Too Cute To Be Str8

Too Cute To Be Str8

:: 2005 8 October :: 10.48am
:: Mood: sleepy

Just woke up
Woke up in a much better mood today than I was last night. I think overall I've gotta just stop letting the little things get to me. I read way into things that I shouldnt. Thats my goal for the next few weeks... that and to seriously work on not smoking so much.

Today I'm gonna be home all day, what a loser right? Yes, I am a loser. But a loser with homework to do. So that is my plan, to do as much homework as humanly possible so that I can do other things with my life later today, tomorrow, and even in the week. My goal is to be done by 3 when I have to pick up Ashley. Then I think I wanna go tanning then come home and finish my homework if there is any left, which there shouldnt be.

Better get crackin!

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 6 October :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: groggy

I'm kinda sleepy
Today is just one of those days. I have nothing that I need to get done and nothing that I really feel like doing. I just feel like a lump. I was way looking forward to today until it started. I really have nothing to do today, no car either, so I was looking forward to just sleeping till I woke up then doing my homework and having a very responsible day. Well, work called at 10 and then I was up. Ashley was on a lets go out and do something kick, so I went tanning then to meijer. Bought a toaster... now I can toast my bagels YUM! So, it was a good day, just not the one I had planned.
Also talked to mom today about the car search. Dad has my car all picked out in his head, he just has to find it now. From the sounds of it he is very set on getting me a Ford. And I am really car dumb so I just kinda go with whatever he says. So Ford, car, either a Taurus or an Escourt. And I think he wants me to have a 6 cylinder so it looks like he's out to find a Ford Taurus. So if anyone you know.....
Back to my groggy feeling. Yep, I dunno what it is lately that is making me feel like this. I have moments where I'm happy and when I'm in a good mood, but really I just feel kinda hollow. Meh who knows, will get over it right? Might try the church thing, been awhile since I've gone. And now I pretty much always work on Sundays, so we'll see what I can do. Kari gets so excited about going to church on Sundays, I should find where she goes and go. OH I talked to Kari today... I love that girl and I miss her so much. We never get to work together anymore which is a shame cuz shes definitely my favorite. One day I might just go in just to see her!
Now I'm gonna take a nap and wake up in a much better mood... then shower, I smell like tanning.

1 comment | Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 4 October :: 7.32pm
:: Mood: not good

balh
Ever had those days where you just feel alone? Well today is that day. Think about it, I basically live alone, I dont really have friends at school, nor do I really have friends here in Cedar. I miss Grand Valley. I miss having people who care about me around everyday. I dont like this living in Cedar thing. It just makes me feel alone.

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 3 October :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: grrrr

Why does my date work here and not at my apartment?
So I'm at my parents house. Why? Cuz on my way home from class today I decided to get food in Cedar. That doesn't explain while I'm here huh? Well cuz during the process of getting food my car didn't start again. Which has been a problem lately. It not starting, it squeeking, the random almost stalls, and most recently the not so important door. Well, I vowed not to tell dad about it as he does not believe these problems really exist. So after about 15 minutes of trying to start my car (not concecutively I know that if you try too much its bad) it still didnt start. So I called dad and told him what was wrong. He, of course, got grumpy. So I got grumpy back. I told him that I just needed to be picked up or he could try to start it and that it would prolly work for him since everything always works for him. I told him that its not the first time it happened (he should know that though as I've had to call mom for non-start issues before). So he got grumpy of "grrr why doesnt your car work and why dont you tell me these things" To which my not so smart answer was "because you never believe me, you think I'm just making everything up and that I'm just a dumb girl who doesnt know how to work a car!" Then my car started and I dove it here so he can look at it. Yeah, hes not gonna find anything, its been in the shop 3 times, what makes me think its gonna magically fix itself today? Grrr I hate cars. I also made the mistake of telling him that one day this is going to happen in Muskegon and then whats he gonna want me to do? That just made him more grumpy cuz I dont think he likes to think about me breaking down all the way in Muskegon. But come on folks I almost died earlier and then almost stranded somewhere else... pretty soon my almosts arent going to be almosts. (oh and I almost died by pullin out into traffic to have my car almost stall... no worries though, I pulled over and made it work)

I woke up this morning thinking it was going to be a bad day. And I thought that it was bad becasue I left my cell phone at home (at least I hope its at home.) And I thought I wouldnt do so great on my med term quiz. Turns out the phone thing does suck, but I lived without it and I did pretty well on my med terms. Dunno my grade yet, but I feel as though I didnt suck it up a lot.

So to sum up my day so far... no good
yeah for med term quiz, boo for cars
someone make me smile.

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 1 October :: 6.30pm
:: Mood: meh

For real much better
Much Much better. Thats all I have to say. I worked today, got out at 6 instead of 5:30 cuz no one told me what time it was. Basically I worked alone today and I loved it. Gave me time to re-adjust my head. I guess every year the whole store has to count everything that it has. So I sat in the old speaker room and counted all of our candy. Fun huh? Nope, but it gave me time to think. I think that I dont think enough. I tend to push everything aside and tell myself I'll have time to deal with it later. Well guess what? I never have time later. So eventually everything gets so stuffed up that I'll freak out over something tiny. Like last night. So it was good just to sit and think things through.
I've had a lot of life changes recently and I've kinda just ran with em. Never thought them through that much. So I had time to do that. I mean think about it, I switched schools, moved, thought I'd move again, didnt move, gained a bf, and a cat (the cat was more thinking than youd ever imagine). And basically I came up with that I'm really glad with the way my life is going. While I dont have friends at school and I'm sad to leave my old ones I think it is a smart choice to switch and Im slowly making new friends, I mean come on its been 2 days. The move with Ashley I dunno about. I like it but I dont. I think my main issue is that she is never here. It'd be nice to have someone to help clean (for as little as that girls here she sure makes a mess) and to have someone here when I ligitamately have questions (I dont have the landlords number). Charlie, I can't say enough good things about. He's completely unlike my ex's which is great. If he was like any of my ex's I'd worry... afterall, they are ex's. But he treats me so wonderfully that I think it just takes some getting used to. Its sad when you have to adjust to being treated nicely. Then theres Lola. I love her to death but she is so much work. Ashley brought her home and I think hasnt fed her yet. So basically shes my responcibility, and one I dont really want. But I love her ya know, how can you get rid of a cat? If she wasnt here I'd miss her. Life would be easier, but I'd miss her.
Well, thoughts are all outta my head... now to put some med terms in!

And if you read this Charlie, call, IM, or stop by. Nothing important, just wanna say hi!

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 1 October :: 10.42am
:: Mood: accomplished

much better
So last night was a weird mood huh? I think I'm better now. I've just about convinced myself that it's all just me being weird... Just about.

Today I'm in a pretty blah mood. Not really happy, but definitely not sad either. Just blah.

I did however wake up early and do some homework. 5/8 lessons for my med term class. So after work I just have to finish that then work on my oral comm homework (a brain dead idiot could do my oral comm homework). So yeah, big night in store for me huh?

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 1 October :: 12.44am
:: Mood: thinky

tonights been a night
Well, I'll start out by saying today was great. I had so much fun with red flannel. It was great to see my sister and of course great to spend the day with Charlie. The combo of last night's football game and movie with todays activities was just great and I loved every minute of it.

Then we have tonight. Started off well enough, then through my own big mouth ran into some issues. Lotsa deep coversation. And all this conversation started me to think.

I thought about some issues that I've always had, and then some new ones. Gotta say I'm not even remotely happy right now. Just as Charlie was about to start his sneezing attack (cute sneezes by the way hunny) he said some things that made me think. And I know that words always come out differently than intended but here are my thoughts.

There are certain words out there that can make you feel the best possible way ever if used in one context and absolutely horrible if used in another. People always say love is a big word. It'd fall into this catagory that I'm talking about right now though. If someone you care about tells you that they love you it feels absolutely amazing, but on the other hand if someone were to say that loving you was a mistake, then youd feel really bad.
The words that were used to spark this entry were "never" and "100%" (or basically, always). Two words that since little kid-ness we've known are big words but we use so lightly now. So all this talk about english prolly leaves everyone wondering why I'm in such a poor mood and why I'm just basically unhappy.
Well, I know Charlie likes me, I dont doubt that at all. And I know that he doesnt mean to hurt me and that this entry is basically gonna be a buncha "mica's hurt, but all over something that she read too much into because it wasnt meant to come out the way something was said." I know thats what it is, but I'm in this thinky mood, so obviously here I am typing my thoughts.
What was said was this (slightly changed so yall dont know the true topic of what we were talking about):
"You'll never get me to ________"
and
"I'll never know 100% __________"
So I guess 100% isnt such a big deal, but the nevers are. I just feel as though these nevers say a lot more than they should. Its not like the first one was "you'll never get me to go tanning" it was about something larger. And between the two statements (made one right after another) it just sounds like I'm setting myself up to be hurt. Not that the topic we were talking about is that important (I'm gonna go on a boycott actually) but just that what the topic is means a lot. It's the sentiment behind the action that means oh so much. And I guess saying that makes me glad that the never was in effect tonight, but at the same time, never... its a scary word. And all this never talk just makes me think that never really means never. When I know it prolly means not right now. Its just been one of those dramatic nights where I over react. And I know this (or at least I hope I'm right about me just over reacting) Its just that certain words can really hurt ya, ya know. Even when unintentional, they hurt. And I'm doing it to myself which sucks the most. I'm not mad at anyone, I fully realize that this is all my doing. But that doesnt mean that you cant hurt yourself sometimes.

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 29 September :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: SO EXCITED

WOO HOO
Today is my birthday! Woooooooooo!

I am excited for more than my birthday though. Dena called me to give me my birthday hint (side note- she defintely got me the BEST present ever... sorry hun, you wont be able to top this). But anyway, she called and told me that her and BJ are going out tomorrow... he's bringing someone else too though. Kinda weird, but hey whatev. I was excited that they are keeping in touch now.

Now I must nap before I can meet charlie at 9:20 at IHOP. I like Charlie, and I like IHOP, so tonight is gonna be a great night!

1 comment | Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 28 September :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: woo hoo

tomorrow is the day
Tomorrow is the big day... my birthday! Now, I'm really excited about it and I hope all goes well with all. I have to work, 10-3:15 which is NOT a bad birthday shift. So everyone should wish me a happy birthday, although no one reads my journal but Charlie... so hunny I expect a happy birthday from you too!

Just outta school I think I have the dumbest lab prof ever. He doesnt know how to teach or space time or any of that good teacher stuff.

Made lots more friends today though which is nice. Its nice to make new friends.

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 27 September :: 10.41am
:: Mood: happy

better
Well folks I'm in a much better mood now that first day of school is done and I'm on my day off.
Yesterday school was good. Then came home for a much needed nap. Charlie came over. Then I went to bed. Good day overall.
Today I'm goin out with Ashley. Fun times shopping. Then gonna come home and do homework. Charlie is stopping by late. Then Ashley is gonna come home so we can clean. It's gonna be so nice to have a clean house!
Also of importance... 2 days till my birthday! 9:01 pm on the 29th... happy birthday to me! I hope there is cake involved! Doubt it, but a girl can hope

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 25 September :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: emotional

ick
So today is just an emotional day for me. I've had my ups and I've had my downs. So lets start at the beginning...

I wake up: next to Charlie, after a fantastic weekend. And I'm happy, very tired, but very happy.
I go to work: I don't like work on Sundays, 11-7 ick. But I was running a little later than I like to be, only 5 minutes early. So I felt a little rushed.
I am at work: Customers were just mean, and everyone at work was just in a bad mood.
Still at work: I decide that there will be no more grumpy, it works for like a minute.
Out of work: I meet mom at the shop to take my car in and I'm a little happy.
I get home from the shop: Good mood, getting all excited about my first day of school.
I am home: Call from Ashley, she filed financial aid a little too late and gets nothing. So she has to drop her classes. So I have no car and school tomorrow. But she brings home her car for me to use.
Ashley is here: Now I have to figure out where I want to live and what I can afford. Blah
Here by myself: Crying, I dont like today
Little later: realize it's pathetic to cry and I write in my journal
Future: cuddling up with a cat and hoping to hear from Charlie because its just that kinda night... not really thinking its gonna happen though... OH wait he just IMed!

I'll get over this. Everything always works out right? Well, we hope so at least.

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 23 September :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: somethins differnt

read my mood
Yes, there is something different about me. It is a very good different though. I feel more relaxed. This has got me thinking though, and I dont like the thoughts.

I always liked to think that I was an independent girl and it didnt matter to me if I had a bf or not (sorry so many bf posts, but its a big adjustment). I always thought that I did my own thing and I made my own decisions and those things wouldnt change, relationship or no relationship. But now that I'm with someone again I feel as though I've changed. I've noticed that I'm more relaxed around guys. Guys at work I joke more and I'm more relaxed. Not that I was uptight and no fun before. Its just now I could care less what they think of me because I just dont need to care. So I guess thats good, but I never thought I needed to be in a relationship for that to happen. I never really cared what people thought, but now I REALLY dont care. It's weird.

Also just all around I feel more relaxed. I dont feel as though I need a guy around as much as before. Ok, so no surprise sex was/is a big deal in my life. And before I'd just kinda wing it and I'd end up finding someone (a friend or one of the people that I had already been with) and I'd end up doing something, sex or non sex. And then I'd go on and live my life. Not a big deal. But now it seems so much more important (yes it shouldda been this important before and looking back I wish it were).

Just all around I feel different. I wish I wouldda felt like this without someone. Not that I plan on breaking up (Lord I dont plan on it) but we all know that I'm pretty pessimistic about relationships, SO if and when we break up I vow to feel like this even without someone. But again, I'm not hoping for a break up by any means... wow I need to knock on all sortsa wood! Good thing ash and I bought this desk!

Ok one hour till go time and I'm really excited about it. Friday night with Charlie I'm really pumped! So thats all yall get!

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 23 September :: 12.23am
:: Mood: oh so happy

I win
Well I read it tonight. Gotta say reading others journals make me smile. And I think that I must sensor much more than you because I have much more to sensor.

Problem with sensorship is that it never stays in the dark. I am seriously worried that my drunken Saturday will show all that I am trying to hide. I tend to babble when I'm drunk. And while the person I'm trying to hide stuff from has expierenced this already, before I had nothing to hide, now I do. Nothing bad, just again with that 'lets not weird people out' stuff.

Well, more to think of. But Ashley and I decided to start planning our honneymoon... not with eachother, but apart, with husbands of our own, apart.

Also, tomorrow, I work, not sure till when but I think its longer than I worked today... gross. Hoping for something to perk up my day. Thinking that Grand Valley isnt going to pan out as there are many people coming to the valley from Sturgis or Saginaw or some S town. So, who knows whats up. Maybe sleep since I again failed at that tonight.

Gonna go try to be in bed by 1.

Comment On This

justplainolemica

:: 2005 22 September :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: optimistic

Big sigh
I think that I shouldnt write so much in this here journal about recent events. And by recent events I mean Charlie and I are dating now. It's good. It's very good. I just dont want to say too much on here that is gonna way weird him out. But it's sad because obviously I have thoughts. Lotsa thoughts.

The big overwhelming thought is wow.

But I will not expose myself further. I feel as though if I say all that is in my head I'll be thought of as weird. But it's a good thing when you wake up still happy, look at your cat, and all you can say is "we kinda like this kid huh Lola?"

Enough of that. So I worked all day today, good day though. Time went by super fast and I worked with someone I enjoy working with. Side note, two people I didnt like to work with dont work there anymore... only one left! hehehe. I feel as though a best buy shopping spree is soon in order. There is a dorky CD I want, along with a new DVD player for the bedroom, and maybe a remote for the TV, and of course some movies. But I have to hold off as my birthday is only a week away.

Speaking of birthdays Grandma and Grandpa I think got lost on what day my birthday is. They are usually very on top of things. And its weird that I got a card a week early from them... maybe they thought it was the 23rd?

Went home for a little bit after work as I almost got into a car accident on the way home. My car has been in the shop twice, with lotsa moneys worth of work into it and I still almost died. So dad said to take it to one more shop and if they cant DEFINITELY tell us whats wrong (he said it sounds like new transmission is needed) then we go car shopping... so lets all hope that they cant say whats wrong!

Kinda tired tonight. These 2am hangouts are killin me. I love em to pieces but they make a girl tired. Might go to bed early tonight (so dont worry if you dont catch me today). But maybe we'll try for tomorrow. And obviously definitely Saturday.

Tomorrow has a high chance of GVSU drinking. We'll see though.

Charlie can call me tonight or tomorrow if he wants, my number will be on my MSN name.