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musicalbabe (profile) wrote,
on 10-8-2004 at 7:23pm
Subject: What You Think of Me
It's so interesting to think about the difference between your own perception of yourself and what other people see you as being.

I guess I should explain the context that lead me into this train of thought. (Funny...I only realized that I tend to blurt out seemingly random things without any context backing them because my mom told me that I did.) Anyway, I was thinking about this week in general and the random things that I've learned. There seemed to be a commonality between discussion in Chorale, World Lit, and with friends. I've been learning about myself through the perceptions of others. In Chorale, as we were discussing how to go about becoming a better singer, Mr. Shaull indirectly described me as someone without a 'can-do' attitude, in the sense that I doubt myself instead of trying and improving. We read an article in WLH about the nature of evil and what it takes to be cruel enough to rape and/or kill people. One of the personality traits was narcissism. I've been called narcissistic and pretentious many a time. Molly told me that I was the kind of person who focused on the bad instead of letting it go and moving on, as well as the kind of person who learns of all of the gossip before she does. People at church often refer to me as someone who only talks about boys and is often having blonde moments.


It's all so strange to think about. In some cases, there are moments when I can definitely relate to the above statements. I KNOW I've appeared narcissistic at times. I KNOW I often doubt my ability and reserve myself to keep from giving it my best shot and still failing. More often, though, am I surprised by these pronouncements.

It's definitely a shock to be categorized as something you never thought you were.

***

I surprised myself by branching out and talking to new people today. For some reason I felt really bad because Anna never really talks to anyone in French. I'm her partener, but I always talk to Sarah, Sara, or Rachel when we have time to mingle. She never really talks to anyone in Chem either, and I felt kinda bad for her. I realize that maybe she prefers being alone and observing rather than being a part of random discussion in class, but nevertheless I've made an effort to talk to her in French just so that she has someone. I saw her standing alone and waiting for her ride today, so I went over and talked to her. It was so strange. She's really nice, but I hardly know her so it was kind of awkward. The conversation was almost as forced as those stupid scenarios in French class. It got easier as we kept talking (well, it was mostly me talking...) but it was still kind of strange. I wonder if she'll go home and be surprised and maybe flattered that I'd come over and started up a conversation or just annoyed. I honestly don't know her well enough to know what she'd think about it.

***

I've gotta say that I LOVE all of the drama concerning Homecoming!! Maybe this'll come off as really insensitive, but even though people are being rejected and all, at least there's something to talk about that gets everyone excited. Well, maybe it's just me who goes crazy over everyone's stories about how they were asked and all, but I JUST LOVE IT! Even though I'm kind of out of the loop myself and pretty much just trying to stay on top of everyone else's Homecoming date situations, it's all so much fun.

Oh, and there's something I've learned from this year's Homecoming that might surprise you: I'm not desperate. I WON'T just ask some random guy in order to 'at least have a date.' I really won't go with a guy who I hardly know, even if I think he's a nice guy or hot or whatever. People have suggested that I ask 3 different guys, and though I don't have any problems with their personalities, I won't ask them. I DO have standards. Really. (And these standards aren't based apon grade level, social status, or physical appearance, either!)

***

It's a really cool idea to think that life has some sort of predestination involved. It is possible to combine the ideas of free will and destiny and say that though we appear to have free will, in actuality, our life is governed by "choices" which have already been decided in order to lead you to a certain life. Pretty crazy thought...

***

I think I've been journal-ed out for a bit. Opera tonight! Whoo!

Oh, and if you'd like to further enlighten me about myself, (since I really do value the comments) feel free to do so in a reply. Just, ya know, how you see me as a person in general. I can't promise that I'll be okay with it if you say something bad about me, since I'll surely dwell on it, but in the near future, I'll definitely use the feedback in order to try to change.
Post A Comment
Anonymous

Dude, 10-08-04 9:04pm

You are so random man. And trying to be all deep. It sort of hurts my head (maybe it's because i just got back from the most fun soccer practice and i'm on a runner's high and not able to focus. Excercise induced ADD)
Sometimes it is surprising to see what people think, but if you stop and look at yourself and not be impulsive then you can see their point (like you did in your journal!) okay that statement made little sense. But anyway, it's okay. Victoria Liu called me OCD in MEHAP. I was lik DUDE I AM SO NOT A HOMEWORK JUNKIE! But I guess I am from her stand point seeing as I wrote like 10 pages for the study guide.
Okay this will be the longest comment ever if I adress all your issues. Did you know that this is one of my two main forms of typing whatever I want? which means you're pretty cool man.
Way to be nice to people! And Homecoming drama is fun for like five minutes, and then it's sort of annoying. I know you like it but it's a little excessive at times. Homecoming is baisically a ginormous popularity contest, right?
You've been reading too much about John Calvin man. Stay AWAY from the Protestant Reformation.

(reply to this)

musicalbabe

Re: Dude, 10-08-04 9:15pm

Oh lord now I feel like an idiot. How was I being like John Calvin? Treeesss baffoue. (or however you spell 'very confused' en francais...)

(Let's pretend I didn't just have a huge test about Protestantism vs. Lutheranism vs. Calvinism...heheheh)

(reply to comment)

musicalbabe

Re: Re: Dude, 10-08-04 9:18pm

oh, and you thought i was *sniff* TRYING to be all deep?

that was actually an honest expression of thought. whether it came off as 'deep' or not wasn't my intention at all. : (

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Anonymous

Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-08-04 10:29pm

Predestination? Totally Calvinistic man.
You're not an idiot.
i know it was an honest expresion, but lighten up man! The only thing in there that sounded like you was about how you loved Homecoming. The rest was like this alter-ego Melissa that likes to be all analytical. And maybe you're bipolar or something. Just kidding! well, i suppose sometimes you make comments like that but it just doesn't sound like you written out you know what I mean?
But it sort of does sound like "I'm so philosophical" which I know you're not trying to do but whatever.I still love you.
But you spelled upon wrong, which as you know, is an unforgivable crime and will result with excommunicatin with OCD Spellers Anonymous.

(reply to comment)

QueenWog

Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-08-04 11:00pm

"Molly told me that I was the kind of person who focused on the bad instead of letting it go and moving on, as well as the kind of person who learns of all of the gossip before she does."

First of all, that is not exactly what I said. I said you tend, sometimes, to focus on the bad things rather than the good things. Secondly, do you deny it?
And you totally know all the gossip before I do. MOST PEOPLE DO. That doesn't have to do with anything.


What the heck? I am confused.

(reply to comment)

musicalbabe

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-09-04 3:34am

Well, I DO focus on the bad things and not the good. I don't deny it at all. Oh, and I guess i misunderstood you about the gossip thing. I took it as 'well that's cuz you're u and u're always a part of the gossip and all.' (Which is something I wouldn't deny either.)

Neither of those things are bad, just examples of stuff I've learned about myself that I wouldn't have found in me otherwise.

Oh no...I think that's my 1,000,000th offense of the OCD spellers anonymous rule: thou must not confuse upon and apon. NOO!! DON'T FORCE ME TO READ A DICTIONARY! NOOOOO!!! *is dragged off by very smart, professional-looking people and forced to sit in a library full of other very smart people and study spelling from an Oxford Dictionary*

(reply to comment)

QueenWog

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-09-04 1:05pm

You did misunderstand me about the gossip thing. I just meant that you, along with most everyone knows stuff before I do. It was more general annoyance because I always find myself out of the loop. Haha.
Well, I am glad you aren't mad or anything. I wasn't saying either of those things to be mean at all or to say in any way that you are a bad person. Just observing.


OMG HOW WAS THE OPERA?!

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-09-04 1:19pm

Apon isn't even a word Melissa :-P

(reply to comment)

iwish2bemilkywhite

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-09-04 8:14pm

Dude... you guys are still on the Protestant Reformation? We're learning about Russia... or something.

(reply to comment)

musicalbabe

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-10-04 3:21pm

omg really?! i always thought it was 'once apon a time.." MY CHILDHOOD...GONE!! lol :-p

(reply to comment)

iwish2bemilkywhite

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-10-04 5:16pm

Yeah, it's once *upon* a time. And btw, "infinite" is spelled wrong in your profile.

Heeheeheeheehee.

(reply to comment)

musicalbabe

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-10-04 6:10pm

you're lucky i just had a horseback riding lesson and am filled with happy chemicals or i'd kick your sorry little bootay for ragging on my spelling... :-P

but dude, where the hell did i pick up 'apon'? i'm so confused!

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-11-04 8:17pm

Upon sounds like UH-PON and A sometimes gives an UH sound. I guess you got confused. And no Nicole, just because I mention the Protestant Reformation doesn't mean we're still learning about it.
Those happy chemicals are called endorphins and they are very fun, non?

(reply to comment)

musicalbabe

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dude, 10-11-04 10:18pm

okay, SARAH NEEDS TO COME COMMENT ON THIS ENTRY!!!

she had the random fixation with the imaginary word 'apon' as well...i think we understand each other englishly. because that SO makes sense. to me. it does!

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