Fragile, but Hidden


friends | profile | guestbook

you made me real

recent entries | past entries

:: 2004 22 April :: 7.35 pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Sea of Sorrow-Alice in Chains

::hums solo::
Bloody hell!
Dinner with my parents tonight.
Bloody hell!
X.X ..XD
*sigh* Another day made me even angrier, but I'm actually in an ok mood right now. New pictures from today soon. Brandi and I went to the lake, and we saw this HUGE snake... @.@ lol. Then we went back because I had an urge to see it again. XD I'm so fucking stupid.

I ate so fucking much today ;_; *sigh*

2 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 21 April :: 5.25 pm
:: Mood: furious

WARNING: the following is journaling to help cure me of my current fury
Words cannot describe my hate for my bus driver and teachers. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them SO fucking much! And I hate the people's parents who think I'm a bad influence, and I hate those who don't like my attitude, and I just fucking hate it when a rude adult expects respect from me!
Oh, how I hate them. Whores. x.x;
How can they judge me like they do?
Whew... I don't think I've been this angry for years. I just feel like a little kid... "It's not fair!" "Why won't they leave me alone?" "It's not my fault!" Ugh. -.-


Going to the place with the thing today with the sharry. "Yay." ..not that it's not fun..... I'm just sick of arguing, and that's where I'm going. Where my attitude is just too much, where my opinions are unacceptable and discarded, where my voice is just a muffled echo...

I have a fucking SHITLOAD of it.
>>And they judge me for it.

ahh... now that's out of my system and I'm enjoying a coke. Yummm.

2 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 21 April :: 2.45 pm
:: Mood: progress...? okness
:: Music: Voices @_@

In Shakespeare, "doom" means "judgement." o.0
Also in shakespeare...
"Imp" means "child."
XD well, it's all good because I have ALL the sparksnotes...

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
Don't tell!
When I was a kid.. up to fourth grade I'd say.. all I wanted to do was be a writer. I went to a shitty school and they thought I was good at it. Built my confidence. I always put effort into it.
*sigh* then I switched schools in 5th and realized that it was all fake and stupid... just because I was a little better than some elementary kids from one of austin's crappiest schools didn't mean I was a good writer.
So I stopped caring...
What a disappointment =/.

Now it's time for art. How wonderful ^_^.

DiANE scored the HIGHEST for the big science contest-test yesterday! Good work =)!

Very excited about getting my moolah on the first, but also very worried about it being May, and myself having no money.... Damn it, I gotta pay laurel back o.0
I should get a job!

I spent an excessive amount of time typing this up (or so I think) because tis study hall and I don't want to do anything. XD.

My stomach HURTS! x.x

Lurve you.

Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 20 April :: 8.21 am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: TON

I feel like crap. x.x
I dunno why.

...My ears kept ringing, and I hate it!
Why do I bother?

Hmm. I dare everyone who reads this to send me an IM. It's a dare.

3 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 19 April :: 5.41 pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Anesthesia-TON

if you GIVE AN INCH will they TAKE A MILE?!
Mmm yes. I finally got it out of my system. I feel safe. ::weary smile::
hmm... liars....
Hopefully this headache will disappear soon.
What I want is an explanation to why I haven't been able to see clearly for a week, dammit!
It's kind of nice, actually.. ^_^...
If you gave me a reason
If you showed me a way
If you cleared up my vision
I'd let go of the day

Just throw away my pieces!
Throw them away
I would like some coffee.
But coffee makes your teeth yellow.
And my teeth aren't all that white anyway.
I think I'm gonna get some coffee =).

Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 19 April :: 2.41 pm
:: Mood: Flowing, irritated
:: Music: voices

Tis study hall.
Tis, Tis.
I found myself not being able to play guitar or sleep for a while, because of my mind being so cluttered with thought. I just can't make sense of it... why I can't fix it... I know that's a very silly question to ask, but it's running through my head.

Now we're on the same level, but we're worlds apart
There are some people in this world that I just want to murder violently.
But I won't, because I think that's unethical.
I could just get as far away as I can?
I don't want a good relationship with my parents. It sickens me to think of it. So, there, that's taken care of.
o.o my mom's friends would not leave last night! xP I have a headache.. from their music I think... ^^;
I went into the room to erase the messege and my dad started yelling at me to ::doomful russian accent:: NOT GET ON THE COMPUTER!! AA! ::/doomful russian accent::
much sighs.
I really want something I shouldn't have today. I'm contemplating what sacrifices I can/should make. Yes. Keeps running through my head.

=). That's that.
If I gave you my life, would you give me a smile?
A real smile?

2 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 18 April :: 5.29 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Nutshell-AIC

It all disappeared the moment I had it in my grasp
I'm confused.. really confused...

Nothing's as easy as it seems
All is lost in empty dreams
Everything tears, everything breaks
I would do anything it takes

I'll hide the glow
til it's time to let go
It's a crazy world, everyone
I'd go with you every night
I'm just sitting here in my confusion.

2 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 18 April :: 12.12 pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: ear-ringing

O.o today is my mother's birthday, and after she wakes up, there will be a huge dinner party and such and such... bleh o.o;

I had such an incredibly fucked up dream! @_X; omg. I was like, trapped underground near my house in this crazy factory thing with a bunch of people for weeks and weeks, and and.... *sigh* anyway I woke up feeling really screwed up. x.x

The moral of this story is not to take benadril** at 12:30 and go to sleep.

My tongue tastes like mushroom soup.

Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 17 April :: 11.05 pm
:: Mood: Evil

Like stars
Like stained glass
Like broken thoughts
Like empty walls
Like the ringing in my ears
I imagined you there
You were just staring at the walls
And you wouldn't looked away
And then you saw me, I saw your eyes
Begging me for truth
It's so real
right now
I would do anything
Anything for you
But we all say, you just have to ask
It's not that easy
And I'd rather not
Fall into me

Sometimes I just write feelings like that, it doesn't mean I'm making an attempt at poetry. If I do evaluate it as poetry later, though, all the better.

Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 17 April :: 1.19 pm
:: Mood: Dizzy
:: Music: ringing in my ears

no need for sunrise
=) Had a great time last night.
hung out with brandi, eric, jan[roger], and david [brandi's bro] last night... then we all went over to brandi's house, and everyone except jan spent the night [^^ doom on you jan, you never hang out long]. Fun fun fun.

Anyway. Then Eric went back to Cali this morning ^.^; teehee. Oh well.

And we woke up and ate gumbo for breakfast.
And um. Yessum. doom.
Now I'm planning and doing something at the place with the thing with those people and such. ^.^

"You girls gonna be alright? I counted the beer!" -brandi's dad []
"Here's our vamp queen!" -eric's stepdad [um.. wtf?! XD]
Brandi had some good ones but I forgot. xD.. yeah. I have some new pics too.
Much love. poof.

Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 16 April :: 6.12 pm

VibrantDarkSoul: You kept your promise.


1 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 15 April :: 9.08 pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Cypress Hill o.0?

doom! hehe... read this, it's great.
Oh yeah!
Yes, kris, there are pics of me up =).
Ok, anyway, just GUESS what me and Brandi have been doing for the past two or three hours.
We love the lake. We really do. It's beautiful, and the ducks are just great =). [We named them XD]. But when you see a bottle of GASOLINE and other similarly gross things just ruining the beauty, it's time to fucking do something.
We've been walking in the lake in our platform shoes carrying around a million pound bag filled with all the trash we found in the goddamn lake.
Sorry I had to make a big deal about that, but I really do feel accomplished. ^.^;

My faves:

XD Yeah, I catch all the candid shots. You can't escape, brandi.

=D. This is a kickass week.

Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 15 April :: 6.46 pm
:: Mood: euphoric
:: Music: the background on my site :-D

Well life is going to be fine because nicole, lexa and I are gunna get married and we're gunna be a gorgeous triple ^.^ XD
Hehehehehe LOL wee
school was good, PICTURES ARE UP! check em out! search starkistpixie
New people
and, by popular request photos de MOI =) hehe. yeah. today's a good day.

I'm off to the lake.
Kristen, I've gotta talk to you! Our paths haven't crossed for 3 or 4 days o.O!!

1 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 14 April :: 9.30 pm
:: Mood: Pretty Happy
:: Music: I Believe in a Thing Called Love-The Darkness

There is a butterfly shaped scar on my right foot =).
Haven't been on for two days, and for good reason. Much news!
Well, Laurel gave me her free ticket to The Darkness, which by the way is the fastest selling show in the history of Austin... and even though I was never really a fan [hehehe..] I mean, free show! So there we were, front row because I refuse not to be. Screaming contest? And Justin of the Darkness hands me his microphone so I can scream for thousands of fans.
Still can't say I'm a fan, but man, do those guys put on a good show.

OH! I have lots of new pictures that I will try to post now. Fun ones ^.^ Went over to Brandi's yesterday, and we fed the ducks at the lake =).
Quote Brandi:
"I wonder if people ever have sex on a bus. I mean, with all the bumps and stuff you wouldn't have to work very hard"
...XD Tis Brandi's Ism. Mucho love.

I also have new writing today, I'll be posting that on LJ, maybe even temporarily. =). Please critique.

Hum.. something else happened, but I've had seven cokes or so in the past two days... so hehehhee ::bounces::
You wonder why I am this way, yet you're the one who made me real... think I'm no different every day, but how can you know what I feel?
If you don't know where you're going, any path can take you there.

"You either rock, or you don't. ^_~"

1 remembered | Don't Forget Me

:: 2004 12 April :: 7.46 pm
:: Mood: Confident

I'm sick of cliches o.o
Lily's surprise party was today, so I skipped guitar and went to hang out with the azns... and play ddr.. and video games... and watching anime...
I tried ddr [miserable failure], watched princess mononoke with teh fiends, and best of all took pictures =). They will be on photobucket by tomorrow, I think. <3

Now I have to do a book report.. but it's on a very good book, When She Hollers. I tried reading it in fifth grade, but that didn't work out =P. doom.

Rainy days amount to...

Watching, Waiting
Loving, Hating
Freezing, Hurting
Me inside.
Faking smiling
Laughing, Lying
Endless horror ride.
Keep me colder
She who sold her
Soul will sooner
be so gone...
Giving up a
life unlived to
find a place where
we belong.


2 remembered | Don't Forget Me | Random Journal