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| blackcandynecklace (profile) wrote, on 8-5-2004 at 12:38am | |
| Current mood: accomplished Music: imagine Subject: she needs soo much help. i want to be here for her though. this was a big big step for her though. she's telling me the truth. that never happens. i usually get frusted and jsut dont tlak to her |
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| IIxsExiibAbexII [9:42 PM]: hmm BlkCandyNecklace [9:43 PM]: hnn? IIxsExiibAbexII [9:44 PM]: just thinking BlkCandyNecklace [9:44 PM]: about? IIxsExiibAbexII [9:45 PM]: how i dont feel good BlkCandyNecklace [9:45 PM]: y? IIxsExiibAbexII [9:45 PM]: i just have this bad feeling about i dont know waht and my nose keeps bleeding IIxsExiibAbexII [10:00 PM]: will u talk IIxsExiibAbexII [10:00 PM]: :-\ BlkCandyNecklace [10:15 PM]: sorry BlkCandyNecklace [10:15 PM]: my mom got home IIxsExiibAbexII [10:16 PM]: ok BlkCandyNecklace [10:18 PM]: what's the bad feeling about? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:18 PM]: im not to sure BlkCandyNecklace [10:22 PM]: you ahve any idea? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:22 PM]: yes that im not doing well and going to have to retun shortly BlkCandyNecklace [10:28 PM]: return? BlkCandyNecklace [10:28 PM]: whre IIxsExiibAbexII [10:28 PM]: to my box BlkCandyNecklace [10:38 PM]: what is on your mind? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:38 PM]: i told u dont make me repeat it BlkCandyNecklace [10:39 PM]: i think you shodul repeate it BlkCandyNecklace [10:39 PM]: ti's good for you IIxsExiibAbexII [10:40 PM]: I AM AFAIRD THAT.... I AM GOING TO HAVE TO RETURN TO THE MENTAL PLACE MY BOX BlkCandyNecklace [10:40 PM]: ok why are you afriad BlkCandyNecklace [10:41 PM]: why woudl that happen? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:41 PM]: IM NOT DOING GOOOD HERE BlkCandyNecklace [10:42 PM]: why BlkCandyNecklace [10:42 PM]: what isn't going right? ATTENTION [10:42 PM]: Instant Images session started. IIxsExiibAbexII [10:42 PM]: me with ppl BlkCandyNecklace [10:43 PM]: explaine to me IIxsExiibAbexII [10:44 PM]: i dont mix well with people IIxsExiibAbexII [10:44 PM]: i often get mad BlkCandyNecklace [10:44 PM]: why do you get mad? BlkCandyNecklace [10:44 PM]: what do you do? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:45 PM]: ppl that remind me of ppl in the past i yell at i get weird i black out im not sure what i do... last week in the mental hosp i stabed a nurse or tried to with a plastic knife they kept me in a striaght jacket in mi box i was so scared n alone i cried so scared BlkCandyNecklace [10:46 PM]: why don't you talk then BlkCandyNecklace [10:46 PM]: your not tellng them what you need IIxsExiibAbexII [10:46 PM]: i dont know what i need BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to not feel scared BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need not to be alone BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to feel wanted BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to feel better BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to plnat you life back together BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to get out of there BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to heal BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need love BlkCandyNecklace [10:48 PM]: you know alot of what you need BlkCandyNecklace [10:48 PM]: what you don't nkow is how to get it, but that is what all teh nurses and doctors are for IIxsExiibAbexII [10:50 PM]: what do i do i need help.... from them but ugh i dont know! BlkCandyNecklace [10:51 PM]: you don't know what? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:52 PM]: i dont know.. BlkCandyNecklace [10:52 PM]: jsut relax,let things happen. it takes alot of time BlkCandyNecklace [10:52 PM]: trust me i know IIxsExiibAbexII [10:53 PM]: i cant relax BlkCandyNecklace [10:54 PM]: i odn't mean phisically, i mean mentally BlkCandyNecklace [10:54 PM]: why can't you? IIxsExiibAbexII [10:54 PM]: its hard for me too IIxsExiibAbexII [10:55 PM]: i want help but im scared so scared BlkCandyNecklace [10:55 PM]: i know, i really really really really know IIxsExiibAbexII [10:55 PM]: i cant sit with a person and have a convo its so hard i want to hurt them sometimes BlkCandyNecklace [10:55 PM]: you don't know how much i know what you are talking about. it's not the same situation but the feelings are so similar BlkCandyNecklace [10:55 PM]: you are hurting alot BlkCandyNecklace [10:56 PM]: and i can't belive how huritng i used to be, i can't even imagine it anymore BlkCandyNecklace [10:56 PM]: but it can get better, untilll you belive that everything is frozen IIxsExiibAbexII [10:56 PM]: A LOT... it realli helps to talk to some1 that knows the feelings BlkCandyNecklace [10:56 PM]: yea i know it does IIxsExiibAbexII [10:58 PM]: thanks for talking with me i appericate it.. not many ppl talk to me... BlkCandyNecklace [10:58 PM]: don't thank me for tlaking to you BlkCandyNecklace [10:58 PM]: you do'nt have many people who understand you BlkCandyNecklace [10:58 PM]: and you don't trust easily at all BlkCandyNecklace [10:59 PM]: there are alot of issues in you that don't let you ahve a normal relationship, hell i can't even have a normal relationship yet. BlkCandyNecklace [10:59 PM]: like i won't let anyone touch me IIxsExiibAbexII [11:00 PM]: if sum1 touches me i spazz like someone other than a nurse BlkCandyNecklace [11:00 PM]: yea BlkCandyNecklace [11:00 PM]: you've been hurt BlkCandyNecklace [11:00 PM]: it makes sense IIxsExiibAbexII [11:01 PM]: i get really scared when im alone with men IIxsExiibAbexII [11:01 PM]: i like start to sweat and get really scared i think im afaird there going to rape me IIxsExiibAbexII [11:01 PM]: or beat me BlkCandyNecklace [11:01 PM]: uhuh IIxsExiibAbexII [11:02 PM]: :-\...ya i havent realli told anybody thiss much BlkCandyNecklace [11:02 PM]: i'm listening BlkCandyNecklace [11:02 PM]: you can tlak as much as you want BlkCandyNecklace [11:02 PM]: i'm happy that you trust me enough to talk IIxsExiibAbexII [11:04 PM]: sometimes i feel like im in a dream in a way BlkCandyNecklace [11:04 PM]: yea IIxsExiibAbexII [11:05 PM]: a lot of times i black out... and it feels like im living in my own personal hell and i created a world inside me head... a lot of times i get mixed up if its realty or not... thats why a lot of times i get confused because what i tell ppl its so whack BlkCandyNecklace [11:06 PM]: yes BlkCandyNecklace [11:06 PM]: it makes perfect sense IIxsExiibAbexII [11:06 PM]: it does? BlkCandyNecklace [11:06 PM]: yeaup BlkCandyNecklace [11:07 PM]: it's really hard to explain how it makes sens but it does IIxsExiibAbexII [11:07 PM]: can u try to or no BlkCandyNecklace [11:07 PM]: ok BlkCandyNecklace [11:07 PM]: i'll try IIxsExiibAbexII [11:07 PM]: thanks BlkCandyNecklace [11:10 PM]: i think you might feel as if you don't want to be in the world your in, so it's naturla to create your own world, but you are so hurt and such in pain it's too difficult to imagine a good place, so it ends up getting very very mixed up. the fact that your depression is overwhelming is enough to explaine your confussion, add in teh pain, and hurt, the abuse, all yoru feelings, everythign that has happend, your in a hurricane. and you feel as if it's impossible to get out, BlkCandyNecklace [11:10 PM]: tis' hard to see that the hurricane is just in a bottle of water. and i'ts closed. but it can be opened BlkCandyNecklace [11:10 PM]: your stuck though right? BlkCandyNecklace [11:11 PM]: or am i not close? IIxsExiibAbexII [11:12 PM]: ur pretty darn close i think im not eeven sure i had to re read it BlkCandyNecklace [11:12 PM]: i know i may get confusing cuz i have to use metaphores BlkCandyNecklace [11:12 PM]: otehrise i don't really know hoe to explaine myslef IIxsExiibAbexII [11:13 PM]: i really like talking to u IIxsExiibAbexII [11:13 PM]: sorry if i feel lke gay cuz im saying it so much i just usually cant hold convos IIxsExiibAbexII [11:14 PM]: un less i really realate to it BlkCandyNecklace [11:14 PM]: no it makes me feel wanted IIxsExiibAbexII [11:14 PM]: good BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: i seriously woudl'nt still talk to you if i didn't want to help you BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: you know that i met you like a year ago IIxsExiibAbexII [11:15 PM]: really? IIxsExiibAbexII [11:15 PM]: that long ago? BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: yeaup IIxsExiibAbexII [11:15 PM]: where u lovelylattina BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: i met you right after the first time i was in teh hopital BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: yea IIxsExiibAbexII [11:17 PM]: i had a blackout about that today i remember waking up aand thinking about lovelylatitina weird... when i go 4 mi tests which im going to have to go for cuz i had a black out i will remember what it was about and try to tell u BlkCandyNecklace [11:17 PM]: ok heh BlkCandyNecklace [11:17 PM]: i hope you understand how much i really care about you, i feel like i need to help you BlkCandyNecklace [11:18 PM]: but if you ever want me to go away tell me IIxsExiibAbexII [11:18 PM]: thats the 1st time i smiled in a while thanks BlkCandyNecklace [11:18 PM]: : ) that awsome IIxsExiibAbexII [11:20 PM]: i really wanna still talk... but if big mama (the nurse) catches me she said no more story time so i have to go and thanks again BlkCandyNecklace [11:20 PM]: your welcome IIxsExiibAbexII [11:20 PM]: byee BlkCandyNecklace [11:20 PM]: goodnight IIxsExiibAbexII signed off at 11:20 PM |
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