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violet-winter-fields (profile) wrote,
on 4-25-2008 at 1:35am
Current mood: bitchy
Music: Asheville by They Might Be Giants
Subject: I'm the Orange Peel
Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm the orange peel. You don't remember, but I was once part of your orange. I'm the peel that you left on the floor, you took the good part and walked out the door, and I hate you for that. I hate you for that.

But that's only half of me. Maybe more, but I'm not sure. It is one of two parts of me, that's for sure, so I guess you could call it half, technically. Whether or not it's a 50/50 split is another matter altogether.

So yeah, one part of me wishes you would rot in hell. Part of me wishes you all the unhappiness in the world. It's the part you didn't want to see or hear. It's the part that hopes you regret your decision. It's the part that wants to say so many more hurtful things. Things like, "I relocated my whole fucking life for you, how is that not living free enough to do so?", "I'm sorry I look better in clothes than you, but this is who I am, I thought you liked it.", "How else am I going to please you when you reject my offers to buy you things and then get mad when I buy things for myself that you hint will look good on me?", and "Oh, and don't worry about leaving me for a 'stupid' reason, I'm used to it as every relationship I've had has been like this. I get told I'm wonderful, beautiful, and perfect yet they leave me. I even had someone say once, 'I'm crazy to leave you like this as girls would kill for a guy like you, but...' Makes me wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong."

Then the other part of me thinks about things and wants you to be happy. It's the part that loves you enough to want you to be with someone you actually want so you'll be glad. It's the part that you saw last night. The part that is glad he could help you realize where your true feelings are.

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04-25-08 10:11pm

I never asked you to reloacate for me. I never asked you to make a jump decision. Over and over I told you to not do it for me.

I told you I would try to make myself be okay with your crossdresing. I told you that was the reason that I CAN'T DATE CROSSDRESSERS!
It sucks that I couldn't just rip my heart out and have a nice stern conversation with it telling it to switch it's whole fucking being and love you.

But some things just don't work that way.

(reply to this)


Re:, 04-25-08 11:21pm

I know all that. I didn't move for you, I moved for me. I was sure you would make me happier than I was back home. No, I'm not blaming you for anything, I just needed to get all that shit off my chest. The part of me that wants you to be happy is far outweighing the part that wants you miserable. I don't understand you nor do I think I ever will, but such is life. I honestly wish all the best for you. I don't regret anything. Everything I experience teaches me things. I wouldn't trade my experience for anything. Now go life your life with Jon regret free. I'll call you when I get off tomorrow so we can trade games back.

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