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godessalthena

:: 2019 20 February :: 6.37am

each of our hearts contain reminants of super Nova
each of us has a yearning to be part of something greater than the whole
each of us are alone burning out our fires
until we, too, erupt into bright fireworks of destruction

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2019 12 February :: 6.17am

where did all my ambition go? why does a career change terrify me so much?

I hate the company I work for, but I make a buttload of money doing something I could literally do in my sleep. and occasionally I get to really help people, which is the best and most rewarding part of the job.

I try to frame it positively, I try to be thankful I have a job that does give me a full time consistent schedule, with good wage, ok benefits, and I literally only have to go into the physical office 1 time a month. in the big scheme of things I'm very fortunate... so why do I feel so empty inside?

is it just because it's a job? or is it because every other year i give 120% and then get reduced to the same number I got when I gave 60%... I get disheartened. I want to be challenged, I need an occasion to rise to. otherwise I just coast. but my current boss sucks at employee development, she's new, it's ok.

I just hate insurance. I hate corporate America. I hate big business and big money. i spend a third of my time doing something for something I despise to my very core. maybe that's the problem.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 11 February :: 8.34pm

told my boss I wanted a 12/15 this year

she basically told me to dream on...

it's fucking rigged and I know it is. my blood is boiling. what's the point? what's the fucking point.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 9 February :: 11.02pm

all the bars we go to play 90s

either youngsters come here to feel older than they are or cuz they are hipsters

and people in their 30$ are who are being pandered to.

growing up sucks

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godessalthena

:: 2019 6 February :: 11.26am

FUCK OSPEs

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godessalthena

:: 2019 30 January :: 4.34pm

sweetie, all I want is for you to go out of your way to be sweet to me when my whole world feels like it's falling.

I just want to see you care. hearing it isn't enough. talk is cheap.

I just need extra sugar today.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 30 January :: 7.57am

https://youtu.be/LHCob76kigA

this song strikes a raw chord
I'm lost, no dreams of my own
everything is scary, so far out of reach
I'm lonely in my heart, and honestly....

I have abandoned hope it ever filling the gaping hole where my soul used to be

I am an empty husk. I turned 30 and after hoping all thru my twenties that 30 would magically make this better, I feel just as lost and empty as ever. I'm confused, I'm tired, I'm trying, I keep going, but why...

what's this all for anyway.. if you don't have kids you are lost to time, if you do you are lost in 1-2 generations, but what does any of that matter when humans are going to destroy this planet and go extinct just like everything else that fights the natural order as much as we do.

I just need to be held, I want to just feel less alone.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 29 January :: 7.34pm

can life just be over? I'm fucking sick of feeling.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 27 January :: 1.21pm

remember: you can't hug your children with nuclear arms

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godessalthena

:: 2019 24 January :: 10.42am

this is just too much

everything is pressing down on me

I can't breathe

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me

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