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The Life and Times of Kent

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:: 2007 1 October :: 7.01 pm

i can't believe how ridiculous i could be *looks around*...making a false online journal profile just to secretly keep contact with an old friend. poor sad me. such is life though. i wouldn't do anything that would cause harm to anyone. granted i shouldn't have taken the liberty to assume that she still needed my 'lifely' advice, but we make mistakes, get over them, and move on, and if your reading this don't be fooled like i'm talking to you. i don't mind that you think i'm talking to you, but because honestly..honestly..i think these online journals are about as ridiculous as reality t.v...because against all my beliefs and morals i hate these damn things..because you can't be real with people aren't real when your texting them or talking to them online or emailing them or talking to them over the phone. you can't be real when you know people are going to read this. then it all turns into one big fad..congrats world..your all sheep..but then you read this..and after thinking to yourself..'this guys an asshole' start to wonder why..why is this sad angry boy waisting my time being a hypocrite and bitching about it...plenty of reasons..i'm bored right now, i have a lot on my brain an unfortunately no one with the imagination to listen, i dont care enough about my hatred for this crap to give myself something i can't do, only a few people if any will read this, i like talking to myself, i could go on and on and on and on and on for about another three seconds but it doesnt matter...i guess the main reason as to why i'm writing is because im really not a sad and angry a content chillin is what it is right now..i'm cool with my path..we all wish we had better paths regardless i'm just not going to dwell on it. schools almost done. moneys always a problem, but because of my hatred for the economy i dont care about any of it. at least not enough to worry about it. its either pay it or have my parents pay it..obvious most of highschool i'm going to be fine with being the every girls good guy friend guy..i doubt ill ever find anybody as..i really dont know how to say this..not deranged, not insane..eccentric enough to fit my taste. some people would see it as a shame i never embraced treating sex and love like candy...whatever though..i may be lucky one day to chance upon a girl who can pass my true love test..who the riggins knows not going to be pessemistic about things and just accept the fact that i wont know if love's for me until i die..when im dead and single then i'll be all emo about it and really start writing in this thing...i have good friends..good family..sometimes i think im closer to reaching my unatainable goal..reaching for the stars mother fucker..reaching for the stars..=D im a happy fellow at heart.. i cant help it. to the one that doesnt know me im mike and to the one that does i miss talkin to you..but its in the past i guess..either way its all no excuse to be forgetting promises and losing face..i'm your friend..just your reason to be scared of a friend..unless theres something one friend doesnt know about the other friend...its all conspiracy theory..just like some line in a song..i love me

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:: 2007 4 January :: 1.38 pm

New Years
Another year has gone so quickly by. Let the new year bring happiness.

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:: 2006 4 November :: 4.56 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Radio

Coincedence that since my life is going well i dont type that much here anymore? Not to worry though, because even though my life isnt amazing, but it is good, i wont deprive my peeps of something to do while being bored and online. School is actually not that bad. Ever since i actually started putting my nose in the books and actually doing my work. I just wrote my first paper for school that i wrote in a loooong time. Sure i was a little late in doing it and i had many technical difficulties i should be getting 100 on it. I also seem to be getting along with family a lot more than i normally do. Someone made mention about burning bridges and it made me think since they are going to be my family for at least a couple more years (at least!) i might as well be good with everyone, even though it always seems like i never fit in with my family, but im starting to think that it may be the case for most people and fail, maybe. Another wacko science experiment i might end up doing one bored couple of months or years. Highschool is going fast... not as fast as id want it to go though. The school has me thinking about college. They are always feeding us the same bs about money and school constantly shovng it down our throats. I sometimes dont even think that its as difficult as they make it out to im taking care of my futire plans myself as much as possible. Stupid school. I think im going to end up studying science...maybe social science or psychology, i mean i do pretty much the same crap that they do as a hobby so i guess its a good idea...hehe. Other than that life is good. Ive been dating someone for a week or two. Shes black wich means absolutely nothing to me, but its funny to see my parents and friends reactions. silly people. i've come to a realization that life right now may not be amazing, but i dont think its sposed to be. Not because im a teenager or anything, but because of many things like the fact that ive been on a journey to figure out who i am, and i dont even know when thats going to end. Im paving my way for my future and its all going to take a lot of work depending on how awesome i want to live later on in life. Work now and play later, but at least im happy now. Of course im always waiting for the next big thing is turning out to be relatively exciting.

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:: 2006 29 October :: 12.34 pm
:: Mood: awake

wake up call.
alright firstly lets first the first thing thats first-ish. good morning and my apologies for the semi-breakdown last night. now while i may not have over exaggerated i did over exaggerate. last night was (90% sure) just a culmination of many things, that and i really REALLY didnt want to kill a mouse. definitely was not on my to-do-list. damn its interesting how one simple thing can turn your ass upside down, shake you, slam you on the ground a couple times, and erase your memory and carefully replace it with someone elses...and while i do feel a little silly and childish for letting something like that mess with my head the way it did. not really sure if i should cover my ass for fear of looking either weird or like a pansy or something like that, but my smart side says dont worry about it. its your life and theres no reason to lie about it, especially since your writing to an audience of yourself and typing to yourself in the third person. DOES all this make me crazy? of course not! peanut butter and jelly sandwiches make me crazy.hehe. have a sweet day cause i shall too.

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:: 2006 29 October :: 1.00 am
:: Mood: crushed

i just updated a few hours ago...right now honestly i dont know how to describe what im feeling. i feel crushed, disappointed, and disgusted with myself. i just dont understand how my foundation collapsed under the tiniest amount of pressure...i was almost in tears and every thought in my head was running at full speed into everything else...let me catch my breath and explain. my house has mice, not 'rats', little itty bitty, not gonna hurt anybody, cute mice, but they havent been any problem to me as of yet. my mom recently put those glue traps all over the house to catch them and tonight i think i went through the worst experience ive ever been through in my entire life...a little tiny mouse got caught in one of the traps and my mom asks me to take care of it...WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO!? she just hands me gloves and tells me to take it outside and let it go. so i put on the gloves and i head outside. its freezing cold and i just have a t-shirt on, but of course this is the last thing on my mind. i end up spending a good half an hour to an hour outside hurrying around trying to figure out what to do in the dim lights of the street. i just want to take the mouse off the sticky stuff and send him on his way...but it turns into a huge nightmare...cause this mouse is really stuck in this stuff, because he was scared and was struggling. he probably just wanted to be warm and all of a sudden hes stuck to the floor awaiting to be brought outside to the cold weather. it wasnt doing anything wrong and it wasnt hurting anyone...anyway im outside freaking out trying to now save the life of this poor defenseless mouse, and i just cant seem to get it out of this glue im outside in the cold under the dim stree light about ready to have a panic attack with my hands stuck in this glue stuff struggling to keep this mouse alive and ok...i just didnt know what to do...i was freaking out and i was losing time so damn fast. I was alone in the dark with this mouse that was still alive and moving and scared and possibly in extreme pain. i start freaking out, cursing to myself telling myself that i dont know what to do!...finally with all my physical and emotional strength i make one last effort to at least pull what i can of the mouse off the glue...and im struggling and struggling just staring at the mouse about ready to either black out or start crying like crazy...finally... i get him free...its now in my gloved hand wiggling around slightly seemingly still alive...and then i get a good look at it and i realize that the skin covering its stomach has been torn threshold for emotional and physicla pain is gone. i start crying cause i still dont know what to do and i dont want this poor mouse to was just being a mouse...why did this have to happen at all? i thought those stupid glue traps were to keep it alive. WHY THE FUCK WAS I PUT IN THIS SITUATION!!?? was the main thought screaming through my head...i hear the faint sound of my moms voice coming from the front door far behind me calling for me...i tell her that im coming and i look at the mouse wich is still alive and in my hand...i couldnt just leave it outside on the ground still full of glue and in pain that i couldnt understand. so i slowly submerge him into a nearby puddle of water and wait a few minutes...i come back inside and my night was over...still i cant think straight. i hate myself. i feel so sick. fuck my life. why did that mouse have to die? i dont give a shit who you are, i dont care if youve done this before and i dont care if you think this is nothing and i overreacted...that mouse was alive and it wasnt disgusting or ugly. it was a little 'hurt nobody and nothing' mouse trying to get out of the cold. it may not have been able to understand what was going on and it may not have had any life important enough to live for, but thats all trivial because i can compare the life of that mouse with so many human beings...Im not a murderer...i didnt want to have to decide what to do about that mouse... i didnt want it to die...

So much needs to be talked about. My life changed completely just for this one night, and hopefully not much longer, but i dont want to talk about it now. i dont believe in god and i prayed for that mouse on my way back to the house and i crossed myself. it isnt fair. ill finish this soon. when i can. im sorry for everything.

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:: 2006 28 October :: 8.40 pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: Tom Jones with Cerys Matthews - Baby, its Cold Outside

gettin in that spirit
alright this is officialy my first post where its safe to say that im talking to myself. shall we take a break to celebrate? OF COURSE NOT! hehe. I do have to admit that i was feeling a bit stupid because for a while there it seemed like i was complaining A LOT. apologies to anyone who was oddly unfortunate to read any of it. Im currently listening to the 2005 Victoria Secret Christmad compilation, currently on track 4 wich happens to be...Michael Bubble singing 'ill be home for christmad'...he kinda reminds me of sinatra, or at least the style he conveys...that 'loungy' style or something. hehe. hes not too bad...but anyway, amazingly long intro aside, its that time of the year that can take any ailment and make you forget about it. This sensation is even better when you dont have that many problems at all coming into the season. ive been doin that thinking that im so used to and ive actually come up with something new, wich by my current standards is odd. it was one of those thoughts that change my aspect on life a little. what if i was made this way? I complain and whine about nothing and its not my fault (possibly). i was just toying with the thought of global/human conditioning. its obvious that todays society has an effect on our media and our media has an effect on society, or at least people make big deals making it seem like this. with everyone complaining about movies and video games messing with our minds and with todays media being so cuthroat and money grubbin. maybe its a side effect that todays teens have become what they have become because of the way the world is conducted. since we cant evolve physically too much more it would make sense that our minds will keep growing. no teen wants to complain, or get sad, or deal with drama the way we normally deal with drama. do we handle things a certain way because thats what we were taught growing up. thats how not only our parents, but the world, has conditioned us to be. everything we here on the radio and in our music, everything we see on big and little screan, everything our friends and not friends say and do, and of course by every little thing our parents do since we are concieved. has the world turned us into something bad? normally id let something like this bring me down, but it actually cheers me up, because ive always found that as long as i know that there is a problem ive always been able to fix it or avoid it so it doesnt become a problem. i could possibly be the man who figures out the reason behind life. keep in touch...wait...WHO AM I TALKING TO!?!?! hehe. its good to be a little crazy.

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:: 2006 25 October :: 1.29 pm
:: Mood: dazed
:: Music: Dir En Grey - Kodoku Ni Shisu, Yueni Kodoku

its not all bad.
either of become better at rolling or things just arent getting to me as much as they used to. rolling as in rolling with the punches, because i think ive gotten myself to actually believe that (despite my disbelief in fate and all things alike) all the bad things that happen to me are for a good reason, that reason being, to start or be apart of the chain reactions for the good crap that happens to me in my life. now of course id i didnt have to over analyze it id have just told you that things are better because im learning to roll with the punches. a good ammount of ok stuff is happening to me quite often so im complaining less and less every day, and with the holidays coming up and the promise of winter weather, i think things will be looking up for a while, but the thing i have to realize is that they will be looking up in a completely different way, wich i have to accept. its good to have some sort of grasp on wether or not things will be looking up.

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:: 2006 22 October :: 9.36 am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: blank

9.5 am on a sunday...moral is low...losing conciousness...cant...go..ALRIGHT enough with the theatrics. good morning to few and fewer. im up this early because of parents, plain and simple, no use elaborating, simply put im up because of parents. will i be happy when im away from them? whos to say anything really, of course its leaning toward yes, but we wont put my parents down for the count yet. should be a family filled funtastic funderful night. maybe with some cheetos in the middle 'if' i play me cards right. i hope everyone has a great time mostly not reading this.

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:: 2006 20 October :: 4.22 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: 30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill

Late Night/Early Morning
i find that i dont sleep as much as id want to. wich is kind of odd considering i have the time to sleep. what could be wrong? 4:24 in the a.m. with school in a few hours, all i can say is thank ___ its friday (insert religious figure ____ ). ive been struggling the past few days with myself because it seems that something has really altered who i am, and im worried that ive already changed and i cant turn back. nobody ever talks about the bad stuff of anything yet its there to bite you in the ass whenever is most inconvinient. am i more of a bad person in the end? i dont think i have ever been this secluded ever. ive never not had friends. exactly how does anyone (mostly me) expect to be motivated if absolutely nothing currently in my life motivated me to do anything...on a lighter note i have actually been motivated these past few find out where the new bridge goes that they spent like 3 months putting up, causing so many traffic jams. it looks like its some sort of walking or bike path, wich for some strange frickin reason is appealing to me. go figure it considered journal etiquette to keep listening to the same song that you put even though this is your 3rd time listening to it? DAMNIT i need some woohu buddies to clue me in on the happenings of all this. im such a...n00b i believe they are called.hehe...trying not to fall into the stereotypical behavior for most journal-ers i will tell you that ive been suprisingly chipper these past few days. i could either be possibly accepting things as they are or they are puping something through the air vents at school. ive really been wanting to talk about my love life, but its been hard because thats always a touchy subject, i dont have much to talk about because i havent known love since early middle school (if it really was love). but since then its not that i havent had the opportunity to fall back in love...well...actually yes it is, because i havent dated anybody for longer than a few weeks since middle school. pathetic? no of course least not untill i tell you that since early middle school ive been with 3 girls. i dont get how i actually forgot the feeling, cause i remember how amazed i was at the time. i do miss it, but im not talking about going to go jump in the shower and watch some toons before i head into class.

~often times i wonder if im talking to myself through an online journal i paid 5 dollars for~


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:: 2006 18 October :: 7.12 pm
:: Mood: waiting
:: Music: Cranberries - Zombie

Its just another day.
In the life of me. Absolutely nothing is going on in my life (whats new eh). People come up to me and ask 'whats new?' and i reply 'not a damn thing' and of course i say this outloud to nobody because there really wasnt anyone there in the first place. forgive me if a sound bitter at the many many bad turns of events called my life. I was thinking to myself how when you break it down, you have two ways to live. You can either work your ass off your entire life just to make sure your life doesnt have 'too' many problems. and i say too many problems because no matter how hard you work yourll always have problems. or you could be a bum. work your ass off or be a bum. There is no middle ground of anything. Worry about material things and money and bills or not worry about them at all and get used to a bums me its crappy, why does it take so much to be happy? nobody wants to live on the streets all there lives and nobody ever smiles once when they have to pay for something in there life. double edged sword that will cut you no matter what you do in old friends used to tell me how listening to me and my ideals makes them want to lemming off a cliff...(for those of you who have no idea what 'lemming of a cliff' means..i Its just my cute way of saying 'Jump of a cliff') so ill say right now if you have been reading this do not think about anything i say for longer than it takes you to read it in your head. I talk all the time and sometimes i forget what comes out.hehe. since there isnt anything to be said about today, im done. i hope whoever is reading this has a masculine child. everyone be happy

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:: 2006 17 October :: 3.20 pm
:: Mood: chill
:: Music: Recieving End of Sirens - Planning a Prison Break

Up to speed.
alright so pretty much my life up untill now has being in highschool is as lame as everyone whos been to highschool has proclaimed many times before in the past. the only complaints i have is everyone is literally stuck up pieces of ignorant crap that for the life of me i cant seem to get along with, and i'm not sure the quality of the school is up to par, but since i dont know exactly what 'par' is (seeing as this has been my only highschool) i cant really complain, so all in all im ok with school for now and i have little to no complaints. i 'will' say that if something in my life doesnt change drasticaly before the end of school i will end up going crazy and possibly killing many people, because while i have no problems with school...i do have problems with the rest of my life (or what little life i do have)... im in a completely new place. i dont now anybody and everybody who i come in contact with at school is a bunch of jerks. if i had to break it down to its roots than id have to say my main problem with my life right now is the fact that im alone, and always amazingly bored. i go to school and come home. the only real friend i truly did have had to move away because if he didnt he would have that kinda sucked. im sick of how life just keeps proving that all its supposed to do is kick us constantly even when we are down. everyone watch as the worlds biggest optimist becomes a pessimist! ive been dealing with it for a while now so its gotten to a point where it doesnt hurt as much as it used to, so im not complaining about it but i am...if that makes sense. i just want something to change. i just want to meet a nice girl, someone who i can talk to, cause hot damn i miss talking to people. sometimes its unbearable and the rest of the time its just 'whatever'. im thinking really hard and i cant seem to remember my last happy moment that didnt involve some altered state inducing substance...*sigh*...just another thing to add to my list of crap that i dont neccasarily like about my life...a substance abuse problem. i dont think ill ever let it get that far. of course this is all pessimism. believe that this isnt complaining. this is long awaited venting. it just sucks that i have to do it to a website...

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:: 2006 15 October :: 7.37 pm
:: Mood: whatever
:: Music: a static lullaby - let go

Life is
My first ever official journal entry. Im the slowest teen in the world. I dont even know what to say. hehe..i guess ill start with an intro.. im Kent Solice born and raised in Newark New Jersey. Highschool is not my friend, and long walks on the beach dont beat midnite picnics on the same beach with a wonderuful girl. I'm here because i like making friends and i was just never good at it in the "real world", that and ive always wanted to talk to myself..hehe. Hopefully i didnt waste 5 bucks on this..:-)...ill write soon, and i promise as soon as i can figure out how to make things not bland. Then I'll do it.

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