 32 YEAR OLD, CULPEPPER; I D0 think you deserved that! You knew exactly what the hell you were getting into. & It didn`t stop you. & The fact that she doesn`t care enough to stay away from you, well; that shows ME something. I mean, yeah, that`s great that she makes you happy or whatever; but does she see what she`s DOING to you?? Hmm? You aren`t fucking happy right now. & does she realize everything she`s putting on the line? For you & her? So, what the hell do your lovely parents think about that? Hmm, they probably don`t even know, do they? Well, I hope they find out. Just because how you let them do me; you deserve it. & I know this isn`t turning out the way I intended & I`m being a total bitch, but you DESERVE it. God damn, I let you & your fucking family make me feel like COMPLETE SHIT for MONTHS & MONTHS; a YEAR; & I hope you get what I got. I do. & Your big dreams; you need to come back D0WN TO EARTH; it`s honestly not that bad here on Earth; you should visit us down here.. =) Because you are just setting yourself up to be LET D0WN. Things are not always going to go YOUR way.. & It`s just going to hurt even worse because your head is up in he clouds. Alright? I just could go 0N & 0N about you, but I`m sure I`ve made you feel even worse. Just a little bit of advice though; if you`ll get so damn pissed at me & blame everything that happened on ME; you`ll feel a lot better about yourself. Baby, you don`t have to let me go, because I`m already gone.


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