2019 12 February :: 6.17am
where did all my ambition go? why does a career change terrify me so much?
I hate the company I work for, but I make a buttload of money doing something I could literally do in my sleep. and occasionally I get to really help people, which is the best and most rewarding part of the job.
I try to frame it positively, I try to be thankful I have a job that does give me a full time consistent schedule, with good wage, ok benefits, and I literally only have to go into the physical office 1 time a month. in the big scheme of things I'm very fortunate... so why do I feel so empty inside?
is it just because it's a job? or is it because every other year i give 120% and then get reduced to the same number I got when I gave 60%... I get disheartened. I want to be challenged, I need an occasion to rise to. otherwise I just coast. but my current boss sucks at employee development, she's new, it's ok.
I just hate insurance. I hate corporate America. I hate big business and big money. i spend a third of my time doing something for something I despise to my very core. maybe that's the problem.