| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| kiwi (profile) wrote, on 8-25-2004 at 2:21pm | |
| Current mood: sick Music: ramones/focs/duct tape/dude from union city blue Subject: odd bed time rituals |
|
| Ok this sounds sooooooooo sick when I put it down in writing but is it really wrong to put yourself to sleep by having sexual fantasies? And why do most of my fantasies start with Johnny Depp doing something with Lily-Rose? That just makes it worse. And some how he always does something with her and we end up in some type of hotel room. And then from the waking to sleeping it crossed over and I had a dream of being some type of a counseler and being with most of the guys... in a lake. And there were some other ones stuck in there. This feels sooo wrong... I am only 14. You know sometimes I jsut want to preform a home lobotomy. Cut of the front of the skull and scratch at my brain. oh yes I do. OK let me explain that a bit more. I've already meantioned some of this to liz and she is pretty sure I'm not insane. Or at least not insane enough to hurt anyone else... or myself(sooo doubting the last part and I ahve good reason(whcih I tried to tell liz adn it didn't work... well)) But I talk to myself... alot. And sometimes it escalates to yelling. other times I jsut stop by by going "ok talking to myself again." But the times that I'm yelling at myself, I hate it. Most people don't notice it but it's not like I'm talkign to myself when I'm all alone any mroe it's in public. With tons of people for me to talk to. One day I decided the only way to stop it would be drugs, lots of alcohol, or to be murdered. Now I'm adding home lobotomy. But sometimes I think I might be this way from nail polish remover. Whcih i sniffed a couple of times. Never long enough to actaully get high. Just enough to make my... mind, nose, lungs, body tingle. I don't know which one. I can't remember it. Oh and I realized I don't really have anythign I go home to do. Like some people are at school adn they're like, 'only so long till i can go home and play video games' or go shopping, or have sex or whatever the hell keeps them going. I don't have that. I mean reading isn't fufulling me now. Music never did, I haven't writen anything good lately. television is nothing new, I've lost a lot of good sites. My friends hardly ever talk to me on AIM. I don't love too many other things. I jsut do random things to ward boredom off. I don't really have much to live for, just to hope for something better. Which scares me, i need something that fufills me, or I don't know what I'll do. |
|
| Post A Comment |
lifestourniquet | 08-27-04 10:31pm *smiles* Hey, read over parts of your journal, if your interested in talking, look at mine and if your still okay add me to aim: iamgoodbowtome
|