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chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote,
on 11-27-2006 at 7:30pm
i need a hug. i wish i could write in my paper journal but i'm tired and need to do my math homework so i'm down here writing on the computer.. yeah..so i dunno why i'm so sad. its just everything. grades and shit. mom and dad drinking is really bothering me so much. and i just dont know what to do with myself. i can't talk to anyone cause i feel like i'm bothering them and being selfish by talking about myself. so sometimes i slip and let a little out to a friend but then i'm like "dude..what the hell? let them get a word in. stop feeling so damn sorry for your fucking self. you're not the most important person in the world so listen for once." i guess i'd rather listen to other people for hours on end than talk about myself cause i know its boring. i do. who the fuck would want to listen about shitty my family is. they probably dont even think its that bad. i know that i think that way about some peoples 'problems". but you know..its all a matter of perspective and i always forget that. i'm too busy thinking that my problems are the goddamn worst when in reality i could be in a lot worse of a condition. fuck it. thats all i can think of to say.

holidays suck. i'm dreading christmas so bad. they're just a reminder of how fucked up everything is. how lonely i am. how much i miss monica. i miss her everyday. every damn day. every fucking day of my life i think about how much i wish she could be a fixture in my life. but she isnt. mom and dad are not allowing it. i only get to see her when mary is going over there. if it werent for mary..i'd never see her. it breaks my heart. i love her so much. i wish i could be in her life but i can't. fuck it.
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