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:: 2005 26 March :: 5.03 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: save a horse ride a cowboy x big and rich

life in general

i am begining to fall into a state of depression again.. usually for people they begin to sink into depression in the winter months.. but not that the spring is coming.. i feel that all the bad can melt away for everyone except myself nothing
.. like i go out with my friends and thats all fun and a good time.. but thats not leeding me to love and i think that now more than ever thats what i need right now.. i mean just watching how everyone else can so easily find it.. and me.. the more i tRy.. the more i feel muself getting PuShEd away from it, and i dont know why this is happening.. and i dont want it to happen.. but i just feel like it.. i wish just somebody would LOVE me .. and im rambeling on and on about this but i cant help it.. i dont like what this is doing to me.. i started this entry talking about winter and the forming of spring.. and it somehow turned out like this..

colors swirl in this world of black and white.. vibrant blues and oranges in the world thats all black and white..

comment if you care

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

:: 2005 23 March :: 6.30 pm

Im getting my liscence in ONE month! april 21st.. knock on wood

amanda's leaving for LAS VEGAS for her singing competition in 2 days!! woot woot

ya.. comment

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

:: 2005 20 March :: 7.05 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: laughing

talking to people
my conversation with Tracii! lol

x 6 TRACii 9 x: o0o idk
xNikkiE 435x: o0o..? couldnt oyu just say ooo or ohh
xNikkiE 435x: lmao
x 6 TRACii 9 x: no becuase im cool
xNikkiE 435x: hehe
xNikkiE 435x: NO
x 6 TRACii 9 x: haha
x 6 TRACii 9 x: SLUT
xNikkiE 435x: hhahaha SKANK ASS BITCHHHHHH
x 6 TRACii 9 x: ok are you talking?
xNikkiE 435x: ok i think i am!
xNikkiE 435x: APARENTLY i am
x 6 TRACii 9 x: who are you?
x 6 TRACii 9 x: do i know you?
x 6 TRACii 9 x: have we met?
x 6 TRACii 9 x: stop talking to me
xNikkiE 435x: my name is Nicole julie Anne Allen Cole Hand willens
xNikkiE 435x: NAACHW for short
x 6 TRACii 9 x: or as i like to call u FAGGOT for short
xNikkiE 435x: CUNT
x 6 TRACii 9 x: bitch
xNikkiE 435x: i love you
x 6 TRACii 9 x: i love you too
xNikkiE 435x: aww thanks skank

and my conversation with Dave!!!

snowboarder08642: :-\
snowboarder08642: i alomsyt got caught today
xNikkiE 435x: doing??
snowboarder08642: my dad dropped me off at his house right
snowboarder08642: and i was gunna smoke
xNikkiE 435x: ahhh.. sooo what happpend
snowboarder08642: so i got my dads smoking thing from like the 70's
xNikkiE 435x: hahhahaha
xNikkiE 435x: andddd...
snowboarder08642: and i got my trees and i was bout to smoke but i dudnt have a lighter
snowboarder08642: then i was like hmm i need to take a shit
xNikkiE 435x: .. soooo..
xNikkiE 435x: hahaha
xNikkiE 435x: thats lovely
snowboarder08642: so i brought the dougout and the baggie and the lighter into the bathroom
snowboarder08642: then my dad walks in the door
xNikkiE 435x: when your taking a shit?
snowboarder08642: yeah but he comes into the house
snowboarder08642: he was suposed to be gone for like 4 hours
xNikkiE 435x: omg!
xNikkiE 435x: so what did you do?
snowboarder08642: so if i hadent been in the bathroom with all the shit he woulda caught me
xNikkiE 435x: hahahaha
snowboarder08642: i through the stuff under thie sink and went back later and got it
xNikkiE 435x: haha thats a GREAT story
snowboarder08642: when i was in thhe bathroom and he wasnt home i was cleaning out the pipe-like thing and there was weed on the floor
snowboarder08642: and i almost lefct without cleaning it up
xNikkiE 435x: jezzzzz.. what were you thinking?
snowboarder08642: i dunnio
snowboarder08642: lol
snowboarder08642: last night
snowboarder08642: i was so high it wasnt even funny
snowboarder08642: i was smoking for like an hour straight
xNikkiE 435x: who were you smoking with?
snowboarder08642: couple of friends and joe alborgini
snowboarder08642: if you know him
xNikkiE 435x: im not sure..




:: 2005 19 March :: 8.16 pm
:: Mood: blank

with my lover T-Dawgg

Birthday:october 20th
Current Location:Natick
Eye Color:Brown
Hair Color:hmm.. reddinsh?
Right Handed or Left Handed:Leftie baby
Your Heritage:alot of things.. im a mut
The Shoes You Wore Today:sneakers
Your Weakness:love
Your Fears:being alone ..
Your Perfect Pizza:chesse and peppers
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:varsity.. but it wont happen :(
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:lol !!!!
Thoughts First Waking Up:"whats the drama gunna be today"
Your Best Physical Feature:nothing
Your Bedtime:11
Your Most Missed Memory:summer with tracii babii
Pepsi or Coke:coke w/ lime
MacDonalds or Burger King:neither
Single or Group Dates:group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:coffee coolata
Do you Smoke:uhhhmm..
Do you Swear:fuck yes
Do you Sing:not well
Do you Shower Daily:every night
Have you Been in Love:no.. i feel like i never will be
Do you want to go to College:yes
Do you want to get Married:i wish to get married
Do you belive in yourself:.........?
Do you get Motion Sickness:on busses but not in the water
Do you think you are Attractive:no..
Are you a Health Freak:no
Do you get along with your Parents:sometimes
Do you like Thunderstorms:i get scared and hide under my blanket
Do you play an Instrument:NO
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:umm.. i dont think so
In the past month have you Smoked:yea..
In the past month have you been on Drugs:.. only like perscribed shit lol..
In the past month have you gone on a Date:uhmm yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:yes like every weekend.. TANCCK.. hell yea
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:no... but now im in the mood
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:ewwe no
In the past month have you been on Stage:no
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:too cold dude
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:a piece of friut from roche brothers
Ever been Drunk:yes
Ever been called a Tease:who hasnt?
Ever been Beaten up:no.. i do that job
Ever Shoplifted:yes.. :\
How do you want to Die:quickly.. without pain
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:doctor
What country would you most like to Visit:somewhere tropical
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:brown..
Favourite Hair Color:i dont care
Short or Long Hair:short
Weight:buit but not fat
Best Clothing Style:who cares
Number of Drugs I have taken:..? im not sure
Number of CDs I own:like 45
Number of Piercings:5
Number of Tattoos:none.. but im getting one soon
Number of things in my Past I Regret:mostly 1.. but i fixed it.. T-Dawg i <3 you



:: 2005 18 March :: 12.55 pm
:: Mood: sad

thinking about love..
i was thinking about love, and no matter what i do, i can never seem to find it.. and im beginig to think i never will..

"Without love there are no dreams."

"You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it."

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

"Soft words hold more power than strong hands."

comment if you feel the same way that i do..


4 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

:: 2005 18 March :: 9.52 am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: since you've been gone x kelly clarkson


well.. yesterday i went to school.. and it was a half day..woohuu lol.. and then i wanted to go to framinham with TRACI but noone could drive us.. so i just went home and took a nap.. then.. at drivers ed the hot kidd who always talks to me wasnt there so i had a boring night.. except the fact that i talked to T-Dawg on my break, and in ther middle of class lol! ya so it guess it wasnt that bad..

well yesterday was sait patricks day.. and depressingly i didnt get drunk

ya so today im not in school again becasue i have a doctors appointment to see whats going on ..
im a bit nervous
.. but i guess i'll be fine so thats all that matters.. i just hope i dont have to switch medicines.. becase this noe works so well..

[I even fell for that stupid love song]


:: 2005 16 March :: 7.00 am
:: Mood: blank

hospitals suck..
well last night i went to the hospital.. till like 2 am, becasue i was having a reaction to my prozac.. well not really a reaction.. it just wouldnt let part of my brain fully function.. ya it was kinda scary becasue it was causing my right eye to go blury.. i gott maddd dizzy.. and i felt like there was fire flowing through my veins and it really sucked.. so now since i CANT go off my prozac i have to go to the neurologist to get onto ANOTHER medicine :/ .. thats fucking 3 medications.. this is rediiculous! i hate this shit.. now since we were there so late i cant go to school.. but im not tired because i guess im Over tired!

ya well thats all..

Comment please if you care..

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

:: 2005 13 March :: 6.55 pm

"When we started baby we were friends, but that's not how this fairy tale is gonna end, see I was thinking and it clicked one day, that no one else has ever made me feel this way." -Nsync

"I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."

its sad how its never ever going ot happen :(

i guess i just have ot get over it..

X x X x X x X x X x X x X

well i had a fun weekend.. i stayed at TRACI ANNE's the entire weekend! i had fun with her bacasue shes the only one i know i cna trust and for that i truly owe my life..

comment if you wish



:: 2005 11 March :: 10.42 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: la lal la la la nikkie tryin to sing =)

alright so this is the one and only TRACI !!! hellz yea well today me and nikkie went to school and then i went to drivers ed and then at 5 we went to the mall with Christy and Ashley =) it was MMMMazing. Jimmy went to the movies with us but then he left =/ so we're gunan go call him and see if he wants to come to my house (traci's) right now ..


love xoxoxo Traci


1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

:: 2005 10 March :: 5.59 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: grrr

ya so today i talked with ms navarro and she asked me what was up with virginia and me.. well for everyone who aperenly likes to make shit up and thalk alot heres whats happening..

so a few weeks ago virginias mom sed she couldnt hang out with me anymore.. so she stopped.. and when that happened she stopped talking to me as much and all that fun stuff.. ok so even now when i see her, if shes the only one around she'll talk to me.. but if other poeple are around she'll ignore me.. and i dont think i deserve to be treated like that.. also when she comes to "visit" me with amanda and brttany.. that hurts me bacasue it shows me that she can have other friends.. just not me.. so whatever.. obviously she never really wanted to be my friend, and im definatly done losing sleep over it becasue through all o this i realized how lost i was without my one TRUE best friend.. there was so much that i even kept from virginia when we were at our tightiest, that i just couldnt bring myself to tell her.. but they were things that traci already knew..

so this journal entry i about how me and virginia arent friends.. but its mostly about how Traci is such a good friend.. honestly i think i would have killed my self by now if i dint have her here to talk to..

ohh ya .. so.. to whoever is spreading shit and goes and says "ohh ya nikkie took virginia out of her profile" and all that shit.. well fuck you cuz heres why!!

wow i had a WICKED bad day today :( it sucked.. this didnt make it much better besides the fact that i know im gunna talk to traci in a little while.. then i KNOW she'll make me laugh!

comment if your care


1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE... | Random Journal