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nightshade666 (profile) wrote,
on 5-15-2005 at 7:26pm
I'm so pissed off. I want to kill everyone and everything. Fuck this shit.
First I was told I'm getting a car, now I'm fucking not. What the fuck. Then Mike tries giving me this lecture about how I should act like a man and respect everything. Bull fucking shit. Maybe I should go fuck some women I met on the internet for a few weeks and lie to the women I've been dating for a year. Then I might be in line for a respect talk.
I don't respect myself. Bingo, and don't you think it's a little dangerous to fuck someone over who doesn't care about what happens to themselves or others. I don't know, maybe I'm just over reacting a little or maybe I'm finally letting go of my sanity, but I want to burn down this house and everyone in it.
I could really care less. I never asked to be born. I never asked for any of this bullshit. They say life's not fair but aren't you supposed to get a break at least once and a while. Fuck this. I think I'm going to go die now.
I have few actual friends anymore that I could call to hang out with, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nowhere to be, no where I want to be.
I've thought about suicide as an option for weeks now. You know, the longer time goes on, it keeps popping up, and it looks better and better everytime. I'd be afraid of the pain, but even that would go away. Then I wouldn't have to worry about anything, or deal with anyone's bullshit. The only thing I would want to do is say goodbye. But how exactly do you tell everyone goodbye without letting them know where you're going?
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05-15-05 8:59pm

I know you don't know me... and really, I don't know you either... but I'd like to help if I can. I know what you are going through. The feeling that eveyone is out to get you is a horrable feeling, I've felt it many a time. I am not trying to make you pissed off in any way or get with you or anything like that... I just want to help you in any way I can because frankly, I can't stand people in the position I was in a year ago. Again, I'd like to help; if you don't want me to do so then I'll leave you alone... but I'd like to help you.

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05-15-05 10:41pm

James, I love you. Please don't do anything stupid. Don't do that thing where you're really upset and you haul off on the nearest thing... and if that happens to be yourself... DON'T. Call me... talk to me... anything... You should KNOW that I am here for you. You should kno that I would do anything... anything I could to help you. Just please... Idk... let me in.

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05-16-05 12:26pm

i guess you could call me your friend.
we've been few and far between the last couple years, but what the hell. we're both in the same situation here.

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05-16-05 7:35pm

just remember those days that are actually worth it sweetums... like skittles in the theater? come on you would miss so many other days like that, you're one of my good friends who i can actually have deep conversations with and be taken seriously regardless my age, i would miss you too much! i love you james you're a great friend and the world would lose a beautiful soul if you left

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05-17-05 1:09pm

hey man i called you were are you your car was there but no jim jim so give me a call sometime

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05-21-05 2:04am

if it makes you feel any better, which it won't.. but i have the power to say whatever i want to whoever i want, i'm going to tell you anyway.. i've contimplated suicide a lot in the past few weeks too. real bad. and i can't really rell many people that because.. they saw a side of me once they never want to see.. and they'll call pine rest in a heartbeat and say "take her ass away." but.. anyway. point is you're not alone. just thought i'd give you some good news.

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