2005 18 May :: 9.22 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: HIM - Razorblade Kiss
I don't know if this could possibly be accurate, but I think Morgan and I had our first fight.
It was kinda over something stupid. Cuz she called me, and I could have sworn to God that I thought I heard her ask to talk to my friend Trevor, who she was talkin' to online while she was talkin' to me on the phone, but either I heard wrong or she accidentally got confused, and thought she said my name. I don't know...
But she and I kinda sorta argued about this for about 5-10 minutes, and she thought I was angry with her. I can say that I wasn't. I just got a lil confused I guess and I told her that we should just let that one slide. Honestly, I thought it was kind of a stupid arguement, and there was no reason for either of us to get in any way upset. lol
We talked about the plans for this weekend. She said that shes going to bring a friend over to Gun Lake, so that way she has an excuse to go somewhere, drop her friend off, and then go with me to the picnic at Ideal Park. I think that I would probably feel bad if she didn't bring her friend with her, but that's just her friends personal preference, and besides, i'm sure that Morgan would rather prefer that she have some time alone with me. Either which way, it doesn't matter to me.
I'm not sure, because no one has really done anything, but I am beginning to think that everyone is ok with my decision, based on going out with Morgan. I talked to Stacy, and we talked, because I was reading her friend Cricket's journal, and it stated that he and Stacy were a thing, pretty much. Of course, I shouldn't have any reason to say anything, because its their decision, I'm now with Morgan, and she's known him for 3 years. He's pretty much been there for her longer, u know? Not saying that i'm jealous of Cricket. By all means, hell no i'm not. I'm saying that its a major congratz to them. I hope that it all works out for them. They're gonna live an awesome life, and I can feel it. They move in together in Maryland by October, I believe, and I know that they're gonna have an awesome time being together.
I feel the same way with Morgan and Myself. I'm sure that there might be weird times like what happened earlier when we had that brief tiff stint, but its all good, cuz it goes away quick, and its a stupid arguement that really doesn't mean anything. If we really feel the way we say we do (and we do), then we won't let stupid crap slow us down. We're both crazy for each other. Nothing gonna stop this shine for nothing!
I seriously miss her like crazy, and I can't wait till shes all done with school at LaLumiere... Cuz then she comes back up to Gun Lake, and I can see her a bit more often. But you people have no idea how much I miss her. I know its been less than a week, but I tell you it was a very magical week. A week that could not have gotten better... I know I dwell on it, but i'm sure you would too if you had a week like I did.
I can definately and honestly say that this girl is most likely "The One." The one that will forever make me happy. The one that I will forever make happy. The only thing is the distance, for now, but hopefully, that will be over in a short while, and I could possibly move her into my apartment or something.
Tom had joked before about us just going out and getting a house. it wouldn't be a problem with me. Personally, I think that with me and Morgan, Tom, Trevor, and Jenny when she gets out of school, We're gonna need a bigger crib, especially since theres a lot of furniture in this little apartment, and theres hardly any room in this bitch of an apartment. I think that getting a place in Byron Center would probably be a good idea, that is, if we have the money, and everybody had a job... that would be cool, but where could we get a house like that? lol
Only time will tell, I guess. That will have to be something that we all will have to discuss, but until then, i'm out like a "lightbulb..." lol
peace n chicken grease... Morgan, I love you so damn much...
5 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 17 May :: 9.21 pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: Know Lyfe - A Leaf Falls in Shame
I know, I know. It isn't HIM. I left my HIM CD in my car, and this is the closest thing to HIM as I can get... wait I forgot, I did add some HIM songs to the hard drive... I have Join Me In Death and Razorblade Kiss... So in dedication to Morgan:
Music: HIM - Razorblade Romance
*smiles* that oughta work. *Happy Dance!*
I have come up with a decision bearing on my situation with Morgan. I want to be with her, and I want the whole world to know that we are involved in a relationship that continues to grow into something great and beautiful. I know that there will be a person or two who will get pissed the fuck off over this, but I figure whoever does, they'll get over it, or just go into jealous insanity.
This is what happened. After my last journal entry, Trevor, Tom, and I were sittin' around. I was planning on going to bed at midnight like I usually do to go to work, but Trevor and Tom had planned on playing a shot game using whiskey and scotch. They were gonna watch Robot Chicken, and whenever someone got punched, then they take a shot. Trevor took a test shot of scotch, and he decided to decline the game. Tom ended up suckin' down a shit load of whiskey by episode's end, and he got plastered the fuck up.
Eventually, we were talking about relationships, and why women just fucking flock to me. We also talked about our relationships with our fathers. I'm the only one of the three who has a poor relationship with their dad. Tom loves his dad so much, it pains him to know that his old man won't make it past 60, due to his drinking problem. Well, Its not really that much of a problem, cuz he's really a HAPPY drunk. But this conversation did cause Tom to break out into tears, where Trevor and I consoled him, cuz we're great friends like that, and Tom told us that he loved us like brothers, and that we were not even considered his best friends to him, cuz we're his brothers. That really made me feel good. I've always had his back and Trevors as well, and I know that they have that same feeling for me and for each other, as well. I love those guys very much.
We also ended up talking about my weekend with Morgan. I been telling everyone that it was the best weekend of my life, basically because it is very true. They were talking about how they think that Morgan could possibly be that one, but I also have that connection with Stacy. But Stacy is all about being independent, and that she isnt about being in a relationship right at the moment, and I shouldn't really be beating around the bush, waiting for Stacy, especially if theres a beautiful girl that wants to be with me. I thought about that all night, also while I was in the process of helping Tom, cuz he was puking his guts out. Thats what he gets for almost fully polishing off a fifth of Whiskey.
By 3am, He had been dragged from where he was laying to the doorway of his bedroom, and he was imitating Bill Cosby, talking about Jello and Pudding for some fuckin' reason. He finally got up, and I helped him into my bathroom, cuz he was complaining about having to piss and shit. He, then, was in my bathroom, passed out, and Trevor and I knew that he would get to bed eventually. Besides, he was more than likely done puking his stomach inside out. So we went to bed. I borrowed his HIM CD and popped it in my CD player right by my closet door (cuz I sleep in my closet), and put it on repeat.
I fell asleep, and I had to wake up 3 1/2 hours later, so I could get ready for work. When I wake up, normally I gurgle out "God damnit fuck." cuz I don't really wanna get up for work, but what I did instead on monday morning was sat up, and replied "Morgan." I passed out, and snoozed 2 or three times, and did the same thing every time... By 7, I had gotten up, gathered my clothes and prepared for a shower. In the shower, I had Morgan on my mind. Getting out of the shower, Morgan on the mind. Getting dressed, Morgan. Leaving for work, Morgan. At work, I thought about Morgan so damn much that I didn't even realize that I was supposed to be at work at 7 and didn't realize I was doing work in the pool until about lunch time.
Lunch time comes, and Morgan is still on my mind... I couldn't stop thinking about Morgan Wire. I went on the comp in the hopes she was online, but no. I called her phone, and I accidentally woke her up. But what I did, then, was burned a copy of that HIM CD I borrowed from Trevor, and took it back to work and listened to it the rest of the day. That made time fly by so fast, it was astonishing, all while thinking about Morgan. MORGAN MORGAN MORGAN! This shit was totally insane. I didn't know why I couldn't stop thinking about Morgan, but it finally hit me as to why by the time I got out of work.
I rushed home. I had to call Morgan. And I don't think I even said hi to Tom when I walked in the door; I just searched for the phone. Called her up, and told her that she was on my mind so much all day that day, and she said it was the same for her. Now, keep in mind that I believe in fate. I believe now that it was Fate that had me go with Morgan to her prom. Fate is finally on my side, I would have to say. But I reminded her about my little situation with me and liking both her and Stacy. I explained the night before, and what happened that morning and all day at work, and told her that I decided that I want to be with her. I could tell she was geeked as fuck to hear about that...
So now, we're an item... a very happy item. Its raining diamonds, and nothing can stop our shine. Our relationship is growing at a fast rate, honestly I have to say faster than any other relationship I've ever been in, and I'm in complete ecstacy.
Like I said, there are gonna be some people angry with this. I know that theres one or two people that already are, but I don't care about what they have to say about anything. Fuck the haters of this relationship. But I have been talking to a few people, and they all say that they hope that the relationship goes far. I hope so too. I have faith that it will. I want to make her so happy. Happier than shes ever been, and continue to make her happier than that. I like her a lot. I want to love her. I want more than to love her. I explained that to a friend of mine today and he said he could already hear wedding bells. I may have to hope so, but for right now, i'm focused on building up that relationship we have right now.
I sure hope that Morgan reads this, so that way I can tell her once again how much I care about her, and that I can't wait till this weekend to see her again. The boat is going to be awesome.
-Peace n Chicken Grease
6 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 15 May :: 8.13 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: HIM - Join Me in Death and Right Here in my Arms
Well, I have been itching to do this journal entry, to tell about my weekend, which was fresh as hell...
Saturday was great. I had to drive to Benton Harbor to go to a prom with my friend, Morgan. I left around 100pm and ended up getting there by 3. I stopped at Taco Bell and the gas station for food and gasoline, and a 2 liter of Lime Pepsi, which isn't all that bad... But when I got there, I realized I had no money, so I had to find another gas station that had a payphone, perhaps I could try to do the old 1800-collect scam and tell her that I was in town. No dice, cuz the phone wouldn't connect to the service... so I went into the gas station and had to tell the clerk at the desk that I needed to use the phone for an emergency, and that worked... Even though the place was busy as hell, I did it anyways. I needed to get ahold of Morgan, so fuck BP and their desk clerk.
Morgan met up with me, and we drove to a different part of town, which really reminded me of Redbank, New Jersey. It had that homey feel like Redbank did... all the buildings in the square were made of brick. But I didn't see Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, but that was kind of to be expected.
We ended up going to a place called Cabana's Ice Cream to get some Ice cream. I wasn't hungry, but was quite thirsty, so Morgan bought me a Jones. We sat around and talked some, and I got to meet her friend, Jen. Jen's cool, in her own way. When Morgan said that Jen and her had to leave to get ready for prom, I was kinda bummed that I would get stranded in the town square, but the guy who runs Cabana's also owned an arcade at a nearby Elk Lodge, so Morgan and Jen gave me a bunch of quarters ($2 bucks worth, really) and they left me to chill in the lodge. It was kinda weird, at first, because there was a wedding reception going on in the top floor of the lodge, and the arcade was downstairs. I was wearing my skirt, too, so that kinda had people looking at me. A freak like this in a quiet town will do that, I guess...
You could tell by this town that juggalos were totally desolate. no big. Morgan was enough, anyways. But she was gone, but luckily, Arcade. I went downstairs, and immediately went for the pinball machine, which luckily, already had a credit for it, so I played that, and searched for more free games. After that, ended up using the money Morgan and Jen gave me, and that was a total of 1 hour. I had one more hour to wait for them (they said they'd be back at 615), and so I ended up going back to Cabana's and talked to the owner. I told him I appreciated the selection, and the fact that no game was more than 50 cents to play. I chatted with him and his wife, explaining myself on who I was, what I was doing there, and I was very respectful to them at all times. His wife loved me, I think. She said I was a very nice, respectful gentleman. I also spent some time writing a new song, called "You Need to Die." Its a song about 3 people I can't stand anyfuckingmore, and it explains why they need to die, like right now.
I remembered Morgan saying that she was gonna be back there at 615, and she didn't get there until maybe 715, but we took my car to a house owned by someone that she knew. I also redressed into my pimpsuit (some black khakis, black button up, black tie, Black blazer, and the green bootz). In the process, I accidentally left my car keys on the sink, and luckily, the guy found them, and kept them for safekeeping until we came back the next day...
Morgan was driving in her Buick Century all the way to prom. We had to make a pit stop to her dorm for her private school, because she needed something, and it was extremely windy... She was worried about her hair getting hellful frizzy, so she had to hurry and hurry back into the car. We continued driving to Indiana, where the prom was attended. On the way there, we were jammin' to a lot of awesome shit, mostly metal and rap shit, but still nonetheless, we rocked!
When we got to the prom location, we were given salads and some non-alcoholic margaritas, I would guess, and I just gobbled that salad down after nearly drowning the bitch in Ranch Dressing. Morgan didn't eat hers cuz she didn't want greens stuck in her teeth, but I knew that she was hungry. Afterwards, comes the actual meal, and all I ate was the mashed potatoes and the garlic shrimp. The chicken was terrible, and the rice sucked. The only thing that freaked me out was the fact that there was more than one fork. I have to say, I lived my whole life only using one fork for a meal. Maybe two meals at the most... so I had to get the full explaination.
Then the DJ finally started gettin' the music going, and Morgan would run off to dance with her friends. I would just sit there and talk with her friends, or watch her dance for the first few songs... Shes a really good dancer. I guess that the stories from her being a dance instructor could be true. I did eventually start dancing with her, and some of her friends, too. I had a really fun time doing both the hip hop dancing and the slow dancing with Morgan, even though I kept on stepping on her feet. She said she didn't mind it.
There was a few times where Morgan would abandoned me on the dance floor, in which I took the opportunity to talk to the DJ. I didn't even bother to write down the songs I wanted to hear, I just went to the DJ and told him the number for the song I wanted to hear. I got him to play Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round and Eiffel 65 - Blue on the friggin' spot. Cuz I'm the shit like that... lol
After a while, Morgan started to not feel all that well, and started getting cold. I put my coat around her in the hopes that would help a little. Kinda sorta, and eventually, I put my hand on her forehead, and holy shit was she warm... I tried to hold her to keep her warm with my body heat. We continued doing this for a while, up until around midnight, Indiana time. Morgan was also waiting for her friend Rachel to get done with the whole prom thing, cuz she wanted to go to this afterparty somewhere nearby. By midnight, Rachel was ready, and we left for the afterparty. Jen rode with their friend, "Shortstack."
Morgan was cold as hell, so she blasted up the heat in the car to the hottest she could get it... cuz she wasn't really feeling all that hot... We had to follow Shortstack, who was following a Limo to the house where the party was. The house was unbelievably awesome. I guess it kinda did pay chilling with these kids for a lil while. lol The house was on a tall foundation, probably 100-150 feet from the garage. The stairway was nice, too, but I would hate to be the one getting groceries for that house. Morgan and I changed into more comfortable settings. She with a pair of jeans and a Mudvayne shirt, and I just took off my noose and button up, changed back into my ICP - Hells Pit shirt, Vest, and Ballcap... both bearing "Kreyz..." Free advertising. Morgan still wore my blazer, cuz its black and absorbs heat... lol
The guy whose parents owned the house, his folks said that whoever was drinking had to stay there. So Morgan and I didn't drink anything. We were only there until Rachel got there, so we could go to another place. Morgan was getting tired, and I was too. While we were waiting, Morgan wanted to try this stuff called Shiesha, which was a flavored tobacco type substance. I'm not sure on the spelling for it. I was really not interested in it at first, but I eventually took a few hits off the hooka... Good shit, I have to say.
Rachel finally gets there. Morgan is feeling like crap, and she is tired as hell. I'm tired as hell, too, and Rachel wants to stay and party. Morgan and I decide we'll drive back to Michigan, in an area that she knows of and get a motel room. Jen tagged along cuz we had all her stuff in the car.
We get to the border of Indiana and Michigan, and we found a motel that she had to pay $50 bucks for a two bed. We got the room, and immediately went to sleep. We were all tuckered from the evening, so there was nothing else to do but get some shut eye. Jen got one bed, and Morgan and I cuddled in the other one. She wanted me to cuddle with her so that way she could stay warm.
Next morning, we got cleaned up, and ended up driving back into her town, and driving around... We chilled at the beach, where Jen was chasing the seagulls for the fun of it. Morgan and I chilled in the car, and talked about stuff, listening to Psychopathic and some HIM. We also went to get some booze for her and Jen, and then went back to the beach, where I fed the seagulls some cheetos. There was one seagull that was pissed off as fuck. Either it was the alpha male Seagull or it was a Seagull with PMS.
I think by 100pm, we got my car, and we all said our goodbyes. She kept on apologizing for how shitty she was feeling and if it put a damper on my weekend. I told her I wouldn't have it any different. I had an excellent time. I hope that I can see her again sometime soon. Shes gonna be coming to Gun Lake for the summer, so I won't really have to drive all that way to see her for the summer. Shes fun to hang out with.
Finally, she drove me back to getting on the highway, and I went along my merry little way home. I called her to let her know that I made it home alright. I would have liked to talk to her some more, but her cellphone is a piece of shit with no signal. Its all good, though, cuz I get to call her nonetheless.
When I got home, I had to go to Tom's parents house, cuz they were moving his sister Melissa in with her fiance, Scott. Fun shit, especially while trying to pick up that TV... it took Scott, Tom, myself and Drew to pick the bitch up, take it up the stairs, and put it in the truck. Moving Melissa sucks.
The house that they have had a forclosed house with some crap in it. We were gonna break into the bitch, and check out the stuff, perhaps it would have stuff we could use. I don't know, cuz the windows and doors were locked, and we couldn't get in. Oh well.
We got some slurpees at 7-11, courtesy of Melissa for helping her move in. Then I went home and did this.
Hope you read all this shit. Its prolly worth the time, or not, depending on who you are.
-Peace n Chicken Grease.
9 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 13 May :: 9.06 pm
:: Mood: angry
Ok. Heres the deal.
It seems like everyone is talking about me behind my back about how i've "changed." I honestly don't know what is going on and everyone is trying to tell me about this. As if I really have a vivid explaination. I'm blowing up at people for no reason, and I would guess that i'm doing stuff that makes no sense. I have absolutely no explaination for the things that I do, and I wish I could find someone to help me.
Maybe i'm just losing my mind. I don't know. I could possibly be going insane? Whos to tell. The friends I have only so far have observed my actions and stuff, and it seems like no one is trying to help. I don't know if even a rubber room and a nice new buckled jacket would help me with this shit.
What could be the shit thats setting me off like this? I think my conscious is going into some sort of an anger drive, and its driving me and those around me nuts. I can't explain any of this, and I think that I need someone to do this. So far, i can say that i haven't really heard shit from my friends and my roomates... if the have i don't remember it.
Fuck, man. Someone should just take me to a shrink. Maybe they can figure me out. But It better not be some sort of quick fix like Zoloft or whatever, cuz I refuse to take pills.
Theres a number of things that have been going on, and I guess that its just too much for me to handle. I don't know. Its been happening since me and Tom moved in together and its just building and building. I don't know what's happening. I dont know if I can fix whats happening by myself. I honestly have to say that i'm deathly scared.
You think Trevor had problems with his depression, I bet i'm a far worse case than he is! If someone really wants to help me, I'd say get me a shrink or admit me...
16 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 12 May :: 7.24 am
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: KND on the TV
Well, heres the thing...
I have recently hung out with Stacy on Tuesday night after she got out of work early, until about 2am, stayed up till she got home (around 230) and I also hung out with her yesterday... You would think that would satisfy a little bit of my craving for her, but it really just feeds the fuel to the fire. Being around her makes me an even bigger maniac in concerns for missing her. I'm sure by the time she goes to Maryland, its gonna be hell for me, and I might end up going to DC to see her. Not just that, but i'm sure that DC would be a good viewing experience, and not to mention being a good viewing experience with a girl that I am totally infatuated with.
Still, its gonna be weird with her not around. Its been only a few hours since I last seen her and I miss her already. I can't wait to see her again, but with her scheduling at Target, its kind of hard. I think I was just lucky to be with her all night last night to begin with. She was sick as a dog, and her mom was gonna have her stay at home all day, so I suggested that I go there. She warned me that she was sick, but I don't care, because I had seeing her last night planned since last week. And even if I do get sick, i'll at least get to stay home from work. I got the sick time...
I recently read her livejournal, and it seems that her friend Cricket wants to somewhat persue a relationship with her... So do I. She wants to be independent, and like she said in one of her past journal entries, its very confusing and frustrating for quite a few people. I don't like it because I so want to be with her like nobody knows. But theres also nothing I can do, so I just let it be, and try to be her friend. Its all I can do until she is ready, and hope that I become the one that she wants to be with. I feel that I have some qualities that she would really enjoy. I've aready shown her a number of very very good qualities that I know that she really enjoys.
We played monopoly party last night, and shes about near to kicking my ass in the game. Damn hotels. But we had to cut it short so we could eat, and I've got the game saved, so she can kick my ass later.
I've got to take a shower and go to work, so i'll get off this and go do that thang. Have fun replying.
-Peace n Chicken Grease
2 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 9 May :: 7.35 am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: SOAD - Chop Suey
Well, saturday was Mary's prom, and I do have to say that I had fun throughout the night. Mary and I danced quite a bit, but most of it was the grind shit that everyone else was doing, to the hip hop that all sounds the same. I hate that kind of music, personally, especially when the only way you can tell the difference between the new Snoop Dogg shit and Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz is the way they rap. All the beats that they have now a days suck and they all sound the same. At least I got the satisfaction of knowing that I can write better beats than G-Unit.
But back on track. At some point, the DJ made this one kid who was wearing those stupid Bug type sunglasses that WWE's Christian used to wear all the damn time... anyways, he made this kid dance to SOAD's Chop Suey, and man was this kid terrible... He was dancing like a street break dancer... so Mary and her friends (Nicole and them), and me... we went in there, and "moshed." I put quotations in there because what we did wasn't considered moshing. No one was touching anyone, and last time I checked, when I was in the pit at the Liquid Room, I got touched in the face by a fist. Thats a hardcore pit, but a pit would at least include people pushing each other. All I think the people at the prom seen was me headbanging the fuck outta the song. The long hair I have helped out too, cuz I'm a pretty big hair band enthusiast.
After that, tho, my neck started to tense up, and I was very dizzy. I had to sit down and catch my breath for about 15 minutes. I think I lost 2-5 lbs doing that cuz that was a lot of work, but I had to say it was a small price to pay to the party gods. Oh well.
Well, i gotta jet for work, but it was fun, nonetheless. Wish me luck and shit for work. I might not survive. lol
-Peace n Chicken Grease
3 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 5 May :: 12.40 pm
:: Mood: Fuming Pissed
:: Music: The sounds of Screaming Due to the Stabbings of Death... and the Mix CD I made for Stacy
Well, i haven't been able to update, so heres whats been going on...
First off, I would like to point out that what Tom considered so funny indeed wasn't. Due to the fact that he severely FUCKED WITH MY STUFF! For the past few days, My folder has been fucked around with, and Tom had led me to believe pretty much that it either moved to a different section of the hard drive by itself, or possibly someone had hacked into our computer just to move stuff around and fuck with us. Then that next morning, My Folder, marked "Kreyz," was copied about 113 times and it was all over the desktop. Thinking that this was someone fucking with our stuff, I placed all those folders into the recycling bin, and trashed them... then I went into the original folder, and all of my stuff was gone! I was on AIM at the time, and told my friend Pernod Fils about it, and he told me that sucked. I thought so too... ALL THAT HARD WORK JUST GONE! FIVE MONTHS OF WORK JUST STOLEN... or so I thought...
I come to find out that it was just a practical joke, laid by Tom. That wasn't enough for Tom, I would assume, as he posts this bullshit in riddles pretty much over his woohu, leaving a few people in question about it, without my knowledge of it, tells Trevor about it, and from what he said, about 10 other people, and they find this fucking hilarious?! WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK!?!?!?!?!
When he told me it was him, I felt very betrayed. This was my life work, pretty much, and he just messes with it, as if it was nothing. He tells me that he backed up the files just in case, and I guess he was just telling me this to calm me down, but that shit ain't gonna fly with me today! I may have a temper at times, but usually, it disinegrates in a few minutes. I WAS PISSED OFF ABOUT IT FROM THE TIME HE TOLD ME AT LUNCH TILL ABOUT 2 HOURS AFTER I GOT HOME! Now, you tell me people... Would you personally think it would be hilarious as fuck if your best friend, someone who you've confided in for more than 5 years, went over and fucked with your shit?! Shit that you put your fucking soul into for 5 months?! I didn't think so.
Tom is lucky that I haven't retaliated. I was about to do something very demeaning, and he wouldn't have room to talk about that because "I thought you would think that it was funny..." Grow the fuck up, man....
I mean, Jesus Christ, I would think that after all the bullshit that I've been taking to heart lately, with you mocking my ass at the bar, all the stupid shit that goes on at the house... Do you personally think that I would just take that shit as a joke? How would you like it if i did something to your stuff? huh? And not just on the computer?
This made me so pissed off, I had to write, and usually, when I'm pissed off, I write about killing the person that I'm pissed off at. I've already written a song about killing Tom already. I don't really think that I need to make another one.
And one more thing before I go, Basically, Tom has told me he'll never do shit like that again. Uh-huh. I want to see this shit. Lets see how long this lasts... the countdown starts now...
Really, I'd just like to have him leave me alone... It seems that since Drew has been out of the picture, that I've been the one thats been getting the brunt of all the jokes. It was different with Drew because he never did retaliate to anything, and shit just rolled off his back. But as you guys know... NOTHING ROLLS OFF MY BACK! It just stays there, and builds up until I get out of control and break something like I did at work yesterday. I broke a god damn sod lifter, and thats some thick fuckin' wood. I broke a piece of wood off the sod lifter thats as fucking thick as a baseball bat. And even THAT didn't help calm me down.
I know i'm ranting, pretty much, and i'm gonna quit that shit now, cuz I gotta be gettin' back to work, so later...
12 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 3 May :: 7.42 am
:: Mood: AWESOME!
:: Music: A Selection of 80's Rock and New Wave in a mix I made for Stacy
Well, first off, I'll give off the contents of the Mix Disc I made for Stacy:
Damn Yankees - High Enough
REO Speedwagon - Keep on Loving You
Heart - These Dreams
Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World
The Police - Every Little Thing She Does is Magic
Wang Chung - Everybody Have Fun Tonight
Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Right Round
A-Ha - Take On Me
Nena - 99 Luftballoons (THE GERMAN VERSION)
Jefferson Starship - We Built This City (On Rock & Roll)
Cyndi Lauper - She Bop
The Clash - Rock the Casbah
Billy Idol - Cradle of Love
Madonna - Holiday
Hall & Oates - You Make My Dreams Come True
Toto - Africa
Yes - Owner of a Lonely Heart
Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time
Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You
As you can see, there are two main themes for this mix right now; They're all songs from the 80's (excluding Adam Sandler, but it was from the Wedding Singer), and that they're mostly songs that pretty much express how much I care for her. And I do. A lot.
Last night was pretty fun, too. We met up at the Woodland Mall, since it was kind of a middle point and a good mall to meet up in, cuz they have chairs over by the Spencers, so she didn't have to stand, OR sit in a hard ass chair. I bought her a feather Rose, and she liked it, even though she called me a dork for it, but its all good...
She had me buy her some oriental stuff over by Millenium Nails, and I had A&W. We sat in the food court, where I tried to play footsie with her, but that damn bar for the table was getting in my way. Ended up hitting on the table...
Afterwards, we commensed to go to my house, where we watched Nepoleon Dynamite (Not a bad movie if you watch all the way through it), The Goonies, and The Princess Bride. She wanted to watch Goonies because of the Cyndi Lauper Tracks I put on the Mix Disc. Cyndi Lauper is the shit, btw, but back on track...
she also wanted to watch The Princess Bride, cuz she thinks I look like Carey Elwes without my glasses. Must be the flowing Golden Blonde locks on my head, but oh well... We didn't even watch all that much princess bride anyways, considering I was starting to drift, up until the point where we started to make out like crazy...
That was fun, and most exhilarating, I thought. I also spent some time Giving her a full body massage, except for her back, cuz she wouldn't flip over, and I also spent some time just looking at her eyes, as she looked into mine... Neither of us saying a word to eachother, and just getting lost, basically. That was the better of the times...
Well, I gotta get to work, and I hope that she made it home alright, cuz she left around 130. I'm gonna have a pretty shitty day, already I can feel it...
Peace n Chicken Grease
9 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 23 April :: 3.11 am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Lifehouse - Hanging by a moment
Well, we had Trevors birthday party, and I guess everyone was well lit tonight. The party consisted of Jenny, Tom, Trevor, myself, Stacy, her friend Derek, and another friend of hers, Reese. Reese aparently knew Trevor cuz they bowled together, which is cool.
Well, I do have to say that I am kinda putting myself into quite a pickle again. As some of you may know, I have a small problem with being quick to love. Everyone who knows me also knows that I have somewhat of a small problem with being alone. I'm afraid of being alone, to be fully truthful. And here is where my dilema comes in.
Stacy is an awesome girl. I do have to say that she is very awesome. She's pretty much me, so to speak. It's like the missing link that I've been searching for these past 22 years. BUT she doesn't really want to be stuck in a relationship, for she's still getting used to being in the single life... and that is pretty much the only thing about her that I don't like.
Its a fucked up dilema, I do have to say. I don't want to wait for her, but I also don't want to get into a relationship and figure out that she wants to be with me while i'm in said hypothetical relationship. I don't want to wait, and find out that what i've been waiting for is all for naught when she decides that we've known each other for so long, that it'd be wrong for us to be together.
So what to do? The best road to go down right now is just to be her friend for now. I do feel the connection, but there is so much from each other that we both need to learn. We need to learn about how each of us handle things, what makes us tick. I've learned that she can be rather moody, but all people can. It's just how they get moody that is the tricky part.
But like I said, I do feel a connection between us. Something within both of us that had been lacking something until we finally crossed paths... I know that at this point, I've been discribing this like it was fate... but to hell with you people, because I do believe in fate. I do believe in soulmates, and I do have to say, as gay as this may sound to my athiest friends, that God had us meet for a reason, and not just because we're two hyper ADD kids... not just because we are nearly alike... but I think, even though this may sound a little like i'm pushing it, but I think its because it could possibly be meant to be.
Of course, I do think too far into these things, but its just gut instinct. I know I've fallen for girls very quickly in the past, but I have a strong gut instinct on Stacy and I. I don't know, though, if she feels it, too, or not, but if she is, I feel that she might be rejecting it, because she wants to make herself fell more independent.
Independence isn't all that bad. I say go ahead and burn your bra, hun. But I do plan on waiting for you. I am definately prepared to be your friend, to learn more about you, and to possibly (and hopefully) fall for you. I remember you saying (while you were drunk) that you weren't worth it, but I do have to rebuttle and say "BULLSHIT!" If you weren't worth it, I would see it myself, and not even try to waste my time. I think that if you weren't worth it, I would probably be trying to hook up with someone else...
But I don't, because I have such a fucking crush on Stacy, that it's unbearable to be without her. I know it makes me sound like a crazy, but I don't care. I think that she does care for me. Like its love, but not IN LOVE, u know? And I feel that way, too. You can still love someone without being in love with them. I do believe in that, and with me and my feelings for Stacy, this is definately one of them cases... I love to be around her, holding her, cuddling with her, kissing her, hugging her, tickling her, and playing with her, and I don't even really think about sex when i'm around her... of course that part of my brain doesn't automatically shut off when I'm around her, i do have to say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind, but I don't want to really taint something this perfect.
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you
I think that says what I'm tryna say. I do hope that she does check this out, and respond in some way.
Although she left nearly 2 hours ago, I already miss her. Hopefully, my wish to be with her could be complete. But for now, I hope that I will be dreaming of her once I go to bed tonight. She's already on my mind, and at least right now, the thing about her on my mind is that I know that she is home and safe. And thats good.
lol She did call me when she was almost at her house, saying that she was sorry that she kinda blew me off cuz we didn't have sex, and I just told her that it wasn't important to me, which is because it really isn't. 2 reasons: one, because granted that would be really nice, I don't really want to be having sex with someone that I'm not necessarily in a relationship with. That's kinda how I got in trouble before. and two, it isn't important to me because I don't want to have a relationship with her based on sex. That has happened before, and I don't like it. I would rather be spending quality time with her, either just sitting around or even playing mini golf, or whatever! I care about this girl too much to let it all go just for a lil fling.
To hold her, kiss her, hug her, all that! Its just pure ecstasy... I feel so lifted when I'm practically babying her the way I do. I don't know if shes used to the attention or not, but I want her to be. And I don't want to get her used to it, and then take it away from her. I want to be the kind of guy who does full-on pamper treatment on a girl. She is too precious to me, like the One Ring to Gollum... yeah, exactly.
I don't know how other people are gonna react to this entry, but what I do have to say is that if its negative, I won't care. You people know how I am, and how I deal with shit. So, even if you don't like it, I'd say at least give me a good luck or something.
But right now, i'm dead fuckin' tired, and I gotta get some sleep before this headache in the back of my head blows up all tumor style.
Nighty, ya'll... Peace n Chicken Grease...
1 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 19 April :: 12.24 pm
:: Mood: Bouncy
:: Music: Bone Thugs n Harmony - Dayz of our Lives
If a Sandwich is a couch, is it still an orange?
OK So I been checking out this OK Cupid thing, because my two best friends have been checking it out as well. Tom found it, I think... OK Cupid is a free website, based on somewhat like Matchmaker International... sort of... This website is full of questions that other users submit, and you can basically choose which answer fits you best, and whether or not its important to you that the girl you're looking for answers the same thing, or something different... I personally have to say that even tho I'm not the original finder of this website, I am the one whose being active about it the fastest...
So far, I've already met a girl that has an 82% compatibility with me, and we have already started to hang out. Weird way how we introduced, tho... She was gonna meet up with me at Craigs Cruisers, and turned out she got into an accident on the way there... Since then, i've been supportive about her being in pain and all, and I am glad that she is ok, otherwise it would probably suck. The scary thing is that chillin' with this girl is like chillin' with myself. She is the female equivalent of myself, granted there are a few other things that are different... She is afraid of heights, and i'm not all that really... just ladders and thats pretty much it...
Its weird, because we've only chilled twice, once at my place, and once at hers... And I somehow feel a little connected to her in a strange way. Shes unique, i'll have to say, and that says quite a bit, considering i've also been considered unique as well... Shes not a juggalette, too, which is no big deal, cuz i've dated non lettes before...
But what of Mary? she says that shes been talking to Eric quite a bit now, and we're both planning on seeing other people as well as each other. I honestly think that there are better guys out there than me, and i've told her that quite a bit. I have a feeling that she doesn't really want to look. I'm not gonna push it, because I think that this Eric kid that shes been talking to since before I met her is crazy in love with her or something... I wish him the best of luck, if Mary decides to be with him or what notz...
I'm outatime here, so BLAH. I have to go back to work. AAAaaahhh I hate the grind!
Peace n Chicken Grease
1 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 17 April :: 8.50 am
I stole this from someones Xanga. Someone that goes or used to go to BCHS named Diedre... fuck em, this shits mine now!
1. Favorite Sesame Street character? The Count (you know he burned)
2. Favorite toppings on pizza? Mushrooms and Bacon
3. Pools or hot tubs? Why be picky? both!
4. What's the worst thing you ever said to someone? "nigger"
5. Ever met any famous bands/singers? Violent J
6. Beach or pool? Pool
7. Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know? Yup
8. Do you own a 2 Pac CD? Wish I did
9. Least favorite colors? Pink...
10. Do you cry in front of friends? I have
11. Who do you want to be like? Me
12. Kids? Want? Like? Have? I want kids I like...
13. Do you like Jay-Z? Who would be that fucking stupid?
14. Hot or cold? Happy Medium
15. Do you own a Bone Thugs N Harmony CD? Yes, cuz Bone Thugs are Gods
16. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
17. What do you order at a bar? Jager Bombs, bitch!
18. People online now? Me, and if you're reading this, you...
19. Look at guys butts? Not on purpose... they keep asking if their slip is showing...
20. Favorite thing for lunch? Food
21. Do you own a Lit CD? Fuck Lit
22. Do you care about how you look? Not all that much
23. Favorite sport to watch? Wrestling
24. How much do you know about your favorite band? Dude, don't get me started
25. What's your favorite song at the moment? Favorite? Of all that I listen to? Too hard to answer...
26. What's one of the 'funnest' things you've ever done? Come out of my mom's neden
27. Good at sports? Fuck No
28. Do you like to sing in the shower? When my CD's bumpin
29. What's the most painful experience you've ever had? That one time I passed out in the bathroom and nailed my head on the sink, the toilet, the heater, and the floor in that order... twice...
30. When was the last time you punched someone? 8th grade, right in the fucking gut
31. Can you eat using chopsticks? If i'm eating oriental food
32. What is your shoe size? 10
33. Future child's name? Colton or Zapphire
34. Would you rather be rich or famous? Famous, fuck money
35. If you died tomorrow, to whom would you leave everything you own? I'd be buried with it all...
36. If you could choose your own name, what would you pick? Kevin Edward Eugene Reynolds
37. Who was the last person you talked to? my Ex
38. What's your Favorite Quote? "If they'da nailed me to a cross, i'd be like 'wait till I get me down i'ma fuck me somebody up!" - Big Stank, Big Money Hustla$
39. Have you ever bought a whole CD for one song? I've bought a CD for no songs i've ever heard... ICP BITCHES!
40.Why do we paint our nails? Cuz it weirds out my boss
41. If you could live anywhere where would you live? Here in Gun Ru
42. Favorite candy? Butterfinger
43. Do you own an Eminem CD? What kind of juggalo would I be if i didn't? OF COURSE I DO!
44. Wakeboarding/snowboarding? Fuck anything with boards, unless its backyard wrestling
45. How many cereals in your cabinet? 1 FRUITY PEBBLES BITCH
46. What song seems to reflect you the most? who knows?
47. Deaf or blind? blind
48. Do you own a TLC CD? nope, but would like to
49. What is your bedroom like? pig sty
50. Favorite drink? anything with faygo on the side
51. Least favorite smell? perfume
52. Favorite day of the week? saturday
53. Person who knows the most about you? Mother or best friend
54. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? no
55. Curly or straight hair? strait till it gets long
56. Favorite food? Lasagna
57. What's sexiest on a guy/girl? their eyes
58. Would you rather be on time and look OK or 10 minutes late and look great? 10 minutes late
59. What have you stolen before? food and batteries
60. Do you prefer Purple or Pink? Purple... fuck pink and the punks who wear it!
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 11 April :: 7.58 pm
:: Mood: Drinking
:: Music: Bloodhound Gang - Along Comes Mary
1. First and middle name?
Kevin Edward Eugene
2. Were you named after anyone?
3. Do you wish on stars?
4. When did you last cry?
When Me and Mary were breaking up, after I punched myself in the Jaw a few times
5. Do you like your handwriting?
Yeah, I think its unique
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
7. Where were you born?
8. What is your most embarrassing CD?
Slammin' Wrestling Hits... They all sound like fucking shit... Midi style...
9. Do you have a journal?
hmmm. I wonder...
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
11. Would you bungee jump?
I don't have a problem with hit
12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
No, but for bowling shoes, i have to untie them to get them back on...
13. Do you think that you are strong?
Not reall all that physically, but Mentally I am. its just hard to say whats on my mind, and it makes me appear mentally weak...
14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
15. Ice cream or kissing?
Kissing While Ice Cream
16. Red or pink?
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
18. Last person you had dinner with?
19. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
Maybe... doesn't matter
20. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Black pants with green stitch, Grey shoes
21. What are you listening to right now?
22. Last thing you ate?
Mc D's Double Cheeseburger
23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
24. What is the weather like right now?
night Time, and a lil chilly
25. Last person you talked to on the phone?
26. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
27. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yeah, hes cool
28. Favorite (non-alcoholic) Drink?
Don't Matter, as long as it says "Faygo" on the side
29. Favorite Sport?
30. Hair Color?
31. Eye Color?
32. Do you wear contacts?
33. Favorite Food?
34. Last Movie You Watched?
35. Favorite Day of the Year?
36. Scary Movies or Happy Endings or Unexpected Ending?
Scary Movies, definately
37. Summer Or Winter?
Summer, imagine all them titties at the pool
38. Hugs OR Kisses?
39. Whats your favorite dessert?
Ice Cream Sandwiches
40. Last concert you've seen?
Insane Clown Posse - Hell's Pit Tour
41. What Books Are You Reading? And it's about...??
Behind the Paint - Its about ICP
42. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
the Dell Logo
43. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
me playing Pokemon Colluseum
44. Favorite Smells?
45. Favorite Sounds?
Bass from Cars
46. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
47. Furthest been from home?
48. Do you have a special talent?
I can write beats and lyrics
49. What is your ringtone?
50. Are you gonna repost this for other people to do?
No, they can copy paste it if they want
51. Best friend(s)?
Tom, Kevin, Trevor, Jenny, Drew, and quite a few others...
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 11 April :: 12.47 am
:: Mood: dunno
:: Music: ICP - Basehead Attack
Well, I have decided that from now on, my Xanga Journal will be specifically for my lyrics, and shit...
Other than that, I don't have much to update, except that I bowled 117, 111, and 134 or something to that effect...
Also before Tim, his girlfriend, and his friend, Jeremy left to go back to Mount Pleasant, we went to Craigs Cruiser's with Tom and my parents. We all played mini golf, and Tom beat me, but at least I beat my rents. so yay for me... I think it was all a fluke for everyone, cuz my parents are usually better at it than me... and i beat them? And tom beat me while I had 2 holes in one... oh well, gah! fuck it...
Theres my update, so bye bye now!
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 9 April :: 12.53 am
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Numa Numa Iei
Lets see its been a while since I posted a journal entry...
Here we go. Sunday, Me Tom and Trevor went to go to Holland to see Wrestlemania XXI with Jay and Jess in Holland. That was fun. There was a few crappy matches, but still one of the best wrestlemanias i've seen. Only two matches I didn't like was Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus and the JBL vs. John Cena matches... Christy can't wrestle for shit, and she coulda gotten hurt. John Cena is a stupid Ass and I hate the JBL's stupid stock owner gimmick. He needs to go back to the Bradshaw gimmick, but i'm not gonna get into that, otherwise i'll have a longer journal entry than normal.
Monday: Watched WWF Raw, and that was pretty good, except for HHH and Randy Orton whining for losing their matches. SUCK IT UP YOU PUSSIES. I don't remember what else I did monday, cept workin'.
Tuesday: Don't remember, prolly just working...
Wednesday: Hung out with Mary. Mary Spent the night, and stayed until...
Thursday: and she left about 10 minutes after I left to get back to work from lunch... I haven't seen her since, but I talked to her today. I also picked up Jenny cuz she wanted me to take her to Kalamazoo to be with Jack. I told her I figured that it would be easier if she just spent the night, and plus we wanted to chill together, go to the mall and all that good shit. She decided to have a friend come along too...
This friend was pretty fine. I was rather impressed by this chick. For some reason, I wasn't talking very much around her. I normally talk and don't quit from time to time, but I wasn't talking. Oh, well, I guess. Maybe more next time. But we went to the mall, and basically did window shopping. They got a few things from Spencers. Just a few buttons and pins. Then we left and took her friend, Katie, back. I got her number, so I thought that was cool. She seems like a cool person to chill with.
Took Jenny back to my place and we remained to chill there...
Today: Went to work, and it wasn't that bad of a day. we're starting to do some grounds work, and I decided to cut the mulch out from around the trees. I'm suprised that I thought about something at work on my own. Yay for me, then. The I just got home, took Jenny to Kalamazoo, and came back home, so I could change for bowling, which I was almost an hour late for. Bowled crappy, too. But I still had fun. Thats what its all about... And when I got home, the guy who lives above me was showing his new 3 inch lift on his truck to these two fine hunnies that I know have to be from East Kentwood or something. He used to go to E.K. and so i'm guessing that these girls do as well... He asked if I wanted to chill, and I had time to waste to wait for my cousin to come over, so I decided to do so. I just stayed quiet again for some reason, and just let everyone do their conversation thing. The dude was being a dick to the girls, and when they left, I said "ice meeting you, said my goodbyes,"and kissed them on their hands. I guess just a way to say to him "this is how you treat a lady." After a while, my cousin came in, and we went down to my place, where so far, we've watched Lil Pimp, Big Money Hustlas, and split a joint with him, his girl, and a friend of his, which turned out to be a juggalo. Cool beans, but he does act kinda juffy.
Well, i'm over with all this now. I'm still high, and I cant think straight... lol Sweet sweet leaf...
Peace n Chicken Grease
4 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!
2005 2 April :: 4.24 am
:: Music: Project Deadman - Ain't Shit
Well, another April Foolz has come and gone. Didn't do my AF joke, like usual. I still want to do something for april fools one day, but with all the wacky shit that I do all the time, I think what I would have to have in mind would be so bonkers and off the wall that it would have to be considered illegal.
I got to hang out with Mary again today. She and I are starting to get better and fight less. Which is good, I think. I still want to at least maintain a friendship with her, cuz I kinda feel thats the right thing to do. Yesterday, I chilled with her and her best friend, Nicole... Her friend is cute, I have to say. But shes got a story all of her own, and I'm sure it wouldn't be my place to tell it without permission. That's how you get sued.
I was pretty nervous about this, but I asked Mary if she thought it would be OK if I asked out Nicole, and she got pretty upset. Nicole is her bestestestest friend, so I can guess why, tho. She was looking pretty cute, and its been a while since I had a girlfriend, but I thought it would be the better idea to ask first before I went too far, like I always do. Mary told me that she discussed it with Nicole about me, and she told me Nicole said that she thinks i'm ok, but she wouldn't go out with me, because her Ex-Boyfriend was a juggalo as well as me, but she wants out of that juggalo lifestyle. Funny thing is that I guess that she needs to realize that all juggalos AREN'T the same. But if I knew that she had any interest in me, I would've definately shown her that.
I think I'm getting better at paying more attention to people. That is one of my main problems at this point, and at first I thought that there really wasn't any way back, but I'm struggling to make it happen. Kinda like when HHH tore his quad and he had to do everything in his will to even walk again. Now, hes the top guy in the RAW brand, and hes gonna get his ass kicked in WMXXI, but thats a different story...
Speaking of wrestlers, I recently found out that Matt Hardy and Amy Dumas, AKA Lita are no longer a couple. Apparently, Lita has been cheating on Matt with Adam Copeland, AKA Edge. What makes things worse for Edge is that he had just recently had his second wedding. The backstage life of wrestling is so deceitful, and I didn't even think that of all divas, Lita would stoop so low as to cheat on Matt. I think that all of these people are great wrestlers, but now I can't look at Lita and Edge the same way, even on the show. Being the fact that they're both celebrities, they could have known that this was gonna get into the public reach. Both of them have upset their fans who know to the fullest extent. I bet that they're gonna try to hook this shit up into a storyline for the show, too. I just think that they need to make Lita a heel, considering that everytime a diva is a heel, she's called a slut. And a slut Amy Dumas is. So much for her being my favorite Diva, now. I now resume my fav to be Molly Holly. Junk in the trunk is good for me. SHOW ME SOME OF THAT MISS MADNESS!
As you can bet, i'm tired as fuck, so i'm gonna step out and flop in my closet for a spell. I'll catch you all later, and i'll try to come up with something for STORY TIME BITCH!
Peace n Chicken Grease
5 Fool(s) got Raw |
Lay the Smackdown!