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fallenfaces (profile) wrote,
on 5-30-2005 at 6:59pm
Music: Eisley - Golly Sandra
Subject: I'm trying to make some use out of this journal.
Lately I've been kind've crazy.
My emotions are all over.
I don't know what it is.
But, I know I'm in good hands. And I'm at a good point in my life. Things aren't bad. Nothing is as bad as it seems to be when I think about it. The little things just get me down. The little things confuse me. The little things fog up my mind.
But, I need you. Every second I'm without you, you're still in my thoughts. I wait for a phone call to hear you're out of work early. I'd wait an hour to see you for one minute.
Every relationship has problems and fights. If a couple doesn't fight, you're not a real couple. You're a fake. You can't angree on everything, so don't you fucking dare tell me something you have no idea about. The point is, is that I'm like every other teen in the world. Stupid.
I wouldn't know what I have until it was gone.
Then I'd realize I'm nothing without you.

You sat there and you told me that you want something back.
You have it back.
You never lost it.
I just didn't know it. I do now.

I'm too weak to say it to your face. To let it fall off the tip of my tongue. To say it first. To cure your shattering heart. To whisper in your waiting ear. To kiss your thirsty lips. To touch your worried bones.
Please know and learn this.

Anyway, two more days and I am a senior. I went to graduation. It was nice to go. I can't say it was nice to see my friends graduate because well.. I don't really have the friends I used to have. I don't want to say how many people I actually count as true friends because if I said only one you'd know who it is...

I'm growing up, I just wish I'd do it faster.
I've lost so much this year.
Yet, I've found a lot too.
I'm so worried about everything.
Mosty about what hasn't happened, but could.
Every entry is the same. Who am I even writing to?
You, only you.

Dear did you know that people love each other, just like we do? Just like they do.
Dear did you know you're all I ask for? So hold on to me, hold on with me here and there are things that follow this quietly to the pass. We've seen all those faces, we won't go looking for trouble. The rain, it tumbled down
through the cracks in the sky which made your hands grow, watch your hands grow. And we still see through their plainshifted laughs, we'll hold the hands of sinners and then we will pass.
Eisley - Just Like We Do
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05-30-05 7:47pm

I rather enjoy your writing.

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Re:, 05-30-05 7:49pm

Thank you.

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05-31-05 2:33am

is this what everything boils down to?
are these the final moments of our sanity described by our time together?
all i ever wanted was a little slice of happiness to keep me going in the middle of all the crazy happenings in the world. i want the life he has i want that so badly but i know i cant cause if i dont waste my time and money on college then i wont have that life when im 30 until i die...and i think thats when it most matters but i just want to live life by the motto "im alive and thats enough" but i cant because i let everything bother me. i miss you. and im sorry if the fights we had are enough to classify me as "no longer a friend" since we all know who the one friend is. but i thought we were still friends. i mean we worked most things out even though i still let the frustration of my own life seep into our relationship as friends and fuck things up. but you know how much i need you. you told me you understood that i wouldnt and you wouldnt ever let us drift apart no matter how terrible the waters got. we still both wait for the day you get that phone call...and then a few months later the follow up. but, we are still going to be complaining about our lives together while we wait for the phone call...right? please just help me ease my mind. please. and for gods good sake i fucking love you.

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Re:, 05-31-05 6:23am

Matt, I don't want to say you're not my friend. But if you are you have to treat me like one. Of course I have friends, but I mean real friends. Friends who are there for me, who talk to me, who understand me, and support what I am doing with my life.
I don't just throw friendships away.
I'd like to have the times we used to have.
I'd love to hang out with everyone again, but these "friends" are one huge group of backstabbing fakes. I know that and you know that. So I figure the smaller amount of close relationships the better.
We are still friends, I'm just confused.
We still can hang out and have the talks like we used to have.
But I need to not only know you love me, I want to feel that you love me.

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