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imaqinary (profile) wrote,
on 2-1-2007 at 7:15pm
Current mood: crushed
i feel so empty..

&& I haven't even left yet.

Gosh... my dad signed the papers to sell the house. We should be moving in about a month or so, unless I decide to live with my mom for the time being. I'm thinking long and hard about this because I really don't want to leave Alyssa. She's all I have. She's everything. She's my world & I'd be leaving it behind. How could I do that? I mean, there's this more than amazing school that I could be going to.. but really, no one I know will be there. My whole world is here. Do I really want to leave it? Part of me says yes. The other part says no. Although, I'll only be about an hour and 45 minutes away, it'll still seem like worlds apart. I mean, I don't see Alyssa rarely as it is. Imagine when I can only see her every other weekend... gosh.. =[ I don't know if I can do it again. We tried it when she left to Michigan and we didn't really make it. I don't know... I have to think.

i love Alyssa soo much.
more than anything & anyone.
forever and always.

here are some icons.

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Its been too long., 02-07-07 2:51pm

I would stop and think... How many times is life going to throw you opportunities that you dont take? What if this school was a major stepping stone to a better, bigger, and brighter future? Obviously nobody knows yet, but how farfetched is the idea that this amazing school could open more amazing doors for your life. Homeschooling wasnt socially the best choice for me, but i knew that going into it. I wasnt doing it for anybody else. I was doing it for me. What was best for me. Sure im forced to see my mom more than most kids have to, but shes not so bad, and she makes a pretty decent lunch lady. That aside i would stop and think, is this opportunity...or ANY other opportunity in the world worth giving up for a highschool relationship that will not only be problematic when your parents find out, but will also be hard as hell to keep up with over the many many years untill you do decide to marry? Is she really going to follow you around wherever you go over the next 10 years while you establish your own life. Or is it going to be the other way around, and your going to be following her while she gets to work figuring out her dream over the next 10 years rendering you unable to do what you want because your forced to be somewhere else, because of someone else. Granted im not sure what anybodys plans are but my own, but would either of you want that for eachother? Of course if you've already come across these mental gaps and crossed them you can just reply my forceful silence :-D... i speak from a lot of experience... hope i e-helped an e-friend that i havent e-wrote to in a long e-time.

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