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sadsongsnmyhead87 (profile) wrote,
on 9-12-2004 at 6:47pm
Current mood: annoyed
Music: clip thing...
Subject: Want to Cry the Pain Away
I know...I know...... Everyone says I should get over it because it's a little thing, but it's not. I feel like I'm being ridiculed because I'm a minority...IN EVERYTHING! Race, religion, name it...everyone pokes fun at me for it. So...people think "Goody, since it's been done so many times, one more time wouldn't hurt, right?" WRONG. It means another stab wound has been made...and stab wounds leave scars.

So...what is this now? I've kept my cool FOREVER! It's been a long time since I've gotten seriously angry at someone [some people], but this is where I draw the line. I'm sick and tired of being a minority and I'm sure the people who know me are starting to get tired of me complaining. But you know what? Tough luck. I'm not going to stop complaining until people start respecting me for who I really am, not being made fun of.

The pain I feel is like the pain when the sun beams its rays of light into my eyes. It's so blinding that I don't know how I feel until later and by then, it's like no one even cares anymore, which is probably how I dealt with repressing my anger.

You know...the clip they sent me...really upsets me the more I listen to it......and it makes me more sad while it's upsetting me off. Yes...I feel as though I hate you people now...sorta. And then...sorry doesn't cut it. I remember someone saying sorry doesn't mean anything and now...I know why.

It's true, even if you say sorry your whole life, no one cares. No one ever cared. And even if they did, it would only be time when you needed someone to care. "Sorry" is nothing but another word, like "love", "hate", and all those other stupid words.

Those fucking stupid words.

And I write stories...little prissy romance stories that people think are the most corniest things...because they don't see that the words I type on this very keyboard has no meaning whatsoever. NONE. Blah...I hate this. You know...I just used a meaningless word. How stupid of me.

I'm not angry anymore...but I'm still sad. People are evil. Always are and always will be. People = Pain. I forgive everyone...I now know why people take advantage of me. It's because I'm so weak. I can't even hold a grudge on certain people for more than five minutes before I start feeling really bad. And I mean, REALLY bad. I've got to be the most evil person living in the world. *sighs* I hope people understand that.

I no longer care about what people think of me and what they say about me, regardless of its relevancy...but you know. I DON'T CARE. And I think I just made the biggest mistake ever by pushing everyone a thousand miles away from me.

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