*real eyez.... realize...real liez*

2 days left til *16*..yay
LadiePerfection/Taylor Duzer: yeah whatever because u kno u cant resist his sexin.
all he gotta do it not give u any for 2 weeks
and u will b runnin to have his babies. "give it to me daddy!"



I vow to never break your heart, I'll never let you down, for better or worse,
I'll always be around

 

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So I'm spoiled & I'm rotten in a sinister way

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godessalthena

:: 2017 2 October :: 9.34am

i was hoping that a sleep would help get rid of this empty hollow feeling deep inside

but how can sleep help with horrible things when horrible things happen whilst there?



i don't want to live here any longer. maybe all those celebrities died last year because they knew what was coming.

please someone stop this crazy ride, i want to get off.

2 ooh* | no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 1 October :: 9.38am
:: Mood: crushed

i have a big old heart of stone today.

i fucking hate you sometimes. i don't know why im still holding onto a friendship that burned hot and then burned out so quickly. maybe i don't want to accept the fact that i was just a tool in your life, a means to an end that was ultimately inconsequential to you. yeah you still occasionally compliment me, but i don't care how "beautiful" or "remarkable" you say i am, i know you are just.blowing smoke.

maybe if instead of bailing on all the plans we make, scheduling me for 2 weeks in advance to hang out and then "forgetting" even though i reminded you the day before, maybe if you actually once asked ME how I am doing rather than just talk about your life and problems.

i am happy you took a step to make yourself happy and are now living the life you always wanted. i wish you would just let me know because i know you don't even like me. you only love me conditionally when it can get you something you want.

you even told me you loved me once, and that you would be with me. and that was a lie to put a collar on my hearts it still hurts. it cut me like a dog forgotten tied to a tree.

it just fucking kills me. i miss you, and yet i hate you.

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 29 September :: 11.12pm

i understand your sadness so i guess i should hold my tongue

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 25 September :: 8.18pm

juanjolio got a bearded dragon and named him hobbs

he's light tan and when he wants out of his enclosure he goes super pale and makes his throat black and tries to get out

he didn't like me at first but i think now he likes me a lot

he found hobbs on craigslist for free some little punks couldn't give him the time, he came with a bum eye but it's getting better

he's so mad right now, too. he's a grumpy guy sometimes.

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 23 September :: 8.15am

nothing feels good
nothing is fun
my job sucks away all my joy
all my time
all my ambition

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 22 September :: 12.29pm

someone hurry up and murder me

suicide is too scary

and i want off this fucking ride

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 21 September :: 5.50pm

i swear to christ if you fucking tell me "let's not make this a thing" im going to fucking scream

1. i will make a "thing" out of whatever i feel is important enough to make a "thing" of.

2. me offering to be nice is not me making a "thing" out of the situation

3. fuck off

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 11 September :: 11.36pm

best things about being an adult:

1. pets
2. hotels
3. driving your own car

2 ooh* | no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 30 August :: 2.02pm

it feels like i can't ever do anything right

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 29 August :: 10.27pm

in all honesty i probably am too hard on myself. i'm not even 30 yet, halfway to making 6 figure salary. i get 150 hours off a year and in 3 years it goes up to 180. im doing better than the average person my age i think?

so i don't have a house. so i don't have a kid. there's no rush to make those decisions even now. like everyone else i do have a lot of debt, like a revolving door. and yes credit cards get me in a little trouble but not like before.

i need to stop bullying myself over not being good enough compared to other people. i am good enough because my heart is large and i love and am loved. i an generous and i try to be there for my friends, even if there's static going on. i am not perfect and i do become self centered at times, but that is part of loving yourself.

itll be okay. the future is yet to be seen. hopefully the craziness that is our world right now settles and i can stop feeling completely out of control and pessimistic. i hate what america is doing right now, caving in on itself. it's terrifying what might come, but then again, what generation HASN'T felt that way?

so much stress.

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 29 August :: 7.08pm

after 5 years of persistent hard work and dedication

i have finally achieved a goal i never thought possible

I JUST BLEW MY FIRST INTENTIONAL PERFECT SMOKE RING!!!!
omg omg omg

is like to thank marihuana cigarettes for making this all finally come true

through the sweet ganja goddess
all things are possible

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 26 August :: 9.04pm

feeling left behind or left out

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 23 August :: 5.21pm

starving myself hurts WAY less than feeding myself.

anorexia here i come!

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 21 August :: 5.52pm

when you have IBS is it like an every day kinda thing? or does it come and go like crohn's?

because idk if i can live every day feeling like this.

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 19 August :: 8.48am

the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that a couple people would be devastated if i stopped

but another 50 years of this? another 50 years of living the same bullshit every single day.

the sad eternal sorrow lodged deep in my heart

knowing this stone in my chest will never start beating again

i am an empty husk of a person, bland, boring, vanilla

a waste to time of space of paint

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 19 August :: 1.11am

SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 17 August :: 5.39pm

looking forward to the future exhausts me to no end
thinking of all the days marching before me
looking at all the days that have marched past me
it's too much
it isn't enough
to keep me

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 17 August :: 2.09pm

i just want to know if i got the job

so i can tell this place fuck you very much

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 9 August :: 2.11pm

ugh

no she didn't!


godessalthena

:: 2017 4 August :: 8.07pm

dabs drinks and r&b from the 2000s with friends

dreams really do come true

no she didn't!

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