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Namu (profile) wrote,
on 3-16-2006 at 9:17pm
You guys don't even know the half of it. I get my heart crushed by the one I love during our relationship, over and over again. I didn't ever want to confront that it wasn't going in the right direction. Once I did and realized how bad of a situation I was in, to the point of tears in front of her face and her not helping me out, I thought that everything she ever convinced me of it not working out was true. So I do, I get out of it. You all call me a hypocrite, and I don't know what to say. Yes, I was really angry when I first found out that she had already moved on within the first week. Then I got to thinking that maybe she was right, maybe she was right all along. So, I simply agreed with her and tried to move on myself. So you're angry with me for agreeing with you. You ever stop to think why I didn't say anything? I was so hurt by the news of her moving on fast, that I wanted to give her time until I could tell her and feel safe about it. I wanted you to all know at the same time, not it be some big secret behind her back. So, I simply kept it to myself. All of you are so angry with me that it's hard to explain when you don't even see where I'm coming from. But hey, according to you all I fucked up, and did big time. You've called me worse than allan, a bitch, and everything else under the sun. With as much of a friend as you were trying to pose for me to tell you things, you've all slit my throat pretty fast. I'm serious, I am absolutely ripped to shreds here. I don't even know what to do or where to start. Funny thing is that I NEVER invalidated any of you like you are to me right now, and as much as I am hurting, I don't intend to either. So fine, you can play your fucking game of killing me, but your prize sure seems set on who can do it the fastest.

So all of you are hurt, because I didn't tell you something and kept it on the inside in order to keep problems from happening, and you can't see my thoughts behind that. Makes me wonder what you have kept from me, what you have done to me in order to get so upset with me in the first place. I surely wouldn't treat any of you like this if I found out you had a secret, but simply be a friend.

sights set on kill,

thanks for killing me, every last bit. I can't even feel any feelings anymore. And I can't believe how happy all of you are at such a wonderful job of destroying me.......

p.s. I don't hate any of you. I don't have any ill feelings what so ever. As much as this hurts, I never will.
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03-17-06 1:11am

This all happened because you didn't love your best friend enough to tell her the truth. And that's what friendship is, truth.

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Re:, 03-17-06 1:14am

I know're absolutely right lauren. I'm just bad at letting it out of me. Thanks for your input though. I don't hate you either, sorry for ever doing so.

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03-17-06 8:23am

I don't hate you. At all.

I'm just a little angry.

Spring break is still on if her dada says I can go.

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03-17-06 9:07am

you don't understand.
i DON'T want to hurt you.
and i don't want to be angry at you, but you hurt me.
i am not happy for destroying you.
you're a hypocrite because you were doing exactly what you were mad at her for.
the thing is, you didn't tell me. you didn't trust me. you tricked me. you're the one who didn't treat me like a friend. YOU hurt me. and i don't want to feel hurt by you, but i can't help it. i want to go back to how things were, but you did invalidate me.

i love you.

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