Dear Justin,
Tonight is hard. My head hurts, my back aches, my stomach has been cramping all day, my legs are sore, and my shoulders and neck are so tense I can hardly move. I didn't want to cry tonight. my tears sting and itch, burning humiliating rivulets down my cheeks. Sleep is both so close and so out of reach. I press myself against the wall, pulling the covers as close as I can, heating pad resting on my stomach, a last ditch attempt to calm the cramping. I turn out the light, and switch iTunes to my nocturnal playlist. Tonight every song reminds me of you, there is no escape from how completely you have permeated my world. I hear your voice, feel your hands caress my shoulders, settling on my waist. I feel your stomach rise and fall against my back. your heartbeat the most comforting sound I know. your breath, warm as it blows past my ear and neck. nestled against your chest I am safe. I feel your leg on my hip, at last my confinement is complete and sleep can ensue. Reality interrupts. I realize you aren't here, and won't be for another nine months.It will be another four months until I see you again. I wonder how you're sleeping. I wonder if we'll ever get this marriage off the ground. I miss you.

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