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:: 2011 26 June :: 11.42 pm
:: Mood: melancholy

I will drop everything if a friend calls me and needs a shoulder to cry on.

So where is everyone when I need a shoulder?

I am a "convenient friend." They know I will always be there, so they only call when they need me.

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:: 2011 25 June :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: heartbroken
:: Music: Ingrid

How would you feel if someone just decided they weren't sure if they loved you?

I am so so sad and I thought maybe I could write about it. But I am staring at this little text box and my fingers don't know how to move. All the stupid thoughts are jammed in my brain and they don't want to come out.

How is it that the people you love make you feel worthless?


:: 2009 18 February :: 8.16 pm
:: Mood: blank

I'm standing on the dock, with the sun beating on my neck. The waves are crashing against the pier and I'm staring into the bottom of the ocean. The people are gone. There is just me, the waves, the sun, the gulls, the ocean. Standing. Sitting. Waiting. Hoping. Contemplating jumping the ten feet into the darkness below. To dive right in, to have the water cleanse me, to have everything washed away. To feel the fish brush past my legs, to feel the seaweed get wrapped around my arms, to feel the salt water against my skin. I want to have the courage to swim through the lobsters and the sharks. I stand up and climb onto the post that the ferry's get tied to. With a deep breath, I scream, and I dive into the water.

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.

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