home | profile | guestbook


The last dream

recent entries | past entries


godessalthena

:: 2017 17 August :: 5.39pm

looking forward to the future exhausts me to no end
thinking of all the days marching before me
looking at all the days that have marched past me
it's too much
it isn't enough
to keep me

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 17 August :: 2.09pm

i just want to know if i got the job

so i can tell this place fuck you very much

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 9 August :: 2.11pm

ugh

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 4 August :: 8.07pm

dabs drinks and r&b from the 2000s with friends

dreams really do come true

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 4 August :: 4.47pm

life is too short

to voluntarily enslave yourself

to misery

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 3 August :: 10.53am

today started really rough

had a mental breakdown right before my interview

hurt my back sitting on that orange couch last night

late payments and shitty IVR and customer service representatives

Now everything is squared away, i wish my belly would settle down


i really hope i get this. i need out. i'm breaking up with you, work, and it hurts me more than it'll ever hurt you.

why do you have to keep breaking my heart?

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 2 August :: 11.46pm

why do the hide men's faces in porn?

1 tulips | bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 28 July :: 9.07pm

i know im not alone in the way i feel

but how many other people feel this way

how do they cope

just one foot in front of the other?

it feels that simple but is it really?

i am losing my mind but i'm terrified to make a change

i settled into quicksand and i don't know if i can claw my way out

when i started at liberty it was a shining beacon of hope. i finally made it. i finally am going to make enough money to pay my bills and see the doctors i need. 7 years later and all i see is a dark moldy ship crawling it's way along a roiling black sea cannon shells marring the hull and we are all furiously bailing the toxic water out. i cry at work.i try to be a cheerleader because everyone is so buried in misery. and we just keep bailing while our muscles tear from the ligaments and the ligaments from the bone. and they tell us to smile "it could be worse". but hell is different for different people. and i can see it in everyone's eyes the trapped feeling they have. this suffocating doe eye expression claustrobia overtaking them the paper walls are tumbling on us and we and getting lacerated in the avalanche

how do we all keep going? how has no one snapped yet?

it's just too much.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 28 July :: 4.15pm

my soul
l(a
le
af
fa
ll
s)
one
l
iness

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 28 July :: 4.02pm

the mountains of pain
with roots wrapped deep

tendrils in my heart
squeeze out the joy wasted on the ground

face the fears and follies
all alone

tears stream
and i hold my own bucket

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 27 July :: 12.55pm

liberty ain't cheap and freedom ain't free
im a millennial, blame it all on me

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 24 July :: 3.41pm

didn't get the supervisor position i applied for.

not surprised not really disappointed just kinda meh

im ready for a new chapter im ready for a change but i'm just stuck stagnating

maybe a few more years and it'll be my time

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 23 July :: 1.00am

i just want to give myself to love completely

but there's something holding me back

as of yet a nameless creature stalking me silently from the shadows

went to a beautiful wedding today one where i felt the desire to share my heart in front of those i fear the judgement of the most

i want to bear my heart to someone

but fear leaves me standing in shade waiting for the beast to take me

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 20 July :: 12.28am

leaden wights pulling down on the corners of my broken heart
i harden to an icy black cold
shut down drowning the right words to say

vacuucuous hollow hole deep inside
where once was something pink and full

what is the future when you can't find a voice
hiding behind medicine enveloping conciousness
mirrors reveal a strange mystery

left thrashing furiously against the endless depth
leviathan melancholy
swallows the world whole

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 19 July :: 11.54pm

im in a shite mood.

never ever moving to the same town as those people.

i don't think i could handle it

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 18 July :: 10.15pm

it's hard not to feel somewhat bitter seeing everyone around you realizing your dreams while you are stuck on a hamster wheel.

i work so hard and i get nowhere

everyone around me works hard and gets to move forward

what's wrong with me

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 16 July :: 6.01pm

i have yet to see much of a difference between america and canada! gas is sold in an odd way. people still drive like buttholes.

it's been nothing but wind and smoke since we got here.. ahhhhh feels like home!

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 14 July :: 4.09pm

i love emily she is the best human being i know

i cannot fucking wait to visit canada for the first time!

spending 2 nights in waterton, surrounded by lakes and forests and glaciers (what's left of those)

it's going to be another epic trip! these yearly adventures are what keep me going.

adventure
thrills
daring escapes
saving princesses
slaying witches

YAS

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 6 July :: 11.17am

i was born no good

and no good is what i'll forever be

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2017 1 July :: 6.58am

im tired of always being the back up friend, the bank, the taxi.

im tired of always being a last resort. a go to when people dump you.

but no one is ever there for me when i need it. kind words are rare to come by.

my brother is probably my best friend right now, which is kinda fucked up. but at least he asks me if i'm ok.

im tired. so so tired.

bloom

Woohu.com | Random Journal