| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| lifesuxsodanz (profile) wrote, on 6-4-2004 at 1:33am | |
| ok everyone...I probably shouldnt post this here but...fuck it I don't hide things from my friends. I couldnt really tell you how it all started but its not important...today was just the last straw. came home after fighting with my mom she left again i dont know where. I got into one of my...moods felt like shit emptied some pills out onto the counter cut a lovely little scar into my thigh. started drinking my parents wine again I needed something no matter how ineffective. I called the only person I could think of who could snap me out of this. All Jimmy said was how hard he was going to hit me the next time he saw me. I kept talking made him tell me normal things while I cleaned everything up. I still took about 20 advil in hopes it would...idk numb me or something...casey was right it does give you a major headache. It did kind of knock me out though and I was asleep witht he door locked when my mom came home and she started banging on it and screaming and then she came in and started throwing away all of my stuff and telling me I was changing schools and just saying all of this stuff until I broke down into tears and told her to take away everything because I only had to take one thing from her and it would kill her. She told me that I can't just threaten something like that lightly and called some crisis center or something about putting me on suicide watch or getting me baker acted. Which is staying in an institution for review basically. And since my parents just switched jobs we dont have insurance yet to get me in2 a youth facility so I woulda had to go to the county institution with all of the major psychos. so yeah michelle called in the middle of this and i answered the phone hystericlly crying I probably scared the crap out of her. my mom made me hang up but i wouldnt talk to her and I couldnt stop crying. My dad came home and they tried to decide what to do with me I just felt like such shit. My mom said if they didnt send me away she was leaving because she couldnt handle me. I had to get out I got my fone out of my moms room grabbed luckys leash and took her for a walk...this was around 11:30 I guess. I called jimmy again to clear my head soon I was laughing and myself again I felt all of this weight lift once I got away from the house and the reality. My dad came out looking for me and walked the rest of the way home with me. I had to talk to them if only to keep them from sending me away. My mom went through some of my emails and found some of the poetry I wrote and it scared her. A lot of it was how I dont care about anything and I stopped loving them etc and of course about suicide. Therapy isnt a question anymore but we talked some shit out. idk im just glad tonight is over. And Im glad to be alive...if only for my friends because I love you all more than you know. <3 ~Jess~ |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
lizzy | 06-04-04 9:30am jess, i'm crying right now reading this.
|
| Anonymous | 06-04-04 11:43am *hugs*We all love you Jessica. Don't ever forget that |
alwaysfalling | 06-04-04 1:01pm i'm sorry chubita.
|
bocaheath05 | 06-04-04 2:46pm jessica. i can't tell you enough how much i love you. we'd all be lost without you...don't do anything to yourself. i am available to talk all the time. please, realize we, I, love you. |
lifesuxsodanz | Re:, 06-05-04 12:38am thanks for caring you guys I promise I'm going to stop this now It's good to know I have such great people in my life you all keep me here and sane
|