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xelferdarkx (profile) wrote,
on 6-10-2011 at 7:18am
Current mood: lonely
Music: Thoughts running in my head about things.
Subject: Pretty sure.
Everything i read, see, or think. All of it. I'm consumed by it. I miss it. everything i do links me back to it. I'm obsessed. I'm confused. I can't stop thinking about my mistakes. The hell i've caused others and myself.

Everything is nothing to me right now. Everyday is feels meshed into the day before like nothing has changed in a while. For over a month my life has been on pause and i can't find the button to unpause my life. That's because i Forced away the controller to the best game in my life. I listen to other people tell thier stories about how everything is for them and i get jealous of my past. Regret is hauting me everyday with everything i touch, smell, hear, or say.

I smell like tacos don't I?

Yeah you do, its ok because your son likes it.

My back hurts, but sitting here makes it feel better.

Everything is reflecting back to me and I am becoming more clear of the devastation i've caused. The lives i've changed and can't burden on my broken shoulders.

Everything i have been doing was a part of a life i had promised another.

A life that i can never live up to deserving.

I can finally feel the weight...


All i can do now it let it collapse and catch as many pieces as i can ever hold of this past and future.

I'll forever cherish each piece i hold within my grasp and love you forever.
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06-10-11 6:19pm

Humans are funny things, we always focus so much on the past and ever assume that the future can be changed. All you need to do is keep moving forward even if it takes some risk. Take it from someone who is constantly up at night re-evaluating the past and getting no-where. Nothing can ever change, not for the better or worse if you don't try to change it for yourself.

I just said this like 3 minutes ago to someone else:
"Just stick with it, everything takes entirely too much effort but with the right attitude you can make it your own."

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