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squallet (profile) wrote,
on 9-30-2010 at 2:58am
Current mood: nostalgic
Music: "2 Voiny" by SLOT
Subject: I've worn out my apologies for you.
Just because I can't forget doesn't make me weak.
It just means that I'm strong enough to acknowledge the past.
I just wish you'd grow up and get over yourself.

Sure, I remember, I cry, I'm human. I'm not afraid to let people see that I'm not perfect.
I miss running around town being crazy teenagers, and staying up at all-night sleepovers.
I miss having you in my life, I miss someone who I thought was a true friend.
But to have let something so stupid tear us apart for over three years now.
Dear GOD that is so stupid.

I try not to be bitter, I try not to cry.
But at least I'm strong enough to remember.
And at least I have the guts to say that I miss you in my life.

I was forced to see you about 4 months ago because we happened to be in the same place.
I know you saw me because you intentionally ran the other way.
I spent that night crying, and you probably didn't even spare a glance.
I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to make things better.

I'd really hoped that 3 years had been long enough to finally let go of stupid shit.
I guess not.

I just don't know why you harbor so much hatred.
Did our friendship really mean nothing to you?
I guess so.

Even now, I'm crying remembering, but I'm not ashamed.
At least I know I have the heart to care.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever even think about those memories years ago.
Why are you so afraid?

But the thing is... I'm done apologizing.
Something stupid happened.
So fucking what?
It's not like there was some huge fucking conspiracy theory.
I can't help it my ex is a fucking psycho.
You're so ignorant, you don't even know what fucking happened.
You act so fucking high and mighty.
Then you cry all alone because you secretly hate yourself.

Well you know what?
Get over it.
You pushed everyone away.

The sad thing is that I'm still right here, and I still actually give a damn about you.
I really shouldn't, with how much of a bitch you've been.
You probably think of me with that little flare of hatred.
But guess what? When that flare goes out, I know somewhere deep down, it'll hurt.
Because as cold as you act, I know there's a heart in there somewhere.

You know, when I met you 6 years ago, I really thought you'd be one of my only lifelong friends.
I guess I was wrong.
And you know what?
That realization still hurts.

So here's me saying that I've tried to apologize too many times.
Every time, you've evaded me, ran away, hid.
Now who's the coward?
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09-30-10 6:10pm

I just have one thing to suggest. Don't feel bad for her or want to be her friend again. I've been in this situation before. It only ends up how it ended in the first place, if not worse. So just spare yourself the regret, hatred, irritation, what have you, and deal with the "loss". If she was ever really your friend, she wouldn't have made a big deal out of what seems to be nothing. I'm not saying people don't make mistakes (I've definitely learned the hard way), but if it's been going on for 3 years (the you fighting or not talking thing), just let it go. It will be better for the both of you.

Again, just from personal experience. Not even

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Re: , 09-30-10 6:30pm

Thank you for the advice. You're absolutely right. I've wasted way too much time hoping that she'd get over herself and stop acting like a child. Long story short, my ex-boyfriend did something really stupid about 3 years ago that she thought I had some part in, and hasn't talked to me since that day, not even to let me explain that I had nothing to do with it.

I figure that it was only a matter of time until she found something else to make a big deal out of. Over time, she's really ended up pushing mostly everyone away because she thinks she's better than everyone, when in reality she can't stand herself.

Sigh. I just don't understand the point of hatred. I try not to let it get to me. Writing things down here is so therapeutic though! :P

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