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SeraphimRhapsody (profile) wrote,
on 8-1-2005 at 3:20pm
I've been incredibly depressed lately. Well, technically it would alternate or fluctuate....but I would just crumble and feel numb and cold and alone and upset. It's been really hard to deal with. And this isn't something I typically write here, is it? Oh well.

I finally talked to someone when I hit a really deep pit and I had things planned to try and explain what I was feeling since I had no idea why I was breaking down andhoped they could help me figure out why...but I couldn't even put that stuff together to say (yeah, phones rock my socks, love 'em). Just crying and I didn't even know if I should be bothering them with what was wrong, if it was right to talk to them about how I was feeling and force it on them and whatever. But I figured it wasn't every time...just this really hard hit that I couldn't seem to get over.

And they seemed to know what was wrong. I guess they're seems to fit.
Scared about the change.
I really really can't handle it.

College and moving and people leaving and starting over.
The change. All of it.

And I'm just freaking out and breaking down and I feel nothing. It's like I'm hollow. And it's scary. And I don't know how to talk to people about it, or if it's something I talk to people about, or if it's fair for them to deal with since it's a constant for me and if they help me once, I'll end up going to them more often and then I'll never let them alone.

But I dunno. I guess this is my attempt at trying to write something good about feelings and change and the future.
I'm scared. And it's making these last few weeks really really difficult.
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08-02-05 2:46am

Hey, everyone is scared about this. It's new, it's different, it's change... it's unknown. I wish I knew something to say like "it will be like ____ when you get there" but quite frankly I have no idea what we're getting into either. I guess that's not very comforting, but try to think of all the good things that are going to come of this change. It's not really an ending, it's another beginning. The next level, the next chapter. You've got a good portion of the book behind you, but there is a lot more left to read. Or be written, if you will. Your task now is to make it a good story. You're the hero in this story, and although it may not be all daisies and sunshine for a bit, you're going to be the one who wins in the end. Don't forget to have some fun while you're travelling though, since that's half the adventure.

I'm not sure if that will make the same sense to you as it did to me, but the crux of it is that I understand how you feel about this big change. It's like having your world turned upside down. You're not sure where you're going or even what you'll be coming back to someday, but it's something everyone has got to do.

If you want to fly, you've got to get out and stretch your wings someday, so all you can do is breathe deep and take the plunge.

You'll fly, I know it.

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