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godessalthena

:: 2019 12 February :: 6.17am

where did all my ambition go? why does a career change terrify me so much?

I hate the company I work for, but I make a buttload of money doing something I could literally do in my sleep. and occasionally I get to really help people, which is the best and most rewarding part of the job.

I try to frame it positively, I try to be thankful I have a job that does give me a full time consistent schedule, with good wage, ok benefits, and I literally only have to go into the physical office 1 time a month. in the big scheme of things I'm very fortunate... so why do I feel so empty inside?

is it just because it's a job? or is it because every other year i give 120% and then get reduced to the same number I got when I gave 60%... I get disheartened. I want to be challenged, I need an occasion to rise to. otherwise I just coast. but my current boss sucks at employee development, she's new, it's ok.

I just hate insurance. I hate corporate America. I hate big business and big money. i spend a third of my time doing something for something I despise to my very core. maybe that's the problem.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 11 February :: 8.34pm

told my boss I wanted a 12/15 this year

she basically told me to dream on...

it's fucking rigged and I know it is. my blood is boiling. what's the point? what's the fucking point.

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godessalthena

:: 2019 9 February :: 11.02pm

all the bars we go to play 90s

either youngsters come here to feel older than they are or cuz they are hipsters

and people in their 30$ are who are being pandered to.

growing up sucks

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godessalthena

:: 2019 6 February :: 11.26am

FUCK OSPEs

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godessalthena

:: 2019 30 January :: 4.34pm

sweetie, all I want is for you to go out of your way to be sweet to me when my whole world feels like it's falling.

I just want to see you care. hearing it isn't enough. talk is cheap.

I just need extra sugar today.

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