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| HollishDanishM (profile) wrote, on 8-29-2004 at 11:30pm | |
| Music: Maroon 5- Tangled Subject: My Skin |
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| I didn't mean to delete the last entry, it was a mistake. A simple little mistake. I want so bad to be comfortable in my own skin. I want so bad to understand and accept my self. I want to walk through the halls and feel secure with myself, at least to a certain degree. And my mind keeps whispering things in my ear, but one thing dominates the noise, "Just be yourself". That's my problem... But we all want so much. My unhealthy relationship takes over every time. Because I think that distance fixes things. I allow myself to believe, that everything can be fixed for a simple memory loss. Or at least blocking out that memory. I once again, am fooling myself, into thinking that once I move, I can start fresh. My conscience, my mind, my body hates it when people know everything, because that way people can hold judgement against you. And I hate the first day of school at an OLD school, because my old memories, my old terrors, the things I left behind somewhere, return and dump the coldest bucket of water on my head. Maybe that's why I feel myself around strangers. And like a stranger around myself... I think even though as my experiences outlast other people's experiences at some point, my self understanding and my feeling towards a habitat, a niche, a home is low. And I'm not sure I'll ever really have a home to call my own. I guess I have more self-related problems than I thought. I wasn't even going to write about this, but it forced itself out. And it's not even self pity, that's the funny thing, I just long for confidence. Thank You. |
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brownsugar | 08-30-04 12:22pm yah i know what u mean. thats why i love meeting new people. and our school is ever worse-- everyone walks through the halls and everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everyones little problems and such. thats why i wish i was in a big school. |