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duckie (profile) wrote,
on 4-24-2008 at 7:45pm
Subject: I miss my friend.
So.. my best friend's mom had has breast cancer. She went in for a mastectomy last week, and she's been at home for nearly a week now recovering. When she got home from the hospital, Chassa, the best friend, told me that they were supposed to tell her 3 days after her surgery if the cancer had spread, but they didn't say anything. They started beating around the bush, saying that they needed to set up appointments and all the other bullshit that they do when there's bad news, but they just won't come out and say it for whatever reason.

I knew at that moment that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes [that's what they did a biopsy on to see if it had spread], but I said what I could to be optimistic for Chassa. I was afraid for the first time in my friendship with her to be perfectly honest about what I thought.

She sent me a text a little while ago informing me that the cancer had in fact spread. Her operation is scheduled for May 7th which is 2 days before Pj and I are driving into Waukesha to see her. I have been spending the last 45 minutes or so wondering what to say or what to do because I'm clueless. I tried thinking of everything I heard when my dad had cancer, and I tried thinking of everything I wanted to hear, but that part of my life is completely blocked out. I don't remember feeling any kind of emotion. All I want to do is be there with her and drink, because I know that's what she wants, and I know that's what she would do with me if our roles were reversed. She's not an alcoholic by any means, but it's a release, and it makes the pain go away if only for a little while.

I am 5 hours away from my best friend, and I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to say to comfort her. I feel helpless.

I'm not a very religious person, but I pray to God that her mom makes it through this. I don't know how serious it all is because her mom didn't want to talk about it, and Chassa wasn't the one that talked to the doctor. I just hope that she makes it through.

I tried cleaning out Lucy [my car] to get my mind off things, and I failed miserably. I think I might call my dad though. Despite everything that him and I have been through, I feel like he's my best friend which is weird. I should hate him. I should want him to be rotting in prison. I should want him dead. I don't. I just want him to hug me, call me Tink, and let me know that everything is going to be okay.

Everything is always okay when he says it is.
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buttercupistiny

04-25-08 12:22am

Sometimes, just knowing that a friend cares is more than enough. I'm sure that you bring Chassa comfort just by supporting her through this. For some things, there are no proper words. I'll keep all of you in my prayers, even though I have no idea who you are.

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duckie

Re:, 04-25-08 9:02am

That's extremely kind, thank you.

*friends you*

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