Jealousy.

i have decided my biggest issue is jealousy. I am jealous of her, and she is lucky; because I messed up. I ruined what I had, and what I had was better than anything I will ever get again. I realized it when its too late and there is absolutly nothing I can do about it. Yeah, he knows I miss him, He knows what I did was wrong, and his way of not letting me forget that is by not rubbing it in my face but by letting me find out little bits of information about her, from other people. Anyways, whatever else is bothering me, I know what it is, its my whole self-confidence/ self-hate issue. I know I dont like myself and I know I let it get to me, and I know its wrong and I know that its what kills me most. Grr. Life is so overrated. What the hell is wrong with me?


I cant take it anymore, what the hell is going on? :o/

grrrrrrrrrRRRRR

if had a pretty shitty day, sat home alllll day doing my history project and other homework, then went to the USY thing for a little, left early, then got in trouble. Like honestly, this day sucked for the most part. Definitly prozdor tomorrow is gonna be a beast..grrr....well to pass time and boredom i did this dumbass survey::enjoy::

A - Age you got your first kiss: 11
B - Band listening to right now: Hello Houston by The Starting Line
C - Crush: got someone in mind
D - Date: march 19
E - Easiest person to talk to: Lindsey, Steph, Adam,
F - Favorite bands/singers at the moment: a little of something corporate, taking back Sunday, safam, Dave Matthews, Ben Harper, Dispatch, Weezer, camp songs, etc
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? gummy bears
H - Hometown: East bum fuck
I - Instruments: I use to play the clarinet..i kno im an ex-band geek
J- Junior High: good times you didnt have to try and it was easy and it didn't count
K - Kids: i want 3...but not till im married the oldest has to be a boy
L - Longest car ride ever: Montreal in April of freshman year w/ pdor, but it was fun
M - Most memorable moment- got plenty
N - Nicknames slovout, slovs, mar-c, marcizzle, marcus, mcslovs, mslovs
O - One wish: t bring all the people ive lost back
P - Phobia[s]: dogs
Q - Quote: "Its not where you are, but who your with that matters most” (I gots more)
R - Reason to smile: it depends, it doesn’t always happen when it does it usually fake
S - Song you sang last: Wonderwall by Oaisis
T - Time you woke up [today]: 10:00
U - Unknown fact about me: um im not sure there is one..lol
V - Vegetable you hate: um I dunno theres a few
W - worst habit-- bitting my nails, crying
X - X-rays you've had: mouth, ankles, finger(s)
Y - Yummy food: um theres plenty
Z - Zodiac sign: pices

boredom
name: Jodi
nicknames: Jode, Jodizzle, Jodster, Jodes
birthday:: Febuary 23
location:: Natick!
sex:: female
hair color:: brown
eyes:: blue!!!
siblings and age:: Erica-12
pets:: none
job:: none :o)
zodiac sign:: pices
school:: Natick High

FAVORITES
color:: pink, blue, yellow, green,
number:: 8, 18
letter:: J
song:: Do You Like Pina Coladas?, Soco Amaretto Lime, Swiss Army Romance, Breakfast At Tiffanys, and so much more.. anything by Taking Back Sunday, The Starting Line, Ben Harper, Phish, Dave Matthews, Billy Joel, Jimmy Buffet, Green Day, Dispatch, Guster, Jack Johnson, etc etc
movie:: Mean Girls, Ferris Bueller, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite, Love & Basketball, and so many more
animal:: none really?
food:: french fries
pepsi or coke?:: pepsi usually
candy:: M&Ms, sweedish fish, etc
day of the week:: friday & sat.
month:: February, June, July & Early-mid August
store:: American Eagle, Louisa Louisa, H&M, Forever 21, etc etc
icecream:: Black rasberry, phish food, and cookie dough
sport:: vollyball, basketball, lacrosse, surfing, hockey, football
subject in school:: law...until mcdade retires this year :o(
holiday:: Chanukkah, Purim, and other randoms holidays sometimes
fruit:: watermellon, plums and nectarines
veggie:: cucumber...lol that sounds dirty but i dont mean it dirty
salt / pepper:: salt
season:: summer the most, but spring and fall and sometimes winter

OPPOSITE SEX
do you have a b/f or a g/f:: ...:o( not at the moment....
if so who::
do you have a crush:: yes
of so who:: ..he knows.
what do you first notice about the opposite sex:: smile, eyes, & body
biggest turn off:: smokers and guys who dont care about their girl
biggest turn on: when guys are themsleves, i love a good voice, and eyes :o)
what is your dream date::dinner by water at night, with city lights all around, walking holding hands, kissing by the water... well, thats possibly here in boston, but my real dream date: dinenr on the beach and lying looking at stars, holding hands, kissing...on the beach :o)

HAVE U EVER
been on a plane:: yes..plenty of times
been out of the country:: yeah
drank:: yeah
smoked:: yea..
been in love:: yes
been afraid:: yup
broken a bone:: nope, sprained stuff tho
driven a car:: yep
skipped school:: yea
met a celeberty:: sort of yeahh
written poetry:: yea

CHOOSE BETWEEN
christina or britney:: heither
coke or pepsi:: pepsi
vanilla or chocolate:: twist!
M&MS or skittles:: green m&m's and red skittles
movies or music:: music! but both really
stay up late or sleep in:: def both...it works both waysss
sun or moon:: sun but moon with stars on a date..hehe
short or tall:: taller than me, but not like ew too tall
cat or dog:: neither...dogs r cute but ew
newspaper or magazine:: magazine
McDonald's or Burger King:: McDonald's
happy or sad:: happy
serious or funny:: funny, but know how to be serious when needed
snow or rain:: Rain @ camp, and some snow...
run or walk:: both
rap or rock:: rock
radio or CD:: umm idk, ipod
curly or straight hair:: well my hair doesnt exactly curl...soo straight :) but i wish it would curl the few times I want it to!
spanish or french:: well i take spanish and i suck at it neways
truth or dare:: both
christmas or birthday:: birthday lol, im jewish
nintendo or playstation:: idk playstation
phone or IM: both definitlllyyy
breakfats or dinner:: um neither? i dunno which one...weird
sexy or cute:: both..sexy is good, but so is cute..
pen or pencil:: pen
blonde or brunette:: brunettes do it better
rich and dumb or poor and smart:: rich and smart..hehe :o)

DO U BELIEVE IN
love at first sight:: yea to some extent
miracles:: yes
magic:: yea not the harry potter kind but the love kind
fate::yeahh
destiny:: sometimes
guardin angels:: in some ways....
God:: depends

WHENS THE LAST TIME U
cried:: 2 nights ago...wed.
watched TV:: an hr ago
stay up past midnight:: last night
jumped on a bed:: idk
were at the beach:: umm... the summer? i miss it (cancun- 40 days)
took a shower:: this morining

FUTURE
who do you want to marry:: ...he knows
how many kids do you want:: 3
sons name:: Matthew, Joshua, i dunno
daughters name:: Mackenzie, Tara, Molly, i duno
job:: um lawyer, judge, physical therapist, party planner, director of camp pembroke!!!!!, FBI agent, etc
do you want to go to college:: yeahh
where do you want to go on your honeymoon:: sumwhere tropical & romantic

RANDOM
do you put posters in your room:: nope ...pics tho
do you read your horoscope:: everyday lol
what is your middle name:: Danielle
what color shirt are you wearing:: yellow (my AE fleece, CARRIE!)
who could you spend 24 hours with and not get the slightest bit annoyed with:: Adam, Em Berk, Lindsey,
do you like your handwriting:: isometimes
do you have braces:: nope never did
can you name all four teletubies:: tinki winky, dipsi, la la, poe
last school activity your participated in::Lacrosse currently
somethingyou support:: jewishness

....i was soooo freakin bored